(Closed) Money Dance Tacky?

posted 8 years ago in Traditions
Post # 3
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Its a regional thing.. My sister did it at her wedding in upstate NY, but I live on Long Island now and Ive not been a wedding down here that does it… Id be nervous to do it because I feel like people would look at me and think tacky redneck.  Its my biggest fear to think my new family would think this of my family so, though I havent brought it up, Im pretty sure we wont be doing it… however, if you want to, you think its fun and you dont care what your parent/family thinks… I say go for it…

Post # 4
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@caric813: You are going to get a lot of different answers on this one. In some parts of the country and world it is accepted and expected. In some other parts people find it very offensive. If it’s common where you are from and your guests expect it then have it. I’ve been to weddings with and without them and no one ever seems offended. The last wedding I went to was Polish and I think the custom started there (where the bride would carry around a coin purse) and it was a lot of fun to take a shot and dance with the groom.

Post # 5
Member
2821 posts
Sugar bee

I’ve been to a lot of weddings with this and everyone always has a great time but I know when I’ve brought it up to people who haven’t heard of it a lot of times the first response is to think it sounds weird.

We didnt’ have one at our wedding because a lot of people who came didn’t even have english as their first language so I really didn’t feel like trying to explain.  But I did try to have a couple songs where my husband and I went around and danced with other people since that’s half the fun of the money dance.

Maybe you could do something like that informally, where it’s not called a money dance but you just have a song or two where the bride and groom want to dance with their guests.

Post # 6
Member
13099 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

My views on money dances are identical to your mom’s and so are my DH’s (I’m from IN and he’s from GA).  We’re 23 and 24 so we certainly aren’t old people!

It is very much a regional thing.  So if it is common in your region, go for it, but recognize that guests not from a region where money dances are common will very likely be offended.  And if basically your entire family is against it, it is a pretty good bet that a large number of your guests will be too.

Post # 7
Member
1556 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We had this issue.  My family is Polish and expected a dollar dance.  I was told my older relatives would be hurt if we didn’t have one.  They look at it not as a way for the bride and groom to get gifts, but as a way to make sure everyone gets a chance for some one-on-one time with the bride (or groom).   Without a dollar dance, how often do each of the guests get an opportunity to spend a little time alone with the bride and groom.

As for tacky, a dollar is really a nominal amount.  I don’t think anyone does a dollar dance for the money.  Yes, some relatives will give more, but that truly isn’t the point. I’m guessing at one time it was, but it isn’t anymore.  Most people I know that did one did it because it was a tradition in their family and because they like the chance to dance a little with each of the guests.  It’s funny that my parents were adamant about having the dollar dance, but would be horrified at the thought of a cash bar.

However, to avoid the appearance of asking guests for money, we had some younger cousins pass out some Monopoly money after dinner.  The DJ then announced to the guests that these “dollars” were for the dollar dance.  Yes, we still did get the stray $20 or $50 from some older relatives who had brought them just for that reason, but no one was made to feel like they had to pay anything to dance with us. 

Post # 8
Member
569 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m glad you posted this! I’ve been wondering the same thing. It seems to be a fairly common thing to do within my family, and we’re Hispanic. I’ve been to plenty of weddings without it, but every wedding that has it always has a long line of guests wanting to dance with the bride and groom. I guess I’ll have to bring it up with the Future In-Laws and see what their opinion is, but I’ve always enjoyed that part of a wedding. Like Neva said above, it really is just about giving the guests a chance to dance with the bride or groom.

Post # 9
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is definitely a cultural/regional thing, and whether or not your guests will be offended depends entirely on whether it’s a tradition they are familiar with!

So it has occurred to me that there are ways to have the money dance where unfamiliar guests are less likely to be offended. You could, for example, put a message in your program and/or on your tables with an explanation of the tradition and why you are doing it (in honor of the groom’s heritage, for example).

If you want to do it for the symbolic reason (i.e., to allow guests one-on-one time) vs. to collect actual cash, you could even put out some dollar bills (real or fake, even) on the tables so that guests can use them to participate without shelling out their own money. Those who are used to the tradition and would like to give real cash will still do so. What do you think?

Post # 10
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

This is definitely a cultural/regional thing, and whether or not your guests will be offended depends entirely on whether it’s a tradition they are familiar with!

So it has occurred to me that there are ways to have the money dance where unfamiliar guests are less likely to be offended. You could, for example, put a message in your program and/or on your tables with an explanation of the tradition and why you are doing it (in honor of the groom’s heritage, for example).

If you want to do it for the symbolic reason (i.e., to allow guests one-on-one time) vs. to collect actual cash, you could even put out some dollar bills (real or fake, even) on the tables so that guests can use them to participate without shelling out their own money. Those who are used to the tradition and would like to give real cash will still do so. What do you think?

Post # 12
Member
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@caric813: oh and to add one more thing, is your parents paying for the wedding? She shouldn’t be putting her foot down on something you want. What about HIS family? Did she forget about them? If you and your Fiance want to do it, you do it. Asking for $1 for a dance is not going to put guests out.

Post # 13
Member
286 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

I don’t have much of an opinion on this mainly because i don’t dance so it won’t be happening at my wedding. But my mom wanted to do a money tree. Some fake tree painted gold with paperclips attached to put cards and money on. I said absolutely not. Ick….just ick.

Post # 14
Member
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think it depends on what region you’re in as well.  If it’s common in your region or culture, go for it.  If not, it may be looked at as tacky.

Post # 15
Member
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I have read about this dance on a few others postings,  what exactly is it?  I have never heard of it.

Post # 16
Member
2767 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I don’t think it is tacky.  We didn’t want it at ours but ended up having it to please my family members (who wanted it).  We both actually liked having it in the end.  It gave us time to dance with people and talk with a lot of people one on one.  Plus we made a few extra bucks, but not as much as it sounds like you’ll make (everyone just gave us $1’s or $5’s still).  If people don’t like it then they just won’t partake in it.  I’ve been to plenty of weddings where people don’t go up to dance with the bride or groom during the dollar dance and that’s fine.  It’s mostly the family members that go up to dance with them and maybe groups of friends.  My group of girlfriends all came up and danced around me and paid like $20 for it or something.

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