(Closed) Mom’s negative attitude – any advice?

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5095 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My only thought, if she’s not normally like this, is that she’s struggling with unexpected emotional fallout of her daughter getting married.  That doesn’t excuse it at ALL, but it might put it in perspective.

I actually just had a chat with my dad about this when I was visiting him for xmas.  He was saying that he’d had a lot of worry and anxiety ever since we set a date.  I asked him why, since my partner and I have been living together for FIVE YEARS, so it’s not like the marriage is signaling any kind of major change!  He acknowledged that it wasn’t rational, but that it symbolized him no longer being “the most important man in my life” (he hadn’t been for some time, but we’ll let that go…) and that this was very hard for him to accept.

To his credit, he hasn’t taken this out on me. But parents can be weird about weddings.

Post # 4
Member
654 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

My InLaws did this same thing to us. They even told us our wedding was going to be more of a picnic than a real wedding. Whatever that means… My only real advice is to try to let it go in one ear and out the other. Or resort to telling her “if you don’t have anything nice to say shut up!”

Post # 5
Member
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hi there,

Is your mom usually like this? If not, she probably is having a hard time dealing with you getting married, maybe she doesn’t even realise herself how she’s behaving. She might be suffering from wedding stress herself, some parents see the wedding as the final send off for their kids and it can be a very emotional time.

If you have the kind of relationship where you can be honest with her I’d bring it up, and I’d say that this is a huge project for you and you could really use her support during this stressful time. Ask her to help point out solutions rather than problems.

If that’s not an option I’d try and ignore her, you don’t have long left before the big day.

Post # 7
Member
77 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

My mom is the same way! She dislikes everything and I mean everything that I have done this far for the wedding. She has told me every time she has disliked something too. I am really trying here. I think the only thing she agreed on is my dress, which she loves, mostly because she helped pick it out. My mom is disappointed with the ceremony, and I really believe is a control thing. She has taken over the shower, and is driving my bridesmaids nuts!

I had to put it all into perspective. Fiance was a big help with this! Finally had to just tell mom that WE are doing our wedding our way….and that was that. She doesn’t like it, but hopefully she will start to respect it. Fiance and I will be a family soon and can’t consult everyone on our choices all the time. We need our independence, and this wedding is just the right event to get the ball rolling!

Good luck!

Post # 8
Member
690 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

@rachiecakes: Sounds like your mom may be a bit on the traditional side while you are a bit more open-minded. Some people just have this set-in-stone attitude about what weddings should be and they can’t seem to see beyond that. You can counter her negativity by being relentlessly positive and upbeat about things. I’m sure she will come around and enjoy your day and come to appreciate the way your wedding reflects who you are.

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