(Closed) Money and lies

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
Post # 2
Member
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

View original reply
annonymouspostingrequired:  Wow.

First let me say I appreciate the Cthulhu reference, it gave a chuckle.

Second off, GET OUT. It’s nice that you tried to work things out with him, but he is clearly still lying and is incredibly irresponsible with money. This is not normal by any means, and you don’t need to be picking up his money mistakes for the rest of your life.

Post # 3
Member
1936 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Naw, I’d leave. You don’t want to be tied to a mess like that, especially if there are secrets and lying going on. IF you know someone made mistakes with money in the past, but they’ve learned and are now just dealing with the fallout, I think that’s one thing. But to continue making those “mistakes” means he hasn’t learned his lesson at all, and it’s not going to get better. You were already going to leave, probably for the right reasons. I’d quietly get out at this point.

 

My DH was AWFUL with money when we met in college. Just awful. He’d spend his paycheck like it was all disposable income and let a few things go to collections, didn’t file his taxes, or save, etc. Over the years he’s gone back and paid those debts, filed his taxes, taken a money management class with me before we got married, and wants us to save money. I still do pay all the bills and manage the day to day finances, because I like the spreadsheets and I’m naturally better at it, but he’s learned and knows enough to NOT make dumb decisions like this. 

Post # 4
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

I would leave. It doesn’t sound like these are lessons he is going to learn. Sorry bee, good luck xxx

Post # 5
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Financial irresponsibility and lack of trust are big issues. I recommend a session with a therapist, together or separately, in order to identify possible ways forward. I’m sorry.

Post # 6
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Yeah, I couldn’t live with someone like that. I value financial stability far too much.

If his wages were garnished that means he would have received several notifications beforehand. Not sure if you’re in the US and if the procedure differs by state, but where I live there would have to first be a court judgment against him, which means he would have gotten notification of the court date and then not bothered to show up for it, so a default judgment would have been awarded to the plaintiff. Then the creditor would have had to file for wage garnishment, at which point another form would have been sent to him notifying him of that and giving him a chance to contest it. So I doubt this came as a surprise to him unless he’s so irresponsible he doesn’t even open and read his mail! Either way, he should be able to contact the courts to find out who’s garnishing his wages. Or perhaps even his employer could let him know since they would have had to process the garnishment request. Not that it’ll help you feel less pissed off, but I sure as heck would want to know where my money’s disappearing off to. 

Whether or not you decide to stay with him, make sure you’re not having your paychecks deposited into a joint account with him. If he’s got other debt floating around out there that he’s not dealing with and it goes to court, the state could wind up taking any future court judgments from any account with his name on it. That happened to my Fiance with his ex-wife’s debt because he didn’t realize her name was still on his bank account. She got taken to court for $235 and with the magic of court fees and processing fees he discovered over $500 missing from his account one day. Totally legal and within their rights to take that money since her name was on the account, so protect yourself!

Post # 7
Member
426 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

So, why are you staying? You said it yourself, you were going to leave a few months ago… And what has changed now? He is still bad with money, not good at communicating, he isn’t stepping up, and it seems like he is kicking back relaxing while you do damage control. You are worthy of love and being treated well. It doesn’t seem like you are getting either of those things when you continue to stay. GL Bee

Post # 8
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

Yeah you need to leave. You don’t need to deal with that in your life. Its not worth it and on top of that you’ve already had issues. Say bye bye to this relationship and find someone worth a damn. 

Post # 9
Member
3419 posts
Sugar bee

All of the other problems aside, he would have received notices alerting him as to why his wages are being garnished. Also, the payroll department would know why the wages are being garnished.

Post # 10
Member
3323 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Good thing you found this out before you were married. At least you can leave and have 0 ties to his debt.

Post # 11
Member
309 posts
Helper bee

Tell him to contact HR/Payroll today if he truly doesn’t know who is garnishing his checks and you want a copy of the letter that was sent to them to garnish his wages. Otherwise you will discuss seperation.

Is it possible he has children out there you don’t know about?

Post # 12
Member
447 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019

At least you know now. I didn’t find out until I was married that my ex was having his wages garnished….and not bc he told me. I went online and did some searching bc he was secretive and a liar and found out he had a $12,000 judgement against him!!  Things won’t change when you get married. You don’t want to be tied to that! 

Post # 13
Member
4808 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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annonymouspostingrequired:   What do you do?  I suggest leaving – he has proven himself to be untrustworthy.   If you go forward with him in your life you will always and forever be standing on shaky ground, not knowing what is true and what is false.  

There are enough challenges in life – you deserve a strong, reliable and truthful partner to stand by you.  

Post # 14
Member
7649 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

Leave.

The biggest thing that stuck out to me was that he doesn’t know when he last filed taxes. That should be a quick, easy answer. Obviously the financial problems are an issue too. Dump him.

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