(Closed) Moms judging other moms/moms-to-be…

posted 8 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 17
Member
279 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

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@mightywombat:  I read that article the other day and loved it.

Post # 19
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@mightywombat:  I love this article SO much. People get caught up in so many of the petty things about pregnancy/labor/infancy, and now that I have been through it I just want to say to them “Do you realize how short and precious this time is? Why are you ruining it for yourself by treating it like a calculus equation?”

Post # 20
Member
39 posts
Newbee

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@mightywombat:  I think every parent could appreciate that article.  I’m not a mother, but I think about what kind of mother I would want to be, and I’ll definitely come back to that article…

Post # 21
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5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@KatyElle:  So, I’m not a mother, so what I say should probably be taken with an enormous chunk of salt, but with that said…

I understand why everyone gets so caught up in it, even if I think it’s counterproductive. You want everything to be perfect for your child, life is so full of uncertainty and risk, and if the child grows up to be an axe murderer or a deadbeat, everyone looks to the parents (particularly the mother) to see what they/she did wrong. The stakes feel SO high, esp., I think, to new parents.

So everything that seems like it might give the tiniest advantage becomes a matter of life and death, and suddenly you end up with “IF YOU REALLY LOVE YOUR CHiLD YOU WILL WEAR A SLING, NOT A BJORN!”

Post # 22
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@mightywombat:  Yes, that’s part of it. But I think it’s also important to at least try and keep a balanced perspective. If I’m being totally honest, a lot of what bothers me isn’t so much self inflicted pressure, it’s swearing up and down that something is 100% the “right way” to do something if you haven’t been through it yourself. And I see a LOT of pregnant first timers do this. *Gasp* you’re not nursing? *Gasp* you’re not doing attachment parenting? *Gasp* you’re considering an epidural? Don’t you know that bla bla bla. I don’t know why this is but I see it all the time. Hello, you have zero clue how things are going to pan out once it’s you in the hot seat, where do you have a leg to stand on berating others for their choices? Personal pet peeve.

I blame Dr. Google.

Post # 24
Member
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@KatyElle:  Oh gosh, yes, I can only imagine how infuriating that must be.

Post # 25
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

it also depends on what books you are reading… I’m a child and family studies major and in my parenting education class we read lots of different parenting advice books/studied frequent outcomes/analyzed generational effects/yata yata and there are positives and negatives to everything so even “by the book” people can still dissagree.

Post # 26
Member
7582 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

I try to do everything I can to respect others and their opinions about what is best for them and their children. There are however times, where I do voice my opinion, even when it may not be asked for, because I think it’s important to see the other side.  I may be chosing to do everything by the book for now, but as a first time Mom of a newborn, I’m smart enough to know, some of the things I have chosen will go right out the window, once the little guy gets here.

I enjoy almost everyone in this community. I also like the fact that we can debate and discuss things openly, that’s what this forum is all about. I think at times the flaming side needs to step back and at others the poster needs to skip over and not respond to things they feel offended by (or better yet not get offended). 

Post # 27
Member
4801 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

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@KatyElle:  I agree with everything you’ve said!

 

And though I’m not a mom yet, I disagree with the posts saying that people shouldn’t have too many vent posts if they’re having a tough time with their pregnancy. Yes, there are people out there who wish they had those problems because they’re having trouble conceiving…but if that’s how you’re viewing it, you could say that no one should post about wedding problems either because there are girls on the waiting boards who would kill to have those problems but have been waiting forever for a proposal. 

Post # 28
Member
1479 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I don’t know about WB necessarily being a “support group”. It is definitely more sunshine and puppy dogs than other internet forums, but it is still the INTERNET. That means, if you are going to start a board asking for advice, don’t get your panties all in a twist if someone tells you what you don’t want to hear. Don’t ask for opinions about whether or not you should go get a test done if you’ve already decided that you’re not going to do it. You might as well end your post with “I AM ASKING TO HAVE MY FEELINGS HURT”. If all you want/need is validation for a somewhat controversial choice, perhaps this is not the place to find it. You cannot realistically expect to put something up on the internet in a message board forum and not expect that someone will offer up an opposing viewpoint. You have to have a thicker skin if you’re going to start a post about something that is deeply personal. Take all the opinions with a grain of salt, and for god’s sake, don’t take what everyone says to heart.

Whine and complain all you want. Start as many posts as you want about what you’re going through. Some people will give you the support you want, and others will tell you what they think and it might be not what you want to hear. And yes, sometimes people don’t phrase things the best and it can come across as hurtful. That is unfortunate. That is the nature of the beast that is the internet

 Ugh, and for god’s sake, people, stop with the “Please only reply to my posting if you agree that gay people should not get married/if you are a Christian who agrees that gay people should not get married/if your viewpoints are ONLY the EXACT SAME as mine.” It makes me want to stab my eyeballs out.

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@mwitter80:  Yes, this, exactly.

Post # 29
Member
9816 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Miss Root:  I definitely agree with not asking opinions on something that’s already been decided. Though it IS annoying when people start threads about something like asking for formula advice and 50 people say “Breastfeed, formula is poison!” Yes it’s the internet, but it’s still annoying. Ignoring those can save a lot of sanity.

Post # 30
Member
215 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

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@Miss Root:  Took the words right out of my mouth!  I think some people want to create the drama.  If your asking for opinions someone is bound to offend you!  Alot of people don’t really want opinions at all, just the ones that agree with them!  It doesn’t work that way.  When I posted a poll for baby names, there were some not so nice comments about the names I posted.  I could have been offended, but I asked for opinions!  That includes the good with the bad! 

Post # 31
Member
482 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

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@KatyElle:  

 

I really agree with what you are saying –

 

I’ts hard not to listen to people’s opinions when you’re very new at motherhood (well my first attempt is a month away) and im sh**ing bricks

–   However, choices Ive made throughout my pregnancy may not appeal to some hard core pregnant mums-to-be who omit everything from their lifestyle/diet, but I’m educated and bright enough to do my own research and my decisions at the end of the day are mine….

 

Funnily enough though I havent had many opinionated people with unsolicited advice but as you say- It’s only the beginning!

 

When was organising our wedding -one of the BEST pieces of advice I ever received was when you got “advice”- “You HAVE to do this”…

 

just nod, smile, say, “hey- thats a GREAT idea”, and If you didnt like it, immediately disregard it. Worked for everything 🙂

 

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