(Closed) MOMZILLA!

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 1
Member
318 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Beeeees. Help. My mom was down this weekend hanging out with Fiance and I. She’s seriously turning into a Momzilla… with a year left in planning!

“So like people keep asking me if I’m planning your wedding and I’m like no it’s not my wedding I’m already married, am I supposed to plan your wedding, what’s the etiquette because if I’m supposed to plan it then I’m going to plan it.”

I told her no, but if you pay, you have a say and since you’re not forking over a dime, you don’t have any leg to stand on in insisting something happens a certain way. However, I do look to her for advice…

“So don’t get mad at me but my friend and I went to David’s Bridal before you and I did to look at that dress you wanted to try on. She tried it on, not me, and it looked really good on her, that’s why I told you I thought it would look good on you.”

I just didn’t even have a response. I pretended to be REALLY interested in the football game after she said that. My mom basically admitted that she was too impatient to wait to see wedding dresses or me in wedding dresses that she and her friend went TO TRY ON WEDDING DRESSSES. They’re both in their 50s. I’m really heartbroken over this because I feel like that special moment of seeing me in a wedding dress was tarnished and all her surprise and awe was probably really fake.

The whole day was wedding talk and I kept saying “Mom, I just don’t know yet. It’s a year away I don’t know. You’re stressing me out about all this. Mom, it’s a year away!” I don’t like getting hateful about stuff but my tone was really sharp at times. WE ARE A YEAR OUT THERE IS NOT MUCH WE CAN DO AT THIS POINT. I told her the truth, I’m afraid to buy things because if I change my mind, I’m stuck with stuff I’m not going to use.

Fiance and I want a small wedding (40-50 people) and it’s been decided that it’ll be in his hometown. We’ve found the church and venue and were told to come back in 6 months to book it, that no one books stuff a year out. (It’s a very small town.)

My mom has said repeatedly that she’s okay with that but the more she talks the more it sounds like she isn’t.

I just don’t know how to handle this. I tried telling her that I was going to order a checklist planning book and revise the timelines to fit Fiance and I’s wedding dream. So what does she do? Opens up my laptop and pulls up amazon. I nearly yelled at her. She goes “Well I can order one for me can’t I?” Um, no.

UGH! I mean, my mom and I are pretty close but I really want her to back off. I don’t want every. single. conversation. to be about the wedding. for. the. next. 12. months. Telling her to her face, to back off, to calm down, to stop talking about the wedding, to find a different subject has not worked. What the heck am I supposed to do?

Post # 3
Member
1129 posts
Bumble bee

I’m sorry you’re frustrated.  I can see why it would be irritating for you – and the whole wedding dresses thing is so weird it’s laughable.  Trust me, if you don’t now, someday you will see the massive humor in that!  ðŸ™‚

You mentioned that telling her face to face to back off hasn’t worked.  I’m curious – based on the examples you gave, it seems that you tell her to calm down when she goes off on a tangent, but have you actually sat her down or called to say you wanted to talk about this?  I think the issue may be that you react to her as opposed to being proactive about having a discussion about it (when she isn’t mid-Momzilla)

I had sort of an opposite issue – I’m just about to get married in two weeks and got engaged last Christmas.  I wanted to have my mom be a part of things, but she really didn’t step up until 3 months ago.  I actually had to call her and say “Mom, this is REALLY important to me and it’s breaking my heart that you don’t seem to care.” After hearing me say that, she stepped up to the plate – but it had to be a full on, proactive call where I called specifically to tell her I needed to say something.  All the reactive comments here and there never registered with her.

Post # 4
Member
484 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Wow I want to live in your town…. We went a year out and they told us these dates were booked a  year before! I cant believe she went and tried on wedding dresses without you… I would hope her reaction isnt fake, but I could see where youd be worried.  but it is the first time shell see you in the wedding dress and it is completely different…. As for every conversation, right now shes just excited I think.   but pretty much, thats how its going to be. It is what it is … theres so many details and it sounds like just because shes not paying she doesnt want to miss anything :- just talk to her, have a serious heart to heart about your plans, and her thoughts and feelings and tell her that you dont want it to consume your life and you dont want EVERY convo to be wedding stuff… Itll be ok

Post # 5
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

You’ll be surprised at how fast that year will go by so you really aren’t doing anything ‘too early’. Weddings are a big thing for everyone, and she sounds just excited about it to me. There are a million details involved in planning and maybe she’s just trying to help you out by mentioning some things you haven’t even thought about yet. I’d try to not be so sensitive about it or she’ll back off completely and you may regret it.

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