(Closed) Money hungry wedding activities