Post # 1
So I’m planing my sister’s bridal shower and I was wondering what the etiquette would be to ask for monetary gifts?
My sister doesn’t live with her fiance nor will the wedding take place in Canada (where we live). She’s going to get married where he lives then come here and apply for immigration etc. so as it stands she probably won’t live with him for at least 2 years. However, we’re having her shower about 2 weeks before she leaves for Pakistan (where she’s getting married) and the money would be really useful there – more useful then a registry, I think. The shower is small, not more than say 15 people, and we know all of them quite well and I believe they would understand giving a monetary gift rather than a registered gift. But I would like to know the best way to ask: on the invitation? (which is going to be a pretty informal e-card).
On a side note: can you ask your shower guests to wear a certain set of colours? or would that be too rude? and if it isn’t too rude how should I word it politely?
Post # 2
There is no point in having a bridal shower when you have cash gifts – one of the main points of having a bridal shower is to ‘shower’ the bride with gifts and having gifts ‘ohh’ and ‘ahhh’ over each one. I have been to a shower where the Maid/Matron of Honor requested cash for the bride, and honestly it was the worst event ever. The bride opened each card and read the contents. Absolutely mortifying.
If you really want to throw a party for your sister, have you considered hosting a ladies luncheon? Something where all the women get together where gifts are not expected.
And yes, it is rude to ask guests to wear certain colors. Especially if you are asking them to give cash. If you were still stuck on this, give the e-card a specific theme, and say ‘Come dressed in your favorite xyz-theme attire’
Post # 3
I would not give a cash gift at a bridal shower. I would purchase a nice picture frame or something else that would have sentimental value, rather than giving money. If you don’t like this route, you don’t need to do a shower. As the PP suggested, you could just have a luncheon or a tea where gifts are not expected/part of the event.
I also would not ask guests to wear certain colors. As a grown woman, I am very well suited to pick out my own clothes for nicer events. Is there a reason you want people to wear specific colors?
Post # 4
I agree with citybearbride, host a luncheon with NO gifts. Showers are for physical gifts. If most people know she is moving, perhaps they will bring packable items. If people want to give money, they will usually do so for the wedding, even if they don’t attend. There’s almost nothing tackier than a money or gift card shower.
Also agreed about the colors, thumbs down.
Post # 5
ragestarshine: i think this really depends on where you are from. from the previous replies I think some people may consider it rude, but where I live its become pretty common for bridal showers, wedding events, etc to be “money tree” and it is usually indicated with printing a small envelope icon on the bottom of the invitation. Ive been to several bridal showers that indicated money only and it was not weird or awkward at all. The bride sinply did not open her gifts in front of guests, which here we don’t really do at parties anyway
Post # 6
No there is absutely no polite way to ask for a cash shower and I would be completely offended if I got an invite requesting it.
I also think it’s a bit much to ask people to wear certain things. If it’s themed, you can hope people are excited to dress accordingly but requesting a color would also really annoy me. I’m not a prop!
If you don’t want presents I would say “Your presence is our present- no gifts please. Let’s shower our bride with love, advice, and wisdom. Please bring a card of advice and a beloved recipe”
Or you just let presents happen and she can enjoy them when she moves to her marital home.
CityBearBride: that is a horrifying story!
Post # 7
- Wedding: October 2014 - Church
ragestarshine: You could say that the shower has a coloured theme and ask guests to wear certain colours. That is what one girl had – a Nightmare Before Christmas theme so people wore purple or black. The money thing?? I don’t know … I would not want to give money and I have never heard of that at a bridal shower. Usually if a couple just wants money as gifts there is no shower or something else is done – like an advice shower or recipe shower (we did this last one for my friend and everyone contributed a recipe and photo of themselves with him and someone turned it into a scrapbook that was given to him – he loved that). I personally would not give cash. Is she registered for somewhere overseas? If so you could point guests towards online purchases. I think a luncheon is a much better idea in your case.
Post # 8
Just host a get together or a luncheon celebrating your sister like other posters said. I wouldn’t go to a cash only bridal shower if that was on the invitation personally. The whole point is to ‘shower the bride in gifts’. I understand the logistics of this for your sister are tricky. However, perhaps she could register for some small items instead or you could place on your invitation something that says ‘as the bride is travelling, please keep in mind that any gifts will need to fit into a suitcase’.
Post # 9
ragestarshine: My soon to be aunt and uncle threw a ‘money tree’ party for my FI’s sister and her now husband. It was co-ed and they invited a bunch of friends and family. They also threw a ‘gift card’ party for his other sister and now husband for home improvement gift cards for their new house and they’re throwing us a ‘garage fund’ party this year… for obviously our garage haha. Maybe you could do something like that? It’s a way to get some cash gifts for your sister without calling it a ‘shower’.
As for the colour thing, I really don’t see the big deal. I’m assuming it would be because of a theme and not because you’re trying to control anyones wardrobe for the day. If I were invited to a party and asked to wear a certain colour I’d think, ‘Cool, theme party!’. I wouldn’t be offended AT ALL.
Post # 10
Well I guess you just have to look at your social circles norms. My friends and family would be horrified by a fundraising party but with some of the PP it sounds pretty standard. Have you ever been invited to/heard of a cash shower amongst your family and friends? I think that’s your answer.
Post # 11
I don’t like the idea of a cash bridal shower. But that’s just me. It sounds like she’ll have 2 years to nest, and while the money would be nice while she’s over there, she’s coming back to Canada pretty quickly and could set up their home with the shower gifts before he comes over. Or did I read that wrong?
I’m also not a big fan of being told what to wear other than the category of formality (cocktail, black-tie): also if a guest doesn’t own something in the color indicated, they would have to buy something new on top of the cash they’re also requested to give. Unless it’s an easy color (and not an exact shade – cornflower only!) and you know everyone will already have it in their closet: then it’s not so bad. Just know some guests will forget and wear something else that day.
I like the recipe idea. Or throw a tea party or bon voyage luncheon in her honor. I’m sure many of the guests will bring cards w/ $omething $pecial tucked into them to help her with her trip and wedding. It’s just the asking strait out asking for cash for a gift shower that may be off-putting to some of the guests.
Post # 12
I don’t think you should have a bridal shower if you don’t have a registry. As others have pointed out, the purpose of a bridal shower is to shower the person with gifts. You can have a bridal luncheon honoring the bride and some people may give cash gifts or random items.