(Closed) mom's negativity–advice please

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

So she has changed some of her opinions and/or perspectives. I fail to see what the big deal is from what you have written. So she rolls her eyes, I do that all the time. At least she isn’t getting in your way!

Post # 4
349 posts
Helper bee

Sorry that the previous poster was so insensitive to how you’re feeling – I have a mom like this and completely understand how she’s making you feel.  Even in my 50’s, I still fight the feeling that I’m a disappointment to my mother, and she constantly reinforces that idea with her thinly veiled disapproval of so many of my choices.  I was a straight A student and valedictorian.  I have completely supported my daughter for over 20 years, usually working two or three jobs to do so.  I am an active church membe and community volunteer, and have held a very stable and rewarding job for almost 15 years.  My daughter is equally accomplished and responsible, and I know deep down that I have a lot to be proud of, but my mother’s constant disapproval ruins that for me so often.  Please learn to look for reinforcement from others in your family or workplace, and use their encouragement to build your own self-esteem.  If you have the opportunity, you might also try to have a conversation with your mother, something like “When you say/do (whatever is hurting you), it makes me feel (however you’re feeling.)  You’re my mom and what you think is important to me, but I wish you were more on board with the choices I’m making.” Or something along those lines that doesn’t accuse her of her bad behavior, just lets her know how it impacts you.  Just remember when you have your own kids that you CAN break the mold and become your child’s greatest encourager – just imagine what your mom would say or do in a situation and do the opposite!  Hope that helps a little – big hug from Texas!

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