(Closed) Mom won't stop buying stuff without asking.

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
9053 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2010

Does she keep the receipts?  Just return them.  Say you need it for the sake of keeping track of the budget.

Or just take them and don’t use them.  Sucks that she wasted her money.

Post # 4
Hostess
7560 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2013

I wouldn’t use her stuff AT ALL. Doing so just confirms that she should have bought it. Instead tell her to take it back. If she can’t take it back that’s too bad, she shouldn’t have bought it in the first place. 

Post # 6
Member
2934 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

Can you just say something to her like, “Mom, I know you were trying to help and I love you for it, but these just aren’t things I want. Please return them?”

Off topic, but could you please refer to her as “a person with bipolar who is unmedicated?” She’s a person first, and her mental illness is only one aspect of her.

Post # 7
Member
2951 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 1998

You poor thing 

Seems like she wants to help. Maybe ask her next time who she is marrying seeing she bought a lot of stuff for herself LOL 

Post # 8
Member
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Pick your battles. It sounds like she’s genuinely trying to help, even if her tastes are misguided. Do you really want to fight with your mother over a pen or a pillow that absolutely no one but you is going to notice? Put her in charge of some things/decisions/purchases that you don’t mind delegating, so she’ll stay busy and feel like she’s contributing, but also learn how to accept her gifts graciously, even if they’re not at ll what you want. Just pretend that it’s an ugly Christmas sweater or something, and make a big fuss over whatever you delegate to her so she’ll feel like you value her help.

Post # 10
Member
1710 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Walt Disney World

The only form of communication I could tell was happening is over FB…how about over the phone?  Maybe that or face-to-face communication would create more of an imprint on your mom on how you want your wedding to go…other than that, all I can say is that I hope she kept receipts for the stuff she bought that you don’t like.  It does sound like she’s trying to help though…

Post # 11
Member
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

Stop telling her your ideas and what you want.  Tell her that you have already discussed with her not to buy these things but she continues and you will not be made to feel obligated to use them if they aren’t what you want.

Remind her that if she buys something at an obscure store and can’t get her money back, that is her problem.  Sounds like she is being a controlling mobzilla who doesn’t want to back off.

Set boundaries now.

Signed,

Three time MOB

Post # 12
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Be honest and blunt with her. Tell her you don’t need those things and tell her to return it.

Post # 13
Member
1606 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@lizzimi:  Post them in the classifieds on this site and send her the link – lol

Post # 14
Member
274 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@lizzimi seems to me your mom is trying to help. I’m sure she means well. I think you should be thankful you have a mother who is trying to help and be supportive. A lot of posts i see are about Bees whose mothers arnt there for them, dont help and are unsupportive.

 

I understand what you’re saying. My mom bought me toasting glasses that look like they belong in the 80’s but I’m thankful none the less. I don’t believe people are going to remember my 80’s looking toasting glasses when the wedding is over. You should just ask her to be more mindful that you’re vision may not be what hers is. And maybe you can suggest that you both can go shopping for little details the next time you see each other.

 

By the way, I’m sorry this DRIVES ME CRAZY…. your mother is NOTan unmedicated bi-polar”….

She HAS bi-polar.

It;s like saying someone who is diagnosed with cancer is cancer. sorry end rant lol

Post # 15
Member
19 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: February 2013

I know how you feel my Future Mother-In-Law is doing the same thing. If she is like my Future Mother-In-Law you can’t just say”no” without it turning into a whole big thing. I’m sorry I don’t have much advise because I’m in the same boat.

 

Most of our wedding is DIY, including the food. She takes this as she can put whatever she wants on the buffet table. She has been going on about crock pots for 8 months now even though I bought nice steamers to put all the food in. There will be no crock pots. Now Fiance went to her house yesterday and she had bough a bunch of potato chips. POTATO CHIPS! He told here there were not going to be POTATO CHIPS on my buffet table, she threw a fit.

Post # 16
Member
7647 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

I just flat out would say thanks for the gesture, but I am (not I want) I AM going to make my own guestbook, mom.

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