Mommy Shaming

posted 1 week ago in Parenting
Post # 136
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1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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@mrssouthernfairytale:  that sounds intense! I definitely plan to study hypnobirthing in case things go quickly, or if some reason pops up and I couldn’t get one, but the risks are so low, and at this stage, I definitely think I’d want one. Things can change, and it’s unpredictable so who can say! I think it’s like running a marathon…most people have no desire to do it, and those who do it feel accomplished, which can come off as shaming. There’s a fine line between feeling proud of an accomplishment and making people who don’t have the desire to pursue that particular accomplishment feel inadequate. 

Post # 138
Member
1298 posts
Bumble bee

I think it’s important to recognise that unfortunately it’s women who seem to judge other women so harshly in these areas. Like we are a part of the problem, it’s not just some passive thing that’s happening to us. I’m not a mother yet but I’m already planning to have an elective c section for my own reasons and can already imagine the comments I’m going to get lol. xo

Post # 139
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1515 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

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@mrssouthernfairytale:  I was 8 pounds 3 weeks earlier (to a smoking mom), and DH was 10 pounds 1-2 weeks early back in the late seventies, so part of wanting the meds is the fact that I’m sure our hopefully-soon-to-be-conceived offspring will be a monster. I do get it though, because I’m a (very slow) runner who has done a few half marathons. Training for and accomplishing an intense physical feat is incredible, but you’ve always gotta remind yourselves that some people have zero interest in accomplishing that same feat, and it’s not an indictment of you. Just like I can’t imagine someone NOT wanting to run and revel in the accomplishment of distance running, I can get how someone who is super into their unmedicated birth gets overly excited about it. But, honestly, that’s a human thing, getting sensitive about people not liking things we like…my DH gets personally affronted when I have no interest in fantasy football or helping him put together his golf pushcart, LOL. 

Post # 140
Member
3877 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I was afraid of this and prepared for this when I became a mOm (mom of 2 now), but I’ve actually had the opposite experience. I’ve been pleasantly surprised by how supportive people have been (even strangers, and if all generations!). Of course I’ve had family who did things different and who try to give us “advice” (we be share, do BLW, use a more mindful/attachment parenting approach) but it’s usually from love and never pushy. I have a lot of mom friends and our styles are different but we are outwardly supportive, because we know it’s hard and there’s not just one right way to parent. Even through quarantine I haven’t felt judged. It had been one of the best surprises of becoming a mom. I don’t know if it’s just my area or not, but maybe some of the mommy shaming is turning into support/compassion? Or the “tribe” mentality we heard about a lot nowadays?

Post # 141
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1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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@mrssouthernfairytale:  omg it is no joke! We got to the hospital and I was at a 6 and I was in literal hell with the pain. I’ve never experienced anything like it in my life. It was all consuming pain and I was in total agony. It was a 10 out of 10. I wa a begging for an epidural. I honestly don’t know how someone does it without pain meds. 

Post # 142
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1934 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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@happyjuju:  you do whatever you need to do for you! For me the c section I had to have was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I think being realistic and informed about recovery is so important. I didn’t realize it would be so hard but everyone on here was right that by week 4 I was beginning to see the light at the end of the recovery tunnel. I wish I had done more research about it becuase I was totally unprepared and because of that I felt like I was never going to recover or feel the same way again, and it was even harder when I had a case of the sads for the first few weeks. But now at 5 weeks I’m feeling closer to myself. 

 

btw If you haven’t had a c section before, I have it on my list to ask before I have to have another one with my next child that 1) I be given a different numbing medication for surgery that doesn’t give me the shakes becuase I was uncontrollably shaking muscle spasm for the whole hour and a half surgery that was unbarable. And 2) that the pain med they give after surgery is different becuase the one they gave me made me itch all over my body for 8 hours after and I couldn’t even sleep becuase of it and no meds they gave me got rid of it. Had to wait for it to work out of my syatem on my own. 

Post # 145
Member
9049 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

The epidural comments are funny because with my first I didn’t have one and thought to myself “that wasn’t so bad! What are these ladies talking about? Are they just all wimps?” NOPE. Then I had my second and 30 hours into my induction I caved and got it. Holy moly I didn’t know pain like that existed and I understood why women love the epidural. 

Post # 146
Member
9989 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@dianaj17:  

What a well reasoned and well put post. Thank you, l have no investment in the topic per se, but l can always appreciate a well turned argument !

Post # 147
Member
2736 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

I’m a mom of an 11 and 8 year old. Yeah I’ve been shamed…but mostly brush it off. This one time when my 11 year old was about 1 1/2, I went to go visit my husband at work with my baby. I was making small talk with the secretaries and this one old bat (hate her), said, omg you’re already putting her in a toddler bed! She’s still a baby, she belongs in a crib. My child had already started to climb out of the crib and fell once onto the hard wood floors, hence the move to a lower toddler bed. But w/e Karen…

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