(Closed) Momzilla

posted 3 years ago in Family
  • poll: Is it OK to hang up on someone?

    YES to avoid a toxic conversation

    NO it's completely disrespectful

  • Post # 16
    Member
    7902 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    Just elope. As long as she is paying you are stuck with her input.

    Post # 18
    Member
    395 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2019

    First of all, to answer your question, I have only hung up on people a few times, and in most cases it was because I was so frustrated or angry that I was afraid I would say something I might regret later, so in order to avoid that, I just hung up. (So even though it looks disrespectful, I was actually being respectful to the other person.) The other times it was because I became upset and didn’t want to give the other person the satisfaction of hearing me cry or get upset. I get that generally it’s considered rude, but sometimes there are situations that call for it. 

    As for your mom though… jeez, I thought I had a bit of a momzilla, but sorry to say, you win! What has helped with my own situation is delegating some tasks to my mom, as pp suggested. For instance, my mom found some musicians for the ceremony, so I asked her to try to set up a meeting for us. I also asked her to look for junior bridesmaid dresses. She wants to feel involved, and that way she has some things to work on and a reason to keep in contact with me. (However, it helps that I trust my mom’s taste, lol.) Do you think that would help in your situation? 

    Post # 19
    Member
    7806 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper

    I really only see a few choices here. 

    You either let her run it her way (and dont sign a single contract – if she is paying, she better put her name on it), but you will not 0 say, and apparently your FIs family wont even be invited.

    Or you give her back her money and either throw a small wedding that you can afford the way you want, or elope. 

    ” But… it IS his wedding. It’s OUR wedding – his and mine.”

    Your post seems very focused on you, which makes sense because its your mother. But think about how damaging and hurtful this must be for your Fiance. You are supposed to be a team, but your mom is putting down his family, saying horrible things about them. That’s not fair to him. Please make sure that you stick up for him when your mom says that kind of shit. 

    Post # 23
    Member
    30388 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I was shocked to read that you are 35 years old. I expected to read that you were just out of college.

    I know there are cultural expectations to deal with,but the two of you are long past the age of setting boundaries with your parents. Cancel all plans made to date, plan the intimate wedding you want and fund it yourself.

    Post # 25
    Member
    5059 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2017

    View original reply
    drbee12 :  

    Sorry I misread, I don’t think my advice will be particularly helpful ๐Ÿ˜‚ I do agree with the other bees suggesting that you don’t have your mom pay.

    Post # 28
    Member
    972 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2020

    View original reply
    drbee12 :  Ahhh, I understand. Well, could you perhaps look into throwing a much smaller, more intimate wedding that would be within you and your fiance’s budget? Perhaps a quick ceremony at a local park followed by dinner at your favorite restaurant? Weddings certainly don’t have to be expensive! You could still even save up in the future for a kick-ass anniversary celebration with everyone once you have your degree and an awesome job!

    I just would hate to see you look back on your engagement and wedding in a negative way. What good is a big party if you don’t enjoy it?

    Even just looking at alternatives may help you feel more in control. Sometimes knowing we have a back-up plan is all we need.

    Post # 29
    Member
    162 posts
    Blushing bee

    You lost me at “these adopted kids” as if adopted children don’t possibly deserve to be considered as a part of a family.  After that, I would be like “cool mom, you plan and pay for the wedding you want.  Me and FL will be getting married by ourselves on the beach, maybe with the adopted kids in attendance”

    Post # 30
    Member
    318 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2018- Stan Hywet Gardens

    I would come up with a budget and have a smaller wedding. This sounds miserable. 

    The topic ‘Momzilla’ is closed to new replies.

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