(Closed) Monetary Gifts: How much is enough?

posted 12 years ago in Money
Post # 61
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Where I live, the norm is to give at least the cost of the plate.  The point of this is to help the bride and groom in thier new life. Of course, if you don’t nobody will hate you, it’s just being nice.

 And if anybody brought a physical gift,  there would be nowhere to put it!  In fact, when they walk in there will be a decorated box to put the envelopes.  Also another tradition is for the bride to walk around with a pretty bag for the guests to put their cards in.  Some people like to give it to the bride personally, so I will have both the box and the bag.

Candi

Post # 62
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

My registray was strictly for my bridal shower.

Post # 63
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I agree with everyone that says you should not expect guests to give enough to cover the cost of their plate at the reception.  If you do, then I’m afraid you might be in for a big surprise.

I also agree, that $75 is too little to give.  Especially if she is bringing a guest that neither the bride or groom have met.  If she truly can’t afford to give more and really wants to attaend the wedding, than she should consider going without a guest (especially if other college friends will be there) or giving at least $125-$150

To be honest, I don’t go to weddings of "college friends" that I am no longer close with anymore.  I’m usually shocked to receive an invite in the first place and hope they don’t expect to receive one from me.  Sorry, but it would be way to stressful, just trying to figure out the seating chart…  🙂

Post # 64
Member
141 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I absolutely don’t expect people to cover the cost of their plates. They’re giving me a wonderful gift just by attending my wedding! We have a budget based on the idea that we are getting NO money, so any money we do get will be lovely, but not necessary. 

I also find the idea strange that the more extravagant the wedding, the more you should give. If a couple makes the choice to have a low key wedding, it not only might cost just as much as the elegant, it might be in the couple’s style even if they can afford more! More importantly, I think it’s difficult to judge the couple’s financial situation based on how "expensive" their wedding looks. Maybe they have tons of money to throw around. Maybe their parents are paying for everything. Maybe they went up to eyeballs in debt. But the same could apply for the casual wedding. 

I definitely do gifts based on how well I know the person and my means at the tim. 

Post # 65
Member
158 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2009

Maybe it’s just because the cost of living is so much lower here (Oklahoma), but as a bride, I would be very excited and honored by a gift of $75. That seems like more than enough to me. And I don’t think that guests should have to cover the cost of their plate either. If you had a dinner party in your home, would you expect all of you guests to come with cash in hand? A wedding reception should be no different. And besides that, as a guest I think it would be difficult to always judge before I went to the wedding how much my plate would cost. If you got to the reception and realized that the dinner was more expensive than you had thought, would you have to go back and put more cash in your envelope? What if the dinner was far less expensive? Then could I take my envelope back and take some of my cash out? 

Post # 66
Member
236 posts
Helper bee

$75 to $100 is fine.  No one is obligated to bring a gift, although it is polite.  Trying to pay for the plate was never a very good way of gauging how much because how do you really know what it would be unless you asked and it doesn’t take into account the fact that guests come from verying economic situations. 

Post # 67
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

When a couple gets married and decides to choose an expensive venue then they cannot expect their guests to pay that much to at least cover the cost of the food. $75 is more than fine especially if she does not earn that much yet. I was lucky and got a RSVP yesterday returned with a decline but it still included a cheque of $50 bucks. That is a nice gesture but it is not what I would have expected. I believe that at the westcoast couples usually give $50-100 when attending a wedding. At least that is my experience.

Keep in mind that your guests may have also additional expenses such as a hotel room, gas and plane tickets. Sometimes it can cost well over $1000. I will have some out of town guests and guests from overseas. I would not even expect them to pay anything in fact. I would consider me happy if they will actually attend the wedding.

I think we will be lucky if we will recover 1/3 of the actual wedding costs via monetary gifts.  

Post # 68
Member
14 posts
Newbee

View original reply
suzanno :  Wow, candlesticks? That’s rude to assume someone would want something like that. Not everyone cares for candlesticks. Seriously.

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