(Closed) Moms judging other moms/moms-to-be…

posted 6 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 4
Member
691 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I completely understand where you’re coming from. That being said, with the opinion of “live and let live” comes other opinions, and some people just feel that it’s necessary to tell people what they think regardless of whether they have been asked or not.

I’ve been flamed for one thing in particular and that led me to use these boards less often. I felt that it wasn’t worth the upset or the energy trying to explain my/my DH’s decision, so I simply just stopped replying to the thread and it eventually died out on its own.

It’s taken wedding planning and this pregnancy for me to realize that I can’t control what others think of me and my actions – the only thing I can control is how I react to them!

Post # 6
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Do I agree that people need to stop giving contraversial opinions when it is expressly stated in the OP that they are not desired? Definitely. But I also wish those Bees who seemingly only use the pregnancy boards to whine and complain about contraversial things would be more balanced in what they share here if they don’t want to constantly feel like they’re being “flamed”. There are people on the TTC board and survivors of loss, like myself, who would kill for their problems.

Just another perspective for the moms who always feel like they’re being unfairly judged.

Post # 8
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@PandasWifey:  I’m not saying anyone should be made to feel bad, I’m just saying to be realistic. If you only put posts out there that are contraversial, looking to hear only what you want to hear and come off as you complaining about carrying your child all the time, people aren’t going to be all sunshine and roses about it. Its constant posts like those that are why I spend most of my time of my FertilityFriend EDD group, and pretty much none here where it runs rampant.

Post # 10
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@PandasWifey:  I totally agree that it’s a support group. But I doubt I’m the only one bothered by the few people who only have negative things to say all the time. I’m not saying anyone should live out their pregnancy like I do, hell I don’t recommend it because I’m terrified of losing my baby ALL the time. But I’m not posting about it all the time because while we may not always be grateful, and rightfully so, these children chose us to be their mothers- that is so overwhelmingly amazing that I don’t feel like only broadcasting the negative in my pregnancy is honoring the amazing gift I’ve been given.

Like I said originally, I just wish people were more balanced in how they post- sure post about the crappy stuff, but don’t forget that even if you’ve never struggled to have this baby that you’re in the midst of something truly miraculous. Remember the good things too, share them too.

Not trying to frustrate your thread or argue with you ETP, I just get frustrated by the lack of balance in some Bees’ posts.

Post # 11
Member
189 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I could not agree more with this. I lurk around all the boards and I do get frustrated out how we all attack each other if we don’t agree on something. I understand that we all have very strong opinions but they are JUST opinions, and we need to give each other support instead of making ourselves feel bad – especially since when most people post questions or issue it is because they are looking for help not condemnation. I understand that people can become very upset, but if someone posts something like “what type of formula milk should I use” they shouldn’t be flamed for not breastfeeding.

On a note, I understand if people are having problems TTC it can be upsetting to see women who are pregnant complaining about things that seem inconsequential but just because their problems seem insignificant doesn’t mean they are not important to the person. I think in cases where you have nothing nice to say, you really should say nothing at all.

Post # 13
Member
686 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

@PandasWifey:  I agree that forums paint a very incomplete picture of people. All I’m saying is that you can vent away, but also share that you wrote an amazing letter to your daughter today (not necessarily the letter itself obviously), that you bought some fabulous nursery furniture, that you have an amazing doctor or midwife that makes you feel empowered to take on and conquer your birth experience.

Everyone can identify the negatives in pregnancy as in life, but not everyone can embrace the awesome in either. I feel like if more people shared the side of their journey that is amazing in better balance, people would generally be more supportive of the vent-y threads and be less antagonistic in their approach to contraversial threads.

But again, this is just my feeling on it, I am not the authority on anything and I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad. Just offering a different perspective.

Post # 14
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Not to be a Negative Nancy, but pregnancy is just the beginning. People will berate you for everything from epidurals to formula feeding, to what preschool you choose, to painting the nursery with non organic paint, to picking up some Wonderbread instead of the 80 billion grain bread that weighs a ton and your kids won’t eat. It never stops. I’m much better now at telling people where they can stick their opinions. Is your kid loved? Fed? In a safe home? Great, then find something else to nitpick.

 

Post # 15
Member
674 posts
Busy bee

@KatyElle: Yup! I don’t even have kids, but I see this all the time.

An economist wrote a book that I’ve been meaning to pick up on why parenting doesn’t have to be as obsessive as some argue it must be to “prove” you love your kids. One reason I have it on my “get around to reading it” list is because when it came out, he was pratically attacked by women trying to say he was almost advocating for ignoring your children. There was just no room for them to acknowledge that not everyone will do things their way.

The topic ‘Moms judging other moms/moms-to-be…’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors