(Closed) Moms

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 16
Member
2598 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

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@talula23  Yeah, we had this. We live a mile from my Mother-In-Law. When we moved in, she literally TIMED every route to our house to figure out which one was the fastest. I’m not kidding. When we lived across the country from her, she sent him snail mail EVERY DAY. For MY birthday she gave me an 8×10 framed photograph of DH and her together when he was a baby, plus a stuffed leopard with note attached that read, “I’m Leppy’s (my DH’s security stuffed leopard when he was a little kid) grandson Leppo. Give me a good home!” I can’t make this shit up. 

Well, you do have to pick your battles, and in general, pick the ones that directly affect you. So, I think dinner over at her house every weeknight is a little much. I think 1-2 times/week is plenty, and this is something that you might work to change. Her conversations with your Fiance are less of an issue because you’re not really directly involved–with exception to the kind of information that gets passed between the two of them. Do have a talk with your Fiance about boundaries regarding what he can discuss with his mom regarding you and your guys’ marriage. It’s one thing for them to talk about the plans for landscaping; it’s another for them to talk about the plans for conception or something like that. I had to reign in my own DH a little more because I’m pretty private. It took a little while, but now he knows that if it’s something vaguely personal and it involves me, he shoudl ask me before announcing it with his mom. I wish I knew what to do/say about dinner, except that you can tell your DH that it’s really important to you that you have dinner as a couple because you want to nurture the two of you as your own family. You can also sweeten the blow by offering to host one dinner a week so Mother-In-Law can come to YOUR house. Other than that, just put up the boundaries where they see fit and be patient with long-term improvement 🙂

Post # 17
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Glen Island Harbour Club

My Fiance and his mom are very close.  She’s super sweet, and I think it’s great they’re so close…BUT sometimes it’s a bit much for me.  I don’t find her particularly overbearing, but I do get a bit nervous because I feel like he takes care of her a bit too much.  It almost seems like he thinks she’s incapable of handling things on her own.  I think to some degree, it’s because my mom is so independent, and only calls on my siblings or me when she really needs something.  I can’t imagine having dinner with Future Mother-In-Law 5 times a week, and would likely end that tradition before it started.   

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