(Closed) mom wont let me invite my one friend to my wedding

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

If you let this happen now, it’s going to keep happening forever. You are getting married, which means you are an adult. You are perfectly capable of managing your own life. At this point I would cancel it all and let her be furious. It will lose some money, but independence is PRICELESS. And so are friendships.


Post # 4
531 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@KatyElle:  I agree


@piiink:  Your wedding has turned into your moms wedding.  You either stand up to her now or plan on getting treated this way for the rest of your life.  If you stand up for yourself she’ll get over it eventually.  Remember, its YOU and your fi’s day, not hers, so do what will make you two happy on that once in a lifetime day.  


Post # 5
2104 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@piiink:  If she’s not paying for everything, then why are you allowing her to have control over everything?  KatyElle said it – you’re an adult, she’s an adult.  You choose how you want to have YOUR wedding that YOU’RE paying for.  How she responds is up to her, but you have no control over that.  At this point you’re allowing her to steamroll you into have the wedding of her dreams.  If the wedding continues down this path, it’s only because you allowed it.  I’d put a stop to it…. if she makes a decision that’s hurtful, the regret will be on her.

Post # 6
914 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Agree with other posters. You have to set boundaries with her. Even if she is contributing monetarily, it’s still your wedding, not hers.  Figure out the important elements that you want to control (like inviting your only friend, which I think you definitely should!) and other non-important things to you that she can make the decisions on.  That way she can still feel like she gets input, but your wedding will be yours and not hers.

Good luck!

Post # 7
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

Did your mother have awedding? With all the bells and whistles? 

If she didn’t, maybe that’s why she is trying to create one for you… so she can finally have a “wedding” of her dreams!

Post # 8
1547 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

i say cancel it and call your grandparents.

Your mom has no right to forbid you inviting your friend to YOUR wedding and not even letting you pick the food? is she mad?

So i thought about 2 options here:

a) cancel it

b) invite your friend anyway and talk with the caterer and pick the food you and your Fiance like without you mom knowing


Post # 9
5428 posts
Bee Keeper

@Anamagana:  b) invite your friend anyway and talk with the caterer and pick the food you and your Fiance like without you mom knowing

I mother is involved, she won’t pay for it…. and the caterer will be out of money.

Post # 11
46607 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If you are mature enough to get married, you are mature enough to have the wedding you want. Spend some time with your Fiance deciding what is important to you, then make it happen.

Post # 12
2105 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

You say she booked the videographer? Then she signed the contracts, not you. You have no financial obligation unless you signed on the dotted line. 

Post # 13
3357 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

..and this is why, as much as I love my mother, I was perfectly fine paying for my own wedding. It gave me utter control and because my mother wasn’t contributing a single cent, my word trumped hers.

you need to set boundaries and put your foot down. I am my mother’s only daughter too, but even she realized that it’s MY day and I’m not doing it FOR her.

Post # 14
3261 posts
Sugar bee

You’re not a child. Put your foot down, and plan your wedding how you want.

Post # 15
4272 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

I am confused…

I thought she wasn’t paying for the wedding?

How is she having any say at all in the wedding process if she isn’t putting down a dime and how is it any of her business?

Post # 16
195 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

You need to have a heart-felt conversation with your mom and let her know how you feel.  If she is only paying for part of the wedding, it’s not “her” wedding to control.  It is still your wedding and you are free to invite who you wish to invite.

You don’t need to cancel, you need to talk to your mom and have her understand that it is YOUR (& your FI’s) wedding.  Let her know how much you appreciate the fact that she wants to be so involved, but you should be able to invite people you want to invite.

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