Post # 1
So my grandmother made my mother a purse that my mother used for the money dance at her wedding. Now my mother would like me to use that purse in my upcoming wedding for the money dance…… but I am really torn to do so or not.
I like the idea of using the purse as a way to incorporate my grandmother (who passed away several years ago) into my wedding day and the idea of carrying forward a wedding tradtion from my family.
However, I personally have only been to one wedding where there was a money dance. I felt that the guests response to it was mediocre at best. Additionally, when disscussing the idea of having the money dance and using the purse with my Future Mother-In-Law she said flat out she doesn’t like when people have money dances.
So I am torn do I do the dance and use the purse and honor my female relatives and family tradtion.. or do I skip the money dance because it is not a common tradition, many guests think it is tacky, and the Future Mother-In-Law doesn’t want it.
What you fellow “bees” think?
Post # 3
Is there another way you can use the purse in your wedding? Maybe the ring bearer can carry the rings in it? Could you carry it with you and have a handkerchief or a few tissues in it? How small is it- maybe you could teather it to your bouquet?
Post # 4
do the dance! i’ve never been to a wedding that didn’t have one and wasn’t a blast! if you have a good dj that gets everyone into it, its really fun!!
Post # 5
I am in the camp of “avoid the money dance at all costs.” I think it is tacky and I couldn’t imagine EVER doing it at my wedding!!!
What if you used the purse by carrying the rings in it, or holding it for pictures? Is it big enough that you could set it out and guests could put cards in it? Or maybe it could hold programs?
Post # 6
This question ususally is pretty controversial. So I’ll sum it up. The money dance is a cultural/regional thing. If you and your guests are used to it… there are really no issues. If not, then it can seem “tacky.” If you’re torn, ask around your family and friends what they believe and go with that.
Polling this question will most likely get you “dont do it” or “it’s typical where I am from.”
Post # 7
Do you want to do the money dance but are worried what your guests may think or do you not want to do the dance but are worried you’ll be disrespecting your deceased grandmother & mom?
Post # 8
@DaneLady: The purse is maybe about the size of a novel. It is def to big to tie to the bouquet but I like the idea of trying to use it for a different application in the wedding. Thank you.
Post # 9
It really all comes down to a regional thing… some circles/cultures always do a money dance and some don’t.
At the end of the day, it is just 1 part of your entire wedding… so if you want to do it, then do it! If you don’t, then don’t sweat it…. people may or may not be offended, but if they’re your family & friends I am sure they aren’t going to take that offense through life.. it may just not be something they participate in.
Where I am from, every wedding I have been to has a money dance, it wasn’t until WB that I learned that people don’t do the money dance, so it may be a matter of where you’re located
Post # 10
From a guest perspective, and a guest who does not go to weddings with the money dance, I’d be horribly uncomfortable with the money dance. I think they are awkward and a little greedy – but that’s from a perspective of a region that absolutely does not do them. If your guests are comfortable, that’s one thing. It sounds like your FI’s family would not be comfortable with them.
Post # 11
I agree with all of the other posters. We had a dollar dance (that’s what is called here, I’ve never heard if called the money dance), but I’ve never been to a wedding were there wasn’t a dollar dance. Ever. You on the other hand, have only been to one wedding where there was a dollar dance, I think this is a pretty good indicator of how your guests would feel about it.
Post # 12
I agree that the money/dollar dance is a regional thing. Either your guests are used to it or they aren’t. It’s not the norm here, but I know that’s not the case everywhere.
Post # 13
@les105: I think that doing the money dance could be fun, you interacting with guests and creating another activity at the wedding. However I am uncomfortable with asking people to give money to do so. I thought of perhaps donating the money from it to a charity for the cancer research institute for the cancer that she died from. That was I would be honoring her and incorporating her into the wedding. However, I don’t want guests of the wedding to be put in an uncomfortable position, or to feel that we are trying to get more money out of them, and it is uncommon in the area that we are getting married int (my side of the family is from a different region) Soo in not so many words I guess I don’t know how I feel about it…..
Post # 15
Generally, I agree that I don’t love dollar dances & think they should be avoided if they’re not usually done within your circle. But, in this particular case, IF YOU HAVE YOUR HEART SET ON IT to honor your grandmother, I think it could be doable.
You could consider giving people an option to put a dollar in the purse or have slips of paper available where people can trade in a piece of advice for a dance with the bride.
If you’re just doing it to appease your mom, I would consider what the other posters suggested and factor the purse into your wedding in another way.
Post # 16
@MissKiki: If you wanted to do something like that, I’d just put your favor money towards donation and have a nice sign in each table that says “In lieu of favors, Bride and Groom have selected to make a donation to (Charity) in the name of their guests to honor (Grandma).” No need to do the dollar dance/money dance.