(Closed) Momzilla?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m sorry about this. I set down ground rules with my mom from the start (since my parents are paying for the wedding). I said that if Fiance and I ever feel like the planning is being taken out of our hands, there will be no wedding and we will elope. I remind my mom of this everytime I feel like she is getting out of control and she usually backs down.

Post # 5
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@redheadem: I wish that would work with my mom, but with 5 daughters, she prefers that we all elope.  I need some kind of upper-hand with her.

Post # 6
Member
3624 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@JRL2012: It usually goes like this:

Mom: “We have to invite all these people.”

Me: “We don’t want to invite them.”

Mom: “Well we are going to invite them.”

Me: “Ok, this is getting out of control. Would you prefer us to call off the wedding or not invite them?”

She knows we’d do it too!

Post # 8
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I almost posted this same thread yesterday. I sent her a back off email, we’ll see how it goes.

 

good luck to others dealing with this.

Post # 9
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@JRL2012: I totally think that the idea to say you will elope if she doesn’t back off is a great plan IF you would actually do it. Your mom knows you (which is why she’s been able to get under your skin so bad in the first place) and will know if it’s an empty threat. If you would do it (and I got the point where we absolutely would have just to get the heck away from her) then it’s really worth a try. 

Moms can be so tough sometimes, and it really sucks when they try to do the emotional badgering and manipulation!

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh, I can relate. I wish I couldn’t, but my mom took over my entire wedding. I honestly didn’t care if I got married in a burlap sack to my now husband, but my mom made my wedding planning pure hell. She wanted so much stuff and I just wanted a simple wedding. It ended up being a 400 person extravagant affair. My parents paid for about half of it. They paid for all of the food at the reception and that’s it. We paid for everything else. But the growing number of guests made everything else go up in price as well. 

I don’t have much advice in dealing with it. I just let her do what she wanted and went along with most of it with a vow that I would never do anything like it to my children. If you ever need to vent or just get something off of your chest, please don’t hesitate to PM me. 

Post # 13
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

My Mom asked me at a Bridal show on Sunday why I was being so cheap when I said I didn’t want or need a limo(getting married at same place as ceremony!). Fiance and I are paying for everything, are trying to sell and buy a house this year, somehow hold onto mine as a rental and both current houses need new roofs before anything can be done. I just snapped that I wanted the money to go into a good time for my guests, not be in a car I would never ride in unless it was free anyway. Keeping in mind we have a friend with a vintage car who is happy to loan it for me to get to the venue. WTF would I pay for a limo and how does that make me cheap?

 

She has offered to pay for my dress which I will now be declining as I spent Sunday listening to how she really thinks the style I’ve expressed interest in the most just wont work for me and she has a list of styles she would prefer for me. She has yet to actually see me try anything on. By The Way I’m 37 and have been dressing myself for a good long time now.

I posted jokingly last week that she had supposedly jokingly asked me to look at her dragon boat schedule for this year before picking a date. On Friday I got a lovely passive aggresive email saying how she wouldn’t be able to paddle in this one festival the day AFTER my wedding (everything is local!) – and that when this happened with another lady on the team her daughter changed the date. So she didn’t actually ask…but there were a bunch of sad faces in there. I have picked this date because almost my entire family will be already visiting from IRELAND that week (but they are my Dad’s side, so who cares right?!).

 

 

Sorry to hijack…I just got mad thinking about it again lol!

 

Post # 15
Member
38 posts
Newbee

@redheadem:  Lucky.  For me, it’s the opposite.  My mom told me that she doesn’t think I should invite anyone who is not a family member.  I told her that I have a few close friends who I wouldn’t want to get married without, and she got upset and said that because she’s paying for it, it should be her choice.  

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