Post # 16
First off, if you don’t want her in the delivery room either, that is your call. She has no entitlement to being there.
Secondly, I would have your Darling Husband step in and tell her to find other accomodations during her stay. Like the other ladies have mentioned, it can be great to have a helping hand around IF it is somone you are comfortable with. If you already know it will likely be a source of extra stress or conflict, put a stop to her staying at your place. You don’t need the extra stress of having her parent over your shoulder, or worrying about making her stay comfortable.
Personally, having people around right after having a baby (and I didn’t get out of the hospital until 5 days after birth), was NOT what I wanted. I just wanted to loaf around comfortably, whip out my boob as needed, and not have to be worried about extra people in my house.
As for your other question about visitors afterwards, I gave birth at 5am, and had a few visitors the next morning and some the following day as well. That was ok, since no one stayed very long.
Post # 17
MissLunchbox: If you’re Boyfriend or Best Friend, there is no help she can offer you over night. I’d shut this down right quick for multiple reasons. 1. you’re going to want privacy and to not share a bathroom! Pretty sure I only wore a shirt for the first few weeks when my in laws were over (which was a few hours a week tops).
Post # 18
MissLunchbox: As for your follow-up, my in laws saw popped in (with my permission) an hour after the baby was born. THey only stayed 15 minutes or so (and brought me food since the hospital food sucked!) I actually felt better with people there before my epidural had worn off! We only had parents come to the hospital and they mostly limited their time and we had no problem asking them to leave, so it wasn’t an issue. I think you need to just let people know that you will let them know what’s game when the time comes. You could feel great or you could feel awful, you’re never going to know.
Post # 19
This was exactly my thoughts- my own mother passed away almost two years ago. She was my BEST FRIEND- and even with her I had my privacy. His mom is playing the martyr and insists we change our minds…there’s no way I’d feel comfortable nursing in front of her. And in the past whenever Darling Husband and I have a disagreement in front of her she jumps to his aid and acts like I’m the nagging wife. With everything being so tense after birth I can’t imagine having her there if we have a spat. I may throw a diaper at her. And it may not be clean.
Post # 20
MissLunchbox: no way would I have allowed a house guest when I brought my son home. Nope. I didn’t want any visitors until I felt better (which would have been about 24 hours later) but I had a bad labor & it scared my parents so they were there when I got to the recovery room post c section. I was super nauseous and throwing up while they held the baby.
I felt like a million bucks the next morning and that’s when Mother-In-Law came to visit. I told my SO 30 min and at 90 I said I needed to rest and try nursing.
So my advice is be firm. Having a newborn is awesome but you will be going through a lot with recovery and some serious hormone surges. You and your husband will absolutely be able to handle it without her.
Good luck and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy!
Post # 21
MissLunchbox: do u guys have a house or a place where you would be staying in separate rooms? FH’s mom wanted to do the same thing and I was like NO NO NO! we ended up letting her and it actually worked out though. With Dear Daughter being my first, I was very apprehensive about anyone but myself, FH, and my own parents watching after her, but after the first few nights, you honestly might be glad she’s there. Having someone take night (or day) shift was amazing! I was SOOO grateful to get more than 2 hours of sleep at one time by that point that I didn’t care about me being annoyed that Mother-In-Law was there and how I was previously apprehensive about her watching Dear Daughter.
Post # 22
MissLunchbox: I think u have to consider where else she will stay. You won’t NEED the help. Darling Husband and I did just fine with twins. It’s nice to have someone around during the day so that you can take long showers and naps and stuff. but at night…nah. My Mother-In-Law lives with us and didn’t try to interfere too much but I would get super another when she would come out of her room when the babies were crying and would put her arms out like “give me the baby”….so as long as she knows to stay in her room at night, let you guys figure things out in your own.
Post # 23
When I had my first daughter my Mother-In-Law came to stay for a week. But I love her dearly snd she was super helpful- but your Mother-In-Law doesn’t sound like that at all.
Post # 24
MissLunchbox: ABSOLUTELY NOT. Unless you are very close to this women or are so comfortable with her that you wouldnt mind her seeing your naked body in some form and someone you feel totally ok “loosing it” in front of…. then NO one sould be staying with you during this time. Im sorry but she doesnt get to make the decision. I’d understand her being like this if your Darling Husband was like a mammas boy or something but you were saying they arnt even that close. YOU and your Darling Husband have the choice whether or not to let her in the house. She needs to be told by your Darling Husband…”mom I love you, and your more then welcome to come and have visits during the day, but during the first week home and coming home from the hospital that is a private time for misslunchbox and I, you are welcome to visit but not welcome to stay with us during this time END of story.”
When its your own mother its one thing but theres no way in hell I’d be letting my Mother-In-Law that Im not even that close to push in on something like that! To be honest Im having a baby in Feb and my mom lives on the other side of the country…she is going to be told we’re not having anyone visit if they are planning on staying with us ofr a at least a few weeks after!
Post # 25
MissLunchbox: and ot her comments “you’ll change your mind”…. well maybe you will… but your not going to know until it happens. NO your not staying with us, if you come you make plans to stay with x, y, z….IF we do decide we need help, we will tell you at the time.
(sorry lol….I have some pent up aggression towards my own pushy IL’s who dont know the meaning to the word NO, or the concept of boundaries, or the fact that not everything is centered around them and their wants)
Post # 26
MissLunchbox: No way I’d allow someone I was not close with staying overnight after the baby was born. After i gave birth I HATED having guests and did not allow visitors to stay for longer than 1 hour. I basically sat around half naked for the first couple of weeks while we figured out how to nurse. There’s no way i would have done that infront of Mother-In-Law. Dear Daughter is 5 months and i’ve never nursed in the same room as Mother-In-Law, I’ve got no problem nursing in public, but in front of my Mother-In-Law, heck no I’ll go in the other room. You might consider not telling her until after the baby is born and you are ready for visitors. Unless she’s going to show up, do your laundry, cook and clean your house (which my own mom didn’t even do) she’s probably just gonna baby snatch and make you feel miserable. Especially if you are trying to Boyfriend or Best Friend and she doesn’t support that.