(Closed) Mom's gone crazy

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
233 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

Hey!! Totally understandable to be feeling the way that you are! That’s a lot to deal with when this is supposed to be such a happy time! Unfortunately, it seems like the demise of your parents’ marriage is affecting how she feels toward your wedding…anything related to marriage right now is probably not something that brings her pleasure…try not to dwell on the negativity that you are receiving from her. Instead, focus on the support you are receiving from your BM’s and Mother-In-Law. 

However, it seems like your mom might be in need of some support of her own…while its understandable that you would want to talk wedding with your mom, it might be best to stay away from that topic with her for now…

Do you have siblings? I am wondering if you have some other support system in the family to help you deal with the divorce etc.

Regardless, I don’t think she means to be so negative…her emotions are getting the best of her and spilling over into your happiness; I am not saying that this is ok for her to do, but having knowledge of it may help you take her negative comments with a grain of salt. This is a happy time for you and the divorce of your parents has no bearing on the love you and your fiance share! Make sure you take some time to enjoy the whole process with the positive people in your support system – your BM’s, Mother-In-Law, friends, etc.

Best wishes!

Post # 5
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

You know, as a Mom, I had a difficult time agreeing with some dress choices, but they could see whether or not I liked something immediately anyway, so there was really no hiding it. If having many opinions is important to you and make you feel more confident in your choices, it seems your feelings about your dress were validated. If your MOM’s opinion is the most important and she doesn’t really like it, should she have lied? Would you believe her?

It sounds to me that she’s hurt because you picked it first without her being there and showed her later? Is that it?

Post # 7
Member
2622 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@ethorn13:  well said.

I would ask your mom if she could use some support. It is a happy time for you, but not so much for her and she is probably having a hard time adjusting to it all. 

Its not really about the dress, but about her losing her marriage. And the fact that your parents are divocing has no bearing on you or your wedding. Its unfortuante timing, but they are not “doing this to you”. Would you rather they live another 2 years in misery just to divorce after wedding? Peoples lives must go on.

 

Post # 8
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

I’m thinking that mom is down on your wedding because she is in the process of getting a divorce.  It sucks that she can’t be happy for you while dealing with her own divorce but divorce is very stressful and I will be the first to admit that I was not myself during my divorce.  Maybe it would be a good idea to set up a lunch date with your mom to discuss her and the divorce (and nothing about the wedding for that day.)

I do know that I was very negative about weddings for about a year after my divorce and I was able to turn down invitations.  She can’t because she is the MOB and she is probably worried about having to deal with your dad at the wedding with the divorce so fresh.

Make sure to otherwise surround yourself with people who love you and are positive about your relationship with your FH and as PP said take your mom’s comments and negativity with a grain of salt.

P.S. From one only child of divorced parents to another: be Switzerland!  Be neutral and don’t take sides in your parents’ divorce or it will harm your relationship with them.  That means spending equal time with both and not allowing one to bash the other in front of you.  Also, they can’t bring a date along when you are spending time with them until after the divorce is final; that way the other parent doesn’t think you are taking sides and supporting an adulterous relationship.  My FH and I laid down the ground rules with his parents and when they ultimately got back together we were able to resume our regular relationship with both and we were comfortable that neither one could tell the other that we had taken sides or said anything bad about the other parent.

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