Moms: Reasons for having kids earlier or later?

posted 3 years ago in Parenting
Post # 2
Member
2631 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Darling Husband and I got married a couple months ago.  I am 26 and he is 29.  We plan on waiting 2-3 years because we want to buy a house and do a little more traveling just the two of us first.

Post # 3
Member
1246 posts
Bumble bee

We plan on TTC after our wedding at which point we will be 31. I probably would have had kids in my 20s, had the opportunity been there back then, but now I am so so glad I didn’t. I got to do and accomplish so much that wouldn’t have been possible with kids. I got to an awesome place with my career, I saved a ton of money, travelled … yeah, life is now better because I didn’t have them in my 20s. 

Post # 4
Member
5826 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2011

I had my first at 31. I was on the fence about kids for a loooong time so that was the biggest contributing factor. We married when I was 26 and we wanted to enjoy a couple years together. We also bought a house and I finished my MBA before trying.

Post # 5
Member
7854 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

gwenchilada :  I’ll be 32 when I have my first which was not my ideal plan – life just worked out that way. I met my husband at age 24 but we didn’t get married until I was 29 and he was 30 and then it has taken us the 2 years since the wedding to get pregnant. If I had gotten my way would would have been married 2 years earlier than we were and started right away too. We both want 2-4 kids so now we’re going to have to crank them out one right after the other! 

Post # 6
Member
486 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I just had my first baby and I’m 27.

My reasoning was less about age and more about milestones.  I wanted to own a house.  I wanted to be in a good place in my career where I was in a job I felt was secure and that I found fullfilling.  I wanted the same career-wise for my Darling Husband.  I wanted to make sure that we could afford the additional expenses of a child.  Many of these things happend quicker for us than we initially anticipated and so we had our baby sooner than I originally imagined we would (I assumed I’d be 29-30). 

Anyway- I don’t know that age is all that important as long as you’re ready and able to care for a child.  

Post # 7
Member
1018 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

We have been together nearly 10yrs and met when we were 24/25. Age 25-30 we focused on our careers but also enjoyed our lives, spent time travelling and being carefree. At age 30 we were happy to finally become more settled but I decided to go to med school so we put everything on hold until I was finshed. We are getting married and will TTC next year age 35/36. Perhaps not ideal, but that’s how life worked out for us. If I didn’t change my career we would have started our family earlier.

Post # 8
Member
2942 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Darling Husband and I started NTNP as soon as we got married when I was 27, and started really trying this past year.  I will be 30, and honestly had always thought that I would be.  If our timeline works out, Darling Husband will be 55 when second LO is 18.  I feel like as long as we keep our health a priority, we can enjoy both parenthood and empty nesting.  But honestly, if We had hit the baby lottery at 27, I wouldn’t be disappointed. 

I think people who have them young (less than 23) fall into the “oops” or “my priority is to be a mom, not have a career” categories.  Not bad, just where those people are.  A lot of people who I know waited until they were 30+ didn’t meet their partner until they were mid 20s after working out career, travel or financial priorities.

Post # 9
Member
900 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Sooo My first child at age 23 was unplanned, and at a time where Darling Husband and I were nowhere near the point of planning to starting a family so I can’t answer your question precisely.  But, in hindsight I can see some of the pros.  For one, I think it’s probably physically easier on your body to both get and be pregnant at 23 vs mid thirties.  Secondly, I like that we will be done having kids by thirty and will ideally get to enjoy our late 40’s and 50’s doing the things that we missed out on during our 20’s.  I like that we will be youngish grandparents; young enough to travel and stay active in our grandchildren’s lives.  And lastly I like that we were able to take our time having additional children and grow our family.  

Post # 10
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee

We waited awhile. Our first one will come earlier next year.

We wanted to be more established. We wanted to be stable. We wanted to be be able to not struggle. We already owned a home and save a lot. It is nice to know that if we want or need something that we can easily afford it. We can afford to be picky with our items. Darling Husband is obsessed with organic cotton from safe countries. We can afford it.

