(Closed) money and friends.. advice ladies??

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
10573 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’ve never really had to deal with that sort of person.  I’ve known some where they mooch off of others generosity and simply don’t offer to host, but that’s very different.

When it comes to doing things, I would just refuse to treat him.  If his card is forgotten, then only give a loan in writting, you have the reciept right there.  When you go out again as a group, you could always have your Fiance leave his credit card at home, and get the friend to cover you guys (while you still have yours there, just in case, but don’t volunteer that info).  He could even word it as hey, I don’t have my card but you owe us anyways, right?

Your Fiance really needs to sit down and talk to the guy, but you don’t really have much control over that, other than encouraging him to do so.

Post # 4
Member
9955 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Yup as this is your Fiance’s Friend, then Fiance needs to have the chat.

If he doesn’t have the chat (or if said chat doesn’t go well… “Hey what do you mean man, I paid for Dinner”)

Then you and Fiance have to make a decision about how much you want a mooch in your lives (and as the “gal” in this relationship… I’d be making it clear to my Fiance that it is one thing if your guy is ok with his friend taking advantage OF HIM … but I’m not putting any more of MY MONEY on the table).

As for the Wedding…

My first Question would be WHY the idea of not inviting the friend…

(a) Is it because you guys are mad at him,

(b) You and Fiance disagree on this issue,

(c) Technically he still owes you money, or

(d) He is meant to be in the Wedding Party and with those expenses looming you cannot run the risk of him wriggling his way out of that stuff too.

More info would be helpful…

 

Post # 7
Member
263 posts
Helper bee

I used to have a friend like that. They are no longer my friend – I just got sick of covering for them all the time and not getting paid back. It’s a form of being taken advantage of. He knows perfectly well he should pay up. If you have to hang out with him again and it happens – I would just call him out – what do I look like? Your sugar momma? Pay up buddy! Do it in a teasing tone with a serious look and he’ll get the message.

Post # 8
Member
3303 posts
Sugar bee

I got rid of friends whom would treat me like that. I don’t like getting taken advantage of. Maybe you should have your fiance talk to him or let you fiance foot the bill. He will eventually get tired of it and do something.

Post # 9
Member
3461 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Send him a bill for the trip, tally up what you paid and what he paid, and request the $ he still owes you.  Tell him you tallied it for him to make it easier for him to reimburse you for the costs you covered when he forgot his wallet.  Would he please bring check or a cash the next time you see him?  Thanks”

How he responds will tell you how good of a friend he really is…

Let your Fiance handle the wedding – you’re likely right he’ll try to get you to pay for everything.

Post # 10
Member
14445 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

Bar – dont start an open tab.  Order and pay for your own drinks as you go.

Restaurant – how did he not cough up the money for his part?  Did he just sit there and do nothing?  I’d bring it up, look at the bill, and tell him what his portion is… make him ask for to borrow or acknowledge that he needs his part covered.  I wouldnt just let him sit there and pay for it.

Or keep tabs and then tell him what he owe’s you guys.

Post # 11
Member
12973 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@pinkshoes:  This.

I would not send him a bill…that comes across as a bit childish to me.  I don’t ever loan money with the anticipation of getting it back (though I’ve always been paid back).  I would have sat there at the restaurant and said we’d either wait for him to go get his card (if the restaurant was near/at tht hotel), or immediately go back to the room for him to get his card, go to the ATM, and give me cash.  Your Fiance needs to be more up-front with him and tell him it’s not okayeep mooching rather than just sitting back and letting it go on.

Post # 12
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Everyone has a friend like that.  I’ve got a friend who used to go out for cocktails with me, to a bar where I knew the bartender and got a lot of free drinks. At the end of the night, she’d have had maybe 5 beers but the bartender only put 2 on the check and put the rest on the house tab— so she’d give me $6 for the beers and a generous $2 for the tip (sarcasm).  I tried explaining to her that she had to tip more generously because of those free drinks but it just bounced off, so after 4 or 5 times of coming out of my own pocket to cover an appropriate tip, I just stopped going for cocktails with her. She’s still my friend. Just not one of my drinking buddies.

You need to adjust your relationship with this person. That might mean requesting separate checks when you go out together (and if he’s a cheap tipper, then you mihgt have to accept kicking in an extra few dollars now and then for the waiter), or changing the types of places you go to when you do go out together.

I don’t see it as a friendship-ending situation, any more than I’d end a friendship with the friend who is habitually late (I just tell her to be everywhere 30 minutes before we really need to be there).

As for dropping the friend from the wedding, I’d not do that because that truly is a friendship-ending move. Instead, I’d have a frank conversation with him (and really since he is your fi’s friend, your fi should have this conversation). Go over the expenses the friend is expected to cover, when those payments are due, who the money goes to, and what happens if he doesn’t pay. Then confirm he is able to meet those commitments or give him the opportunity to bring up any financial concerns he may have.

Post # 13
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

never dealt with that before. i’d let this trip go but in the future do not let him get away with free loading. Simply ask for separate checks up front when out with this person. I know it feels awkward but he can’t keep weaseling around like that. what a jerk!

Post # 14
Member
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

This guy doesn’t actually sound like a very good friend. He’s your fiance’s best man you say? Well, if the relationship is that important to your Fiance, then you’ll probably have to suck up paying for this guy to be in the wedding. (Since it sounds like that’s the long established pattern, your Fiance paying his friend for the privilege of his presence.)

But I suggest you and your Fiance come to an agreement about how to handle this friend,  and how much you’re willing to spend on him. (Me, I wouldn’t do anything with him where I’d be likely to end up in a position of buying his drinks, dinner, etc.) 

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