(Closed) Momster

posted 4 years ago in Family
Post # 2
292 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

don’t let her pay for it?

Post # 3
1593 posts
Bumble bee

If she’s paying for the rehearsal dinner, then she can dictate who’s there. If your fiance’s family is paying, they dictate, and it might not include all of her extended family. The rehearsal dinner comes after the rehearsal. Not everyone invited to the rehearsal dinner is at the actual rehearsal.

Post # 4
7901 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

As the Bees say, no pay, no say. If she’s paying for a large part of the wedding you are going to have to deal with a large number of her opinions.

The rehearsal dinner is a whole different story and she needs to back off on that. 

Post # 5
876 posts
Busy bee

If she wants it, she can pay for it…that’s what I had to tell my mother. If she wants to invite your extended family, she can pay for their plates, their seats (perhaps contribute to a bigger venue to ensure space for their seats), their lodging, and their rehearsal dinner food. Headcount has a HUGE impact on your budget, so if she wants to add to the headcount then she should add to your budget.

I’d have no qualms with inviting more guests or having more food or floral arrangements, if someone else was willing to foot the bill for all of it. 

Post # 6
1338 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

It is not uncommon for out of town guests to be invited to the rehearsal DINNER (not the actual rehearsal), so I get her point. But regardless, it depends on whether she is paying for that or your in-laws are. If they are paying then you need to tell your mom she doesn’t really have a say in inviting extended fam. If she is paying then you just need to let them come. If you accept monetary help from family regarding wedding things then be prepared to let them make some decisions or have some say. You want it exactly your way then you should pay for everything.

Post # 7
36 posts

No is a complete sentence. Mom, I appreciate your input and your help it is my wedding, quite frankly we cannot afford to have 50 people at our rehearsal dinner. It is wedding party only and tell her that is the norm. It actually is, so she’s actually a little out of touch here also just tell her you are doing pizza and beer. (totally acceptable.) My mother is SO out of touch with how much weddings cost, she cannot believe that 20k for my wedding is lower than the national average. We’ve paid for most of it ourselves but she is giving us a gift to help but I told her I couldn’t swing the 8 EXTRA people she wanted to invite. She said ok and she understood. If she says this, and that, just say NO. I am not going to tell you things, if you poke holes in everything I want. NO. NO. NO. This is how I want it. Pass the salt. 

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