Post # 1
Hi there hive!
I’m not really one to follow the pack, and a saturday ceremony just screams cliche to me (no offense to those who have it, of course!!). For various reasons, I’d just rather have the ceremony mid-week. Unfortunately, I’m worried that some of our guests will either: take offense to having to take off too many days of work, or not come at all. Granted, we’re probably going to invite about 120, hoping that under 70 will come. Space isn’t a problem, we’re getting married at the Westwind YWCA in Oregon: http://www.westwind.org . It’s so beautiful!!! Originally, my fiance and I had hoped to have an autumnal equinox wedding (we’re both dorky outdoorsy astrophysicists). The equinox changes by a couple of days each year – it varies between sept 20 and 23. In 2009 it falls on Sept 22, a Tuesday. Tuesday seems a bit much to ask from our guests (at least 3 days off work!). Did I mention this is a camp? That’s rather inclusive? You have to take a ferry to get there that’s dependent on the tides. So we hope to "lock people in" for the fun! 🙂 What’s a wedding without lots of together bonding time? Anyways, since Tuesday is a bit much, I figured the 21 would work fine – the equinox lands on the 21 of sept more years that not, anyways. The plan so far is to rent the camp the nights of sept 19, 20, 21 – sat, sun, monday nights (we have to pay for all the lodging UP FRONT). People can arrive leisurely on saturday, hang out on sunday (with the rehearsal that night), and then the wedding on monday, leave tuesday. My fiance is worried that even this will be too much to ask from our guests. He thinks it might be better to rent it for fri, sat, and sun nights, having the ceremony on sunday. The way I figure it though, one of two crappy things could happen in this case: They’ll still have to take at least 2 days off work (friday and monday as opposed to monday and tuesday), or they may not come friday night, in which case we’re stiffed for the lodging bill for friday!
So, hive, is asking our guests to take 2 days off of work for a fun wedding weekend to much to ask? Is a monday ceremony OK??
Post # 3
I think a lot of people will be unable to come because it will require two days off of work. Although I understand the party mentality, I think you’ll be disappointed by how many people you care about who just won’t be able to swing the trip for practical reasons.
What about a Monday that’s a holiday, like Labor Day or Memorial Day?
Post # 4
So you want people to go to a wedding on Monday when they’re already going to be there for the weekend anyway? As a guest I would at first be confused and then a little annoyed. If you have the wedding on Monday you may have a lot of people leaving early to avoid missing two days of work, and if you had the wedding on Sunday you may have a lot of people leaving early to avoid missing one day of work. If the ferry depends on the tide, you may have people missing out on the wedding altogether….
There’s a good reason weddings are usually on Saturday….
Hope this doesn’t burst your bubble. It just doesn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense on the face of it.
Post # 5
I actually went to a Monday wedding this year. I think this all depends on your guests and this location. I was a part of a large group of people who left the reception early to drive back to make it to work the next morning. The groom and many of his guests were musicians and so tended to have less office-related jobs. It was a bit easier to take that day off for some guests. Take a look at your guest list and ask as many people as possible that you think would be affected f they could make it. Also are many people coming from far away? How easy would it be for someone to leave Monday evening if they wanted to?
I think it can work, and as many have said before, the people who want to be there will make a way to be there.
Post # 6
Hi there! I must admit, I agree with bluegreenjean. I think that it is a LOT to ask your guests to commit to a three-day celebration in the first place, let alone one that demands them taking time off of work. Personally, I am in an entry-level position and have very few vacation days as it is. This year my fiance’s cousin had a Monday night wedding (for different reasons… mostly because they couldn’t afford the venue they wanted on a weekend). It was only three hours out of town, but I had to take off Monday afternoon and all day Tuesday to make it there, go to the wedding and the day after brunch, and back. Having to use 1.5 of my precious vacation days really rubbed me the wrong way. Of course i didn’t HAVE to go, but I really wanted to be there and it meant a lot to me, my fiance, and the couple. Had we been in the wedding party it would have also meant taking the whole weekend away. Obviously your friends and family will WANT to be there… but I think that couples owe it to their guests to make it "doable" for them, as well.And as much as I’d like to think that those who want to be there will be there, I don’t think it’s the case. Unfortunately, in our overworked and high-stress modern societythere are just a lot of external pressures preventing people to be able to go to a 3-day party, even though it would be totally amazing!!
Of course, this is just my humble opinion!It will obviously have a lot to do with your personal situation, and your friends’ and families’ opinions on the issue. Either way, I hope you have a wonderful, happy wedding!