His family hounded us for years about kids and we always got updates on his high school friends lives with babies and outsiders don’t see it like we do. They ignore the fact that his old buddies wife posted on FB that they couldn’t find affordable child care, so she had to quit her job. They ignore young, less established, parents needing to jump from one low paying job to another. Babies aren’t solutions to problems.

Post # 11
Member
9174 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2013

i met who would be my Darling Husband at 29, we got married at 32.  we started trying right away, but we were unsuccessful.  i had my first a few months before i turned 35 thanks to IVF.

so i waited until i was married to have children.  i wish it didn’t take as long as it did.

Post # 12
Member
2168 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I was 25 when my first was born and my husband and I were a couple months shy of our 3 year wedding anniversary, together for almost 7 years at that point. I felt like we had done enough, just the two of us, when we decided to have a baby. I had major baby fever, so did he, and we were ready to come home to little ones and are completely content being homebodies. I also like that I will be relatively young when she turns 18 (I’ll be 43). We own a home and a don’t see ourselves moving anytime soon or needing to, even if we have another baby so it just felt right for us right now. I currently work but when we decide to have a second, will stop working and I never imagined I’d be or want to be a Stay-At-Home Mom, but I love being a mom. It’s scary until you become pregnant and even once you are it’s like an “Oh shit” moment, but having a baby has been so rewarding. I would just make sure you’re happy with what you’ve accomplished kid-less before deciding to have babies. 

Post # 13
Member
4232 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I am 28 years old and 26 weeks pregnant with baby #1. Darling Husband and I met when we were 22 and 24 respectively, and started dating shortly after his 25th birthday. It was always very important to us to wait until marriage to have kids. If a ‘surprise baby’ came along we would have kept it, but the plan was to wait. We got married when we were 27 and 29 (a month after my 27th bday). While we originally planned to wait a year after marriage to begin TTC, our excitement got the best of us after we purchased our first condo three months after we got married. It took seven months, and now we are pregnant!

I wouldn’t have it any other way! Our overall plan is to have three kids, and we want them close together…so in a perfect world I will have baby #2 at about age 30 and baby #3 at about age 32.

Post # 14
Member
6146 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

I was busy traveling and completing graduate school and seeing myself as a wild woman in my 20s. I had no business taking care of another person. I was deeply committed to doing whatever I wanted to do whenever I wanted to do it. I spent some time thinking I might not even have kids- the concept was so far off. I was also doing a lot of personal growth and healing things- I think it’s really valuable to kids when they have parents who have done some personal work to be self aware and know themselves.

I had my first at 30 and we’re planning the second now and I’m having a hard time coming around to the idea of having my life constricted like that again. I really like easy living and freedom of time and energy. Our circumstances are very different this time but I still find myself concerned about that transition.

Post # 15
Hostess
3831 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

gwenchilada :  DH and I got married recently, but have been together for nearly a decade.  We are both 27 (soon to be 28), but don’t want to have kids until we’re at least 30.  I’m an attorney, so I’ve only been out of school and in my field for two years, and quite honestly, I just don’t feel ready at all.  Darling Husband would be happy to have kids now if we had an “oops”, but we’re also not really in the financial place for children.  In an ideal world, I’d like to be promoted a bit so I have a better salary, purchase a townhouse, and have most of DH’s grad school debt paid off, but I think if we waited for the latter two, we’d be having kids 20 years from now! 

None of my friends have children either, so I think that helps with the lack of baby fever.  We are the first of our grad school friends to get married and our married college friends are waiting until 30ish as well.  Darling Husband and I tend to work a lot and enjoy being social, so just having us and our dog feels pretty perfect right now.

On the flip side, my Mom had both my sister and I by the time she was my age and she was very happy to have children young.  It definitely depends on the couple and what you both want.

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