(Closed) Monday was my birthday, and…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
4284 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@sleepingbeauty88:  I am sorry you are bummed out. Do you think he is saving for a RING?

Post # 4
Member
3420 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

*hugs* damn. I thought i had it bad at 5.

DO something crazy. cut your hair. make him take you shopping for something outragous.

 

Post # 6
Member
9642 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@sleepingbeauty88:   Honestly, what you’ve described – going out, getting flowers and a card, etc., for these occasions would be fine with me.

Sometimes it’s better to look at what you do have rather than nitpicking about what you don’t have.  You can choose to be happy with what he gives you and does for you or you can choose to be a bottomless pit and always want more than he knows how to give.

I’m not much of a gift giver myself and neither is my Fiance.  So we’ve made an agreement with each other to always shop together, go out to celebrate, whatever we feel at the time.  So for us the pressure is off.  He said I’m every man’s dream when it comes to things like that, lol.

I understand everyone has different needs and some people feel the NEED to receive gifts.  You need to communicate to him clearly that this is a need of yours.  Guys like him do not pick up on subtle hints.  It has nothing to do with whether he loves you or not – he does love you.  But your expectations and his ability to fulfill them are out of whack.

This isn’t a matter of right or wrong, it’s that you have different needs and different definitions about what makes you feel loved.

Tell him you NEED gifts from him to feel loved.  The same way he (most likely) needs sex to feel loved.  Let him know how important this is to you.  And praise the HECK out of him when he makes even the smallest effort towards getting you a gift.  What you praise EXPANDS.  πŸ™‚  It will be a win-win.

Post # 7
Member
8042 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@sleepingbeauty88:  7 years??

You really need to sit down and have a chat with the guy. Seriously. You are clearly desperate to get married (most people would be after 7 years). If he doesn’t know if you’re ‘the one’ by now, he won’t ever know.

 

Post # 8
Member
14402 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If it’s that important to you, jsut tell him you want to do gifts and the whole shebang for this and that occassion.  You want a mattress topper… does it really make it that much more special for it to be a “birthday gift”, or do you just want a mattress topper.  Personally, I have a hard time with forcing myself or him to do gifts to celebrate and occassion for us.  To me, I think we’ve gone way past that formality, and after having a job and being able to afford what I want, its not even really that exciting…that’s just me though.  Maybe your guy feels similar to that though and needs to be pushed to do something if thats what you want.

Post # 9
Member
5002 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I usually don’t like piercings, but that actually looks awesome on you!!! Sounds like a tough situation, and I’m not sure I have much advice, but can offer some insight on the gift thing. My Fiance is really hit or miss with gifts. More misses than hits really. A coffee maker, a cutting board, and a shower head are just a few examples. He has done well a few times, he got me a beautiful necklace after I hinted that I wanted something “sparkly” for Christmas a few years ago, but usually it’s a day-of random gift. Gifts just aren’t that important to him so it’s not something he thinks to make a big deal about. I agree that the issue with your Boyfriend or Best Friend is whether he can take the initiative to find a ring and propose if he can’t even get a birthday gift. Even though my Fiance isn’t so good with gifts, he planned an amazing proposal with absolutely zero hinting on my part. So maybe there’s hope!!

Post # 10
Member
3100 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

you’re such a natural beauty!!! the old lady in me says, take that thing out! but if it makes you happy it makes you look even prettier πŸ™‚

Post # 11
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@Sunfire:  I agree. Our 5 year anniversary is on Saturday, and we’re just going out to dinner. He’ll probably get me flowers (cheap ones from the grocery store…gasp!), and I got him something small to hang in his office that I thought he’d like. 

I feel like it’s all about expectations. I think it’s sweet that my Darling Husband remembers how much I love flowers and gets them for me for every occasion. There’s no reason why he needs to be spending $70 on flowers to be delivered to me when he can stop by the grocery store for ones that will probably last longer for only $15. And dinner with him is spending some quality time together which we don’t get a ton of.

I think you need to take a step back and look at what he DID do for you. He got you flowers and and a card…so sweet! He took you to dinner for your anniversary! There are some really nice things there that he’s going to feel aren’t good enough for you if you come down on him for not getting you a foam mattress topper. 

Post # 13
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

@sleepingbeauty88:  Honey, I totally feel for you. That would make me feel horrible if I was expecting something and it didn’t happen. My SO and I have also been dating for 7 years this coming Monday – but we’ve had discussions about gifts for certain events. We’re going to Mexico in October, so we BOTH can to resolution that we weren’t going to get each other gifts. He definately should of told you or you should of had the discussion about it because I could imagine how you felt not recieving anything. I don’t know about other ladies on here but birthday’s are a big deal – I don’t care how long you have been dating or how old you are. I’ve had a few friends pass on and every year that I or someone is healthy, alive and happy is a blessing in itself. He should of had the discussion in my opinion. Maybe before next holiday you guys can have a sit down and you can tell how crummy it made you feel that you didn’t receive anything and that you should make a plan for gifts, just not do what you want because that’s when feelings are hurt, as the other person had expectations. Just my opinion though πŸ™‚

HANG IN THERE BUDDY!! Seven years is a long time, trust me, I KNOW. My SO knows exactly where I stand, the ball is in his court as well.  So all we can do is wait and be hopeful. You’re doing the right thing by doing things for yourself. Hang in there. If you ever need to vent, you can PM me because I am in the same shoes as you right now! πŸ™‚

Post # 14
Member
5965 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

Oh man….I think I got this call from my sister three weeks ago…she was having a totally crappy birthday, and they had just bought their new place, so no cash, doing a little chicken dinner at Mom & Dad’s, no biggie….she had the engagement itch BAAADD!  And I’m really close to her SO, and I couldn’t let on that we were planning on shopping for her ring that weekend!  But after she told me how totally bad she felt, and that 31 was a bust and the whole year was going to suck I called SO and we concocted the biggest, baddest engagement caper this side of the Mason Dixon line!   From my office I helped get a ring sized and set (he works at a call center – no personal calls there), he popped the question that night after I passed the ring to him under the table! 

You gotta get your sister, or best friend to talk to him and see what’s the hold up already!  My future brother in law was stuck on the ring, not so much money, but just totally overwhelmed by the whole choice thing, and intimidated at the idea of screwing it up…a wingman is a beautiful thing!

Call your sisters in honey!

Post # 15
Member
2183 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium

For us, we go through phases of great gifts and poopy gifts. We’ve been together for 7 years, and this past birthday of his was by far my best (I got him kick ass gifts. It was freakin’ Christmas!). In the past, though, I’ve gotten and given pretty lame gifts. It happens.

Here’s an idea so that it doesn’t happen again: Start an Amazon wishlist. You can add stuff from anywhere online and both have access to it. That way, you always have a running list of stuff the other wants. No guessing.(we have two separate lists, but under the same account)

That said, it’s kind of shitty (sorry, no better word there) that he waited until AFTER your birthday to get you flowers and a card. Those should have been there at least when you got home from work. I would just have a talk with him and say, “You know, sweety, I know this year we haven’t really been giving gifts for many occasions, but it’s important to me that we have at least something to open, even a card, or do something special to celebrate. I love you, and I want to make each special occasion exactly that.”Even after 7 years or 15 or 60, you need to take time to celebrate each other, I think.

Oh, and if money isn’t an issue, where the heck is your proposal and wedding? He needs to get on that! πŸ™‚

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