Post # 1
I’m curious how close your SOs/FIs/DHs are to their moms. I notice myself getting irritated a lot by how.. “omnipresent” my SO’s mom can be, and while she means well, it just gets to me! We have dinner at my SO’s parents house every week night (because she loves cooking for all of us and they live so close), she calls him everyday just to “chat”, on top of that she is always facebook messaging him articles/pictures of whatever she sees that he thinks would be interesting, like probably 3 messages/day that he tells me about. We also do an activity with his family at least once a week, like seeing a movie or attending local events. And she really is THE SWEETEST lady, but too much of a good thing is still too much! She always mentions how awesome it is to be able to have all of us spend time together, so I know she really appreciates the togetherness. So I’m just curious, how close is the man you love to his mom?
Post # 2
She passed away when DH was in his mid 20’s.
Post # 3
My DH is not close to his mom. He saw her at Christmas and this last weekend at Easter. Not in between. I saw her twice between those times because I take our kids over to see her because I feel bad and she’s a nice lady. I feel like he should see/call her more.
Post # 4
My Future Mother-In-Law is a nice lady, but my Fiance is not terribly close with her. I think it’s a little sad for her because my mom and I are super close and I think she should have that with my Fiance, but I guess mothers and daughters are different from mothers and sons.
Post # 5
This sounds like a bit much to me! Eating dinner there 5 nights a week???
My husband loves his mom and all and helps her with things around her house but we only get together with her maybe once a month for dinner. She’ll keep in touch with us by texting once in awhile but that’s pretty much it. I like it that way.
Post # 6
That’s what I would like also. I feel overwhelmed a lot but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings especially when she’s really not doing anything wrong but loving lol.
Post # 7
Every week night? OMG that would make me crazy. You guys need your own time!
My FI’s mother passed away right after I met him, but Fiance is super close with his dad. But still we have dinner with him once a week, and then a group dinner on Wednesday nights with him and their adult softball league (FI and dad play on the team together). And that is plenty for me.
Post # 8
@talula23 I am going through almost the exact same thing! My husband is super close with his family and they live about 10 minutes away. I especially feel like he is super close with his mom. I am having the same feelings as you – even though she is always doing nice things for us and is the nicest lady, it gets to be a bit much. I think it is especially hard for me because my parents live a 3 hour plane ride away so it is hard to get used to someone being aroundd so often when I see my own parents a few times a year.
Sadly, I don’t really have any advice. Hopefully it helps just to know that you are not alone in this struggle and especially in feeling like you want some space even though everything she is doing is nice. I think finding balance, boundaries, and everyone finding their new roles in a new family takes some time and might not happen as quickly as you might think.
Post # 9
Thank you so much for your response! My parents are also very far away, a 7 hour drive. This does make me feel better, and hopeful.
Post # 10
they are close, but his mom is just super awesome in the sense that she doesn’t impose herself. They speak about 1-2 times a week. I love my Mother-In-Law so I wouldn’t care if they spoke more. She can be a little bit of a worrywart but it comes from a genuinely good place. She is actually the only person we trust to watch our daughter! lol
Post # 11
DH’s mom is great about giving him/us our space, but she is super friendly too. It works out that way because we’ve never lived in the same city or anything.
Post # 12
I am close to mine, but SO is also close to his not as much. She calls once a week we text her often. But mine calls me all day when I am at home. We got free calls international landphone just for her.
Post # 13
So hard because as you say she is a lovely lady and only means to be loving . And you are very fond of her.
Maybe you could start slowly. Make just one of those 5 nights ( eek, 5 night a week IS a lot!) a pizza night at home, or the night you always go out with particular friends or something . I;m thinking your SO could get to be be very happy with Friday night as a pizza and sex evening . You don’t have to announce it as a tradition in the making , just engineer the first one and maybe the second …..
Post # 14
Not very. They speak on the phone maybe once in a fortnight, if that. She lives on the other side of the country.
Post # 15
My boyfriend is close with his mom (and dad) but they live a 2 hour plane ride away. He sees them 3-4 times a year (sometimes more depending on if there’s a lot of family events that year) and talks to them maybe 1-2 times/week. His mom is very sweet and is a bit of a worrier, but my BF has 4 other siblings and she’s like that with all them.
I have an ex that was super close with his mom. But his mom couldn’t handle the fact that he was close with me – it was like she made it a competition. She didn’t work so her children were her entire life. They would talk multiple times a day and he would see her (and his dad) almost every weekend. At first I really was happy they were so close, but it was obvious that his mom was threatened by our relationship so she did everything she could to tear us apart. She would tell him things like he wasn’t good enough for me and that I would dump him for someone better. She accused my family of trying to take him away from her (even though she never met them; not to mention it was totally untrue). Eventually, he believed all these things (and more) and he became very insecure. His insecurites led to our breakup.
I’m not saying that all close mother-son relationships are bad, but you definitely have to set boundaries. My ex was not willing to do that. I definitely wouldn’t be eating with them 5 days/week.
I hate to say it, but you’ve started some other posts about your boyfriend that lead me to believe you guys may not be the best fit.