Post # 7
Hmmm, sticky situation. If, I were you, this is what I would do. It sounds like the date and the equinox is really special to both you and your fiance. Most likely, your guests will not have as much of a fond attatchment to it, so the specific day won’t matter as much to them. I can relate to many people who would have trouble taking so many days off. If you really don’t want to have a Saturday wedding, I would have it on Sunday morning/afternoon. That way, out of town guests have all day Saturday to arrive, and can leave Sunday evening without having to worry about leaving the wedding early.
I know what you mean by the fun weekend and the trouble of having to pay upfront. If possible, I would plan on booking you and your fiance for sure to stay Friday through Monday like you wanted. Then, I would talk to your closest family and friends that you would like to stay early and late with you (wedding party, etc.) and see if you can’t get a list of people who would be able to take off. That way you have a better idea of who can stay and you can reserve more rooms for those nights.
I hope that helps.
But, what you really have to ask yourself is what is most important to you? That most of the people you invite can make it? Or that you have an intimate wedding weekend with possibly less people? If I have learned anything after planning my own wedding, it’s that it is all about knowing what your priorities are and deciding accordingly! 🙂
Post # 8
sorry to be a debbie downer, but i think 2 days off is way too much to ask of anyone. vacation days = money, and given that Out of Town guests spend enough on airfare, lodging, rentals, gifts, etc., i think it’s a bit much to ask that they sacrifice two vacation days. for my job, i only have 10 days off a year, so for 20% of those days to be taken up by one couple’s wedding is a lot. while weddings are important, so are holidays, vacations, other people’s weddings, etc.! i would really take your FI’s advice on this one. i don’t know your guests but obviously he does and feels that a monday wedding would be an issue for them.
is it possible to find another equinox in the 2009-2010 timeframe that might happen to fall on a weekend? sorry i’m not an astrophycist, so i’m not too familiar. 😛
Post # 9
Just to comment on the Saturday-wedding-cliche thing…
I actually wanted our wedding to be on a Friday, since it’s cheaper, and although most of our employed guests would have to take the day off, at least they’ll have the weekend to look forward to and some may even just have to take half the Friday off. HOWEVER, the church only allows weddings on Saturdays at 11am and 2pm. And we decided we want an evening reception. Hence, Saturday wedding.
So it may be a cliche, but sometimes we just don’t have a choice especially since I’m Catholic and it’s important for me to be married in the church.
Post # 10
DO you have to rent the place for 3 nights? Just thinking if you could save money on it and just do two, I might have missed that part. Anyway, people who can come will come, but with a situation like yours, I would be prepared for people not to attend. It is a lot to ask people, and with friends like mine, they would complain about it because they might not be able to attend even though they really want to. I know it is your wedding and you should plan it as you please, just beware of the cost of renting it out and not having those spaces filled with guests. That would be my big concern.
Post # 11
I am having a Monday cermony and reception. We have a guest list that includes 70% Out of Town guests and i can say that of the 150 people that have been invited 1/2 have already made hotel arrangements for my July wedding. My wedding isnt on a holiday weekend and getting people to come has not been a problem at all. People will come and you have to remember that a monday wedding allows people to come in on Saturday (think cheaper flights than a thursday or friday) and leave Tuesday (also cheaper than leaving SUnday or Monday). Also many people on my guest list are making it a vacation (renting vacation homes and staying the entire week). Not to mention saving your guest mucho money you will be able to save youeself a lot of money as well. I think people love going to weddings no matter what the day and what a better excuse to take a day off work than a wedding.
Post # 12
Since nobody has mentioned this yet, I think I’ll add that you’re not only talking about people taking time off work, but also pulling their kids out of school. While Darling Husband and I certainly might take two days off for the wedding of a very close friend or family member, we would be really unlikely to promote the idea of two days of missed school for the kids. And while it’s one thing to get someone to stay with younger kids over the weekend, it’s another to ask family or friends who have jobs themselves to care for you kids on a day when they would have to get them off to school as well as getting themselves off to work.
I think that the longer you make the event, regardless of where you hold it, the more like a destination wedding it gets. And while that’s great, you do have to understand that a fair number of people just won’t be able to justify the time. As long as you’re not going to get upset if people either can’t come or just don’t care to be part of the multi-day festivities, and therefore come only for the wedding itself, I would go right ahead. There will always be people who think like BetaBride – whether because they have a ton of vacation, or a job where it’s easy to get time off, or nothing much to do with their vacation time – and they’ll be happy. And there will be people like Darling Husband and I, who pretty much have all our vacation time committed already for the next year, and would have to think seriously about giving up something already planned in order to be there. It’s nothing personal, but unless you’re one of our best friends, or family, we’d probably vote against changing our plans and just send you a really nice present.
Post # 13
It’d be one thing if the place was easily accessible, but if you have to take a ferry that depends on the tides, no guests will have the chance to leave early if they need to. I’d make that very clear to them.