Post # 1
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
I was just wondering what you bees thought about how much one should give for a money gift. We are not registered, we are wondering what everyone thinks is appropriate. Obviously everyone has their own ettiquette. I was raised to believe you give $100 for a wedding or more. Even if you are invited and cannot attend, it is the right thing to send out a present or money. I was discussing this with my Maid/Matron of Honor, she says you only give what you think they will spend on your meal. That’s just stupid. How would anyone know what you are spending on catering? Unless your telling everyone “yeah it’s 45 a plate”. Get real!
Post # 3
Member
1137 posts
Bumble bee
DH and I have discussed this extensively in the past, and the amount we give comes down to an equation with a bunch of factors including 1) How close we are with the couple, 2) what the average wedding gift is for that group of friends (my softball team is much lower than his MBA classmates), 3) if we had to travel to the wedding, 4) if I had to buy shower/bachlorette gifts and 5) how nice (expensive) we think the wedding is going to be.
So yes, all other factors being equal, we will give a bigger cash gift for a formal dinner-dance where we will eat filet and drink top-shelf booze than a daytime dessert reception.
Post # 4
Member
1229 posts
Bumble bee
But all in all, the couple is preparing for their lives together. What does it matter
what you as a guest get out of it? Am I just being archaic? I once worked with a woman who worked with me in a daycare. Obviously we did not make much money. She told me she always gives 250. Always no matter what or who. I thought wow!!
I am just getting nervous is all. I know that we are throwing the party for our guests to share in a celebration of our love, but my bank account is really draining, oh boy is it ever. Is it rude of me to be hoping for a lot of money??????????
Post # 5
Member
3616 posts
Sugar bee
@Carolyn72:your Maid/Matron of Honor and my Maid/Matron of Honor must be friends because that’s how my Maid/Matron of Honor thinks too. I had the same confused wtf reaction as you.
Post # 6
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
Give what you can afford and what you are willing to give. I wouldn’t expect someone to give me what they couldn’t afford. Around here $50 is customary. Maybe more from close family members. I would expect less from a younger single person. With the economy being the way it is, I might expect less than $50 from more people and I would be thankful for whatever they could afford and were willing to give.
Post # 7
Member
685 posts
Busy bee
Minimum $100 for me. However if I think if my plate is $100, then I would give more. Also,depends on how much I’m closed to the person.
Post # 8
Member
3977 posts
Honey bee
I agree partly with canambride, I would base my gift on how well I knew the person, how much I thought was expected, how much I think they need the money, and a little bit on the inconvenience of the wedding to me (Sat afternoon close by when I had no plans I’d probably give more than an 8 hour drive/hotel/vacation day/etc.).
I’d actually try to give more to a couple who was having a simple small wedding than to someone who was having a huge elaborate affair because I figure the people who are budgeting a lot or prefer something simple probably need the money more and would use it more responsibly. I’d honestly prefer to help someone with a rent payment than help someone buy a freaking cappuccino maker.
Post # 9
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
I am going into the wedding assuming we get $0.
I cannot count on gifts to help us pay for the wedding, so frankly, we aren’t. Dear Fiance thinks we’ll be getting thousands of dollars…but I just can’t bring myself to expect that from people.
I’d be happier that they’re there…no matter what the gift.
Post # 10
Member
7305 posts
Busy Beekeeper
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
My rule of thumb is $100 per person. So if mr. LK and I are invited, I give a minumum of $200. Obviously that amount increases if it’s someone we are close to. 2 of my best friends got married this year, and I made sure to take very good care of them at all stages. 🙂 I love giving gifts!
Post # 11
Member
3563 posts
Sugar bee
I think this is partially regional, and also dependent on where you are in your life. Also, for DH and I, we know that whatever we give people for their wedding is most likely what they gave to us. So it’s almost like we’re trading the money back and forth, lol.
Post # 12
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
It depends on how close we are to the couple getting married, and what we can afford to do. No matter how much I love the couple Im not going to give more than we can afford. Thats about all the facotors that go into it.
Post # 13
Member
1041 posts
Bumble bee
I give what i can afford based on how well I know the person. I dont have a minimum. As a student, somtimes I could only afford $20 or $30, which was what I could afford. Most wedding Fiance go to as a couple we give about $150 on average
Post # 14
Member
834 posts
Busy bee
@Carolyn72: I think it’s very fair for the guests to only bring what they can afford, be it cash, or that really snazzy Kitchen-Aid mixer. Just try not to expect anything. You’d be surprised. 🙂
ETA: no offense to your Maid/Matron of Honor, but the meal equivalency thing is stupid. I’m spending $17/head at my wedding, and anybody would agree that $17 is a stupid gift. It’s not even an even number! lol
Post # 15
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
This is $100 a person or a couple? 95% of my guests gave me $150/200 so that must be the magic number.
I give $150 normally but if I’m SUPER close I throw in more or if the couple is poorer I give more.
Post # 16
Member
3373 posts
Sugar bee
I also found that my friends who made less money gave more than people I know each make six figures.