Post # 1
So, my wedding is over a year away, but what my future name will be has been on my mind for a long time. Reason being, my FI’s mom and I have the same first and middle names. So if I go the traditional route, and take my FI’s name, dropping my own, his mom and I will have the exact same name.
This bugs me – it’s weird enough that we’re both Jill right now. But I guess- how different would it be to have the same middle and last names?
Well, my mom and I were talking about names, and I mentioned that I didn’t know what I’m going to do, because I definitely want his name somewhere in mine. There’s the hyphen option, but I don’t want a super long last name. Or I could just have 4 names, but I’m not a huge fan of that either. When I brought up dropping my middle name and replacing it with my current last name, my mom FREAKED out. She said “I would be so offended if you did that” which I guess is because we have the same middle names, so that’s the part of my name that is for her. And now she isn’t talking to me (she is a bit of a drama queen).
I honestly didn’t think it would be this big of a deal! And I thought she would understand that I didn’t want to have the same name as my Future Mother-In-Law, but she said she would rather I have a name I didn’t like than lose a part of “me” (her).
I should point out- my last name is my dad’s (they’re divorced and both remarried) so my last name isn’t connected to her other than she used to have it.
What would you do?
Post # 3
Hmm I might just go with the four names! It’s not great but it at least distinguishes you from your Future Mother-In-Law. Another option would be to add your mom’s name after your first name, so you share a different name with your mom but still have your own name, does that make sense?
Post # 4
I would go with whatever you want to do – whether or not it pleases your mom. She doesn’t have to live with the name for the rest of her life and all the confusion if you are the same as Future Mother-In-Law. You do.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn
I probably wouldn’t change my last name in this scenario (same first name as MIL). But if you want to take your husband’s name, maybe you could use your mom’s first name or maiden name as your new middle name.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center
I’m dropping my middle name and am taking my maiden name to replace it and then am taking Mr. D’s last name.
Post # 7
I would just take my Fiance name and share a name with my Future Mother-In-Law. I honestly don’t see that as a big deal at all.
Post # 8
Tell your mom that she got to pick your first name and that should be enough. Then, do what you want. Maybe you can console her by promising a future child having he middle name or something…just a thought.
Post # 9
I would just take your husband’s last name. My Future Mother-In-Law and her two sisters in law all share the same first and last name!! FIL’s sister was named it first and then him and his brother both married wives with the same last name. It’s a bit confusing…
Could you go by Jillian or something and she’s Jill?
Post # 10
What if you dropped your middle name and used her maiden name for your middle name instead of using your last name since they’re divorced? Then you’d still have a part of her…
Post # 11
I’d go with 4 names, as you really don’t use your middle name that often. I actually did this, as I was unwilling to part completely with my last name. I’m the last of 3 girls to get married, and no one to carry on our name.
Post # 12
i come from a pretty selfish perspective and am far from a people pleaser (am i the only one out there????), so take my thoughts with that in mind… do what YOU want. it’s your name. you are an adult. i think using her maiden name as your middle name is a nice compromise, but not necessary.
i think sharing an exact name with your mother in law would be a pain…
Post # 13
Honestly, do what you want. It’s your choice, not your mother’s or your future mother in law’s (though it doesn’t seem like the latter is pressuring you, her name is clearly affecting your own choice).
Personally, I wouldn’t want to have the same first and last name as my Mother-In-Law (even w/ different middle names, it’d be a little weird) BUT I also didn’t change my name even without that issue. If you want to change your name, do it. If you want to change your middle name, do it. Honestly, I think the difference between Jill Mary Smith and Jill Jones Smith is pretty small – you’re going to have the same first and last name either way, unless you make another choice. But it’s your choice, not your mother’s. It’s the same as when a guy is making a big deal about his fiancee’s decision, or some other relative. People occasionally make your business their business (apparently really frequently with name change decisions) but they’ll back off eventually once you make your choice and are comfortable with it.
Post # 14
Hmm, tough one. Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law have the same name and their mail get’s mixed up all the time. It also happens a lot with email and just keeping them straight in general.
Would you consider keeping your maiden last name, but go by your husbands last name socially? That’s probably what I would do.
Post # 15
If I were you I wouldn’t change my last name.
Post # 16
Thanks for all the responses!
I want to take his name, so whatever I do, it’ll definitely be in there somewhere.
@medsie35: Thank you for this idea about giving a future child the middle name! She will really like that I think.
@PinkMagnolia: Unfortunately, we are both just Jill. I always thought it was so different that my mom left the -ian off, but obviously not, lol
I worry about the mail, per @Crabbabs comment. I have already received some of her mail just because Fiance recently moved in with me, and the PO is already confused!
For those of you that told me to do what I want to do – thanks. I needed someone to say it. I tend to take a lot of advice from my mom generally, so it’s hard when there’s not many other people to talk about stuff with! Fiance just says “I don’t care what you do with your name, as long as you’re my wife” which is sweet, but not helpful, lol.