Post # 1
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
i am unsure of what to do right now with only two months until the wedding. my fi and i originally decided to pay for the wedding ourselves and it would be a small wedding. but my mom wanted us to have a bigger wedding so she went and put down a deposit on a room for the reception which we are stuck paying for even though its not what we want. i think the total for the room and catering is eight thousand. now with two months to go and the first half of payment due at the end of this month i am unsure if i want to go through with it because…
my mom wont let me and fi pick out the food …its a nine course meal and she wants to pick out the food
she wont let me invite my only friend and her family to the reception dinner because she says they will be a waste of seats that could go to another guest that will give us wedding gift money. its common in vietnamese weddings to give bride and groom money. she says my friend is poor and wont give us any gifts so she thinks their seats can go to someone else aka someone from my moms said of the family…
i got mad at my mom because i feel like im stuck paying for a reception venue that i dont want with food i cant even pick out and i cant invite my one and only friend??
so she got mad at me and said i can pay for the entire wedding myself with no more help from her. that is fine because i can have the wedding the way i want to have it. but since its only two more months left i feel like i dont even want to have a big wedding anymore. if i cancel my parents will be furious with me and my grandparents coming over from germany will be upset. i still want a wedding, but the way i had originally planned. but if i cancel the venue i will be charged a three thousand cancellation fee. i dont know what to do. i wish i never accepted my moms help in the first place beca se now im st ck paying the videographer and caterers she already hired. stii
Post # 3
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
If you let this happen now, it’s going to keep happening forever. You are getting married, which means you are an adult. You are perfectly capable of managing your own life. At this point I would cancel it all and let her be furious. It will lose some money, but independence is PRICELESS. And so are friendships.
Post # 4
Member
531 posts
Busy bee
@KatyElle: I agree
@piiink: Your wedding has turned into your moms wedding. You either stand up to her now or plan on getting treated this way for the rest of your life. If you stand up for yourself she’ll get over it eventually. Remember, its YOU and your fi’s day, not hers, so do what will make you two happy on that once in a lifetime day.
Post # 5
Member
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
@piiink: If she’s not paying for everything, then why are you allowing her to have control over everything? KatyElle said it – you’re an adult, she’s an adult. You choose how you want to have YOUR wedding that YOU’RE paying for. How she responds is up to her, but you have no control over that. At this point you’re allowing her to steamroll you into have the wedding of her dreams. If the wedding continues down this path, it’s only because you allowed it. I’d put a stop to it…. if she makes a decision that’s hurtful, the regret will be on her.
Post # 6
Member
914 posts
Busy bee
Agree with other posters. You have to set boundaries with her. Even if she is contributing monetarily, it’s still your wedding, not hers. Figure out the important elements that you want to control (like inviting your only friend, which I think you definitely should!) and other non-important things to you that she can make the decisions on. That way she can still feel like she gets input, but your wedding will be yours and not hers.
Good luck!
Post # 7
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper
Did your mother have awedding? With all the bells and whistles?
If she didn’t, maybe that’s why she is trying to create one for you… so she can finally have a “wedding” of her dreams!
Post # 8
Member
1550 posts
Bumble bee
i say cancel it and call your grandparents.
Your mom has no right to forbid you inviting your friend to YOUR wedding and not even letting you pick the food? is she mad?
So i thought about 2 options here:
a) cancel it
b) invite your friend anyway and talk with the caterer and pick the food you and your Fiance like without you mom knowing
Post # 9
Member
5428 posts
Bee Keeper
@Anamagana: b) invite your friend anyway and talk with the caterer and pick the food you and your Fiance like without you mom knowing
I mother is involved, she won’t pay for it…. and the caterer will be out of money.
Post # 10
Member
89 posts
Worker bee
my mom picked the venue and expects my fi and i to pay. i regret letting her help me but i wanted to include her in the planning since im the only daughter and she really wanted to help plan. i just didnt think she would be controlling everything.
im thinking of scrapping the entire wedding plans but still want to put together a new one in time for my grandparents to attend. if this happens, im sure my parents will be mad at me for canceling even though invites have been sent out. it would humiliate them since they invited their coworkers and relatives.
Post # 11
Member
46336 posts
Honey Beekeeper
If you are mature enough to get married, you are mature enough to have the wedding you want. Spend some time with your Fiance deciding what is important to you, then make it happen.
Post # 12
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
You say she booked the videographer? Then she signed the contracts, not you. You have no financial obligation unless you signed on the dotted line.
Post # 13
Member
3357 posts
Sugar bee
..and this is why, as much as I love my mother, I was perfectly fine paying for my own wedding. It gave me utter control and because my mother wasn’t contributing a single cent, my word trumped hers.
you need to set boundaries and put your foot down. I am my mother’s only daughter too, but even she realized that it’s MY day and I’m not doing it FOR her.
Post # 14
Member
3261 posts
Sugar bee
You’re not a child. Put your foot down, and plan your wedding how you want.
Post # 15
Member
4275 posts
Honey bee
I am confused…
I thought she wasn’t paying for the wedding?
How is she having any say at all in the wedding process if she isn’t putting down a dime and how is it any of her business?
Post # 16
Member
195 posts
Blushing bee
You need to have a heart-felt conversation with your mom and let her know how you feel. If she is only paying for part of the wedding, it’s not “her” wedding to control. It is still your wedding and you are free to invite who you wish to invite.
You don’t need to cancel, you need to talk to your mom and have her understand that it is YOUR (& your FI’s) wedding. Let her know how much you appreciate the fact that she wants to be so involved, but you should be able to invite people you want to invite.
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