(Closed) Mommy Bees…Especially Those Divorced (Remarried or Not)

posted 6 years ago in Parenting
Post # 17
Member
396 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think you are right on the money that your husband’s ex is doing this as a way to turn get back at your husband somehow.  An activity every single day is too much for a 2nd grader.  It’s kind of like she’s saying, oh you want him in more activities? Ok I’ll give you more! Like if she’s going to follow your husband’s desire, she has to do it in a way that will be effect him (and their son) negatively.

As far as the practices, I think the idea that parents need to attend all their kid’s practices is an example of total overparenting.  Yes, it would hurt a child if their parents never attended any of their games or performances, but the idea that you’re being a bad parent if you don’t watch them practice is frankly ridiculous.  It only furthers the notion that children should be the absolute center of their parent’s universe, and that even if the parent needs to do important things such us um working, that it doesn’t matter.  I think that sends a bad message to kids.

 

Post # 18
Member
11746 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Coral99:  she sounds nutty but I also don’t think just because it’s not his time your husband shouldnt show up for his kid. When he can make things he should go, if he can’t he can’t. It happens. But he shouldn’t feel like he is only a parent once a week because that’s his time. I have to disagree that his kid is too young to notice if he is there. Unless he’s an infant, he notices.

 

i think your husband, his son and te mom should sit down together and talk to the son abour which activities he wants to do!

 

Post # 19
Member
517 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

I think she’s jealous and bitter that he remarried and that they aren’t the family they once were so she’s being very vindictive. I bet money that once she finds a relationship of her own this will die down. I’m a mother and a step mother, my step daughters mother is vindictive also but I mind my business and focus on what’s going on in my own home. I would suggest you do the same, allow your Darling Husband to manage that and just focus on being a good person towards his son. My ex’s girlfriend doesn’t have to deal with any drama because I’ve fully moved on from him, so once your DH’s ex moves on things will be peaceful again.

Post # 20
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

My parents ware married and both of my parents did not show up to practices. In fact, if I had a practice, my parents usually never attended. I always had one parent at a game though.  

I think your Darling Husband should attend as many games as possible. Practices are not a big deal. 

Post # 21
Member
63 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MmeVT:  I totally agree! Kids need to see that their parents have lives outside of them. Kids also need to have lives outside of their parents.

Post # 22
Member
3281 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@MmeVT:  +1 I have never even heard of parents attending practices. Is that what people do now?

My parents came to every single game I had as a kid, as far as I can remember. Honestly, I wished they didn’t )they were divorced) because they just fought the whole time and made big scenes. But if they hadn’t done that, I’m sure I would have liked it.

Going to every practice is way too much IMO.

Post # 23
Member
507 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I am divorced.  We have it in our agreement that each child (we have 2) can not be in more than 2 activities at one time.  Neither of us wanted an overscheduled child and we wanted to make sure that activities were balanced with the need to also have family time.

Also, regarding going to practices.  I absolutely do not go to practices.  My daughter is in gymnastics and soccer and I never go to the practices.  She asked me to early on but I explained that this was her activity and that it wasn’t fair to ask me to give up my time in the evenings doing things that I need to do.  I work full time so while she is at practice, I get some alone time with my other child.  Or I get stuff done around the house. And NONE of the other parents stay for practice. 

I do go to the special events like gymanstics meets and try to attend as many games as possible.  But with 2 kids in soccer in the same district, there are many times the games overlap and then my ex and I tag team.

That said, I don’t feel the need to be at every game.  My husband and I like to camp and if we are going camping, I don’t come back into town for the games.

Post # 24
Member
924 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I attend every single “game” that I possibly can, whether it is my time or not. I attend practices when it is my time and my exH attends practices (or drops them off) when it is his time. I think the email thing is ridiculous. Your Darling Husband needs to sit down with his ex-wife and establish some new boundaries. They need to discuss, with the child, what, if any, sports or extra curriculur activities he really wants to be in. I can’t remember if you said how old the child is, but if he is in that many activities, he should know and be able to voice an opinion on it. Ignore the hateful emails. You may need to ask your attorney how to enforce the “disparaging or negative remarks” clause in the divorce decree (most of them have something) if you suspect she is making comments about your Darling Husband to her child. Good luck! My experience (divorced 6 years now, with a 10 year old and 14 year old) is that it does get better with time and age. 

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