(Closed) Mom’s unhappy

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

Awe that sucks – I am sorry you are dealing with this!

I would mention something in passing without dealing with it directly!

For example: I love that Fiance is so involved in the planning – I really like that he wants to be involved as a lot of groom’s are not involved at all and I really feel like our wedding will represent US as a couple because we are doing it all together!

That way you can try and nip it in the butt (hopefully) without confrontation!

Post # 4
Member
732 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I’m amazed that your mom would think you WOULDN’T want to check with your finace about wedding related decisions. It’s so frustrating when people put their 2 cents in all the time. Advice is good, but when they think you’re makig bad decisions and try to get you to do things their way, it’s wrong.

I def think you should confront her about it. Even when things are out in the open, it makes it better. Maybe you can ask her to come to you with her concerns, and politely say this is about you and Fiance, not anyone esle. It’s perfectly fine to say “it’s my day (shut up!)”

Post # 5
Member
950 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

I ditto Future Mrs. Martin‘s comment…mention in passing that you love that he’s so openly communicative & how well that bodes for your marriage!

Post # 6
Member
2681 posts
Sugar bee

Im sorry!  Maybe your mom is talking to your sister because she wants to express what she is feeling but feels like if she talks to you she might hurt your feelings?  Since she said she wishes you wouldve picked the other venue, maybe she just wants what she thinks is best for you and wants you to have your perfect wedding?  Id talk to her about it and let her know hwo you are feeling.

Post # 7
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

sorry you’re going through that – if you are going to confront your mom, definitely think about how much you are willing to budge when she does tell you her opinions. My mom just tells me straight out when she doesn’t like something about our planning…which is often. She loved the venue, fortunately, but was not happy with decisions like no champagne toast, no veil etc. Sometimes I’d rather she not tell me about it! 

 

Post # 8
Member
2641 posts
Sugar bee

I’m not sure if I’m missing something.  You didn’t give a ton of detail as to how exactly your mom expressed this to your sister.  I might be the only one who thinks this, but from what you’ve posted, I think you might be overreacting.  First, this is your mom talking to your sister.  (It’s not a random friend talking to one of your BMs.)  If your mom didn’t like the venue, it seems kind of natural she felt like she could confide in your sister. 

Also, perhaps this was her way of trying to stay out of it.  Based on what you said, it sounds like you wanted her to talk to you directly.  Yet you said because she’s not putting money into it, she shouldn’t have a say in your decision.  So maybe she sensed that from you and didn’t tell you.  So many brides complain when people tell them they don’t like their plans.  This time it’s because she didn’t.  IDK.  I think she was trying to vent a little.  And this was her way of trying not to give you a hard time.

Now I don’t understand why she thought you should be making decisions without your Fiance.  You could ask her if you misunderstood or if there is something else she’s really feeling that she isn’t saying.  But honestly, I think if this is a big deal, I’d recommend your sister, go back and tell your mom, that if she really wants to say something to you, that she should talk to you.  And wait to see if she does.

Post # 10
Member
235 posts
Helper bee

I have the EXACT same thing!  My Fiance is very involved – but we’re like that is all aspects of our life!  My mother doesn’t understand because she believes certain things are the “woman’s” domain – all things domestic, all things wedding (how DARE he not like my original color scheme?!” all things related to family interactions/planning.  It’s caused a few fights with my mother over the past 2 years or so, because she still is not catching the drift that he’s a grown man (34 – with a 10-year-old child!) and that I’m older than she was when she was pregnant with me!

No advice…just venting along with you 🙂

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