(Closed) Mom/name drama!

posted 6 years ago in Names
  • poll: Which name option would you choose?
    Same name as FMIL. It's not that much different than now. : (11 votes)
    22 %
    Super long name (hyphen or 2nd middle name). Especially since middle names aren't used much. : (13 votes)
    25 %
    Drop middle name and replace it with maiden name. It's my choice, not my mom's. : (22 votes)
    43 %
    Other (explained below). : (5 votes)
    10 %
  • Post # 3
    4046 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Hmm I might just go with the four names! It’s not great but it at least distinguishes you from your Future Mother-In-Law. Another option would be to add your mom’s name after your  first name, so you share a different name with your mom but still have your own name, does that make sense?

    Post # 4
    5296 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 1993

    I would go with whatever you want to do – whether or not it pleases your mom. She doesn’t have to live with the name for the rest of her life and all the confusion if you are the same as Future Mother-In-Law. You do. 

    Post # 5
    2316 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2013 - Old Stone House in Brookyn

    I probably wouldn’t change my last name in this scenario (same first name as MIL). But if you want to take your husband’s name, maybe you could use your mom’s first name or maiden name as your new middle name.

    Post # 6
    1466 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Father's Vineyard Church/ A Touch of Class Banquet Center

    I’m dropping my middle name and am taking my maiden name to replace it and then am taking Mr. D’s last name.

    Post # 7
    13099 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I would just take my Fiance name and share a name with my Future Mother-In-Law.  I honestly don’t see that as a big deal at all.

    Post # 8
    245 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: March 2012

    Tell your mom that she got to pick your first name and that should be enough. Then, do what you want. Maybe you can console her by promising a future child having he middle name or something…just a thought.

    Post # 9
    3375 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: October 2011

    I would just take your husband’s last name. My Future Mother-In-Law and her two sisters in law all share the same first and last name!! FIL’s sister was named it first and then him and his brother both married wives with the same last name. It’s a bit confusing…

    Could you go by Jillian or something and she’s Jill?

    Post # 10
    355 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    What if you dropped your middle name and used her maiden name for your middle name instead of using your last name since they’re divorced?  Then you’d still have a part of her…

    Post # 11
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    I’d go with 4 names, as you really don’t use your middle name that often. I actually did this, as I was unwilling to part completely with my last name. I’m the last of 3 girls to get married, and no one to carry on our name.


    Post # 12
    3100 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    i come from a pretty selfish perspective and am far from a people pleaser (am i the only one out there????), so take my thoughts with that in mind… do what YOU want. it’s your name. you are an adult. i think using her maiden name as your middle name is a nice compromise, but not necessary.

    i think sharing an exact name with your mother in law would be a pain…

    Post # 13
    2392 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Honestly, do what you want.  It’s your choice, not your mother’s or your future mother in law’s (though it doesn’t seem like the latter is pressuring you, her name is clearly affecting your own choice).

    Personally, I wouldn’t want to have the same first and last name as my Mother-In-Law (even w/ different middle names, it’d be a little weird) BUT I also didn’t change my name even without that issue.  If you want to change your name, do it.  If you want to change your middle name, do it.  Honestly, I think the difference between Jill Mary Smith and Jill Jones Smith is pretty small – you’re going to have the same first and last name either way, unless you make another choice.  But it’s your choice, not your mother’s.  It’s the same as when a guy is making a big deal about his fiancee’s decision, or some other relative.  People occasionally make your business their business (apparently really frequently with name change decisions) but they’ll back off eventually once you make your choice and are comfortable with it.

    Post # 14
    899 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: November 1999

    Hmm, tough one. Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law have the same name and their mail get’s mixed up all the time. It also happens a lot with email and just keeping them straight in general.  

    Would you consider keeping your maiden last name, but go by your husbands last name socially? That’s probably what I would do. 

    Post # 15
    385 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    If I were you I wouldn’t change my last name.

    The topic ‘Mom/name drama!’ is closed to new replies.

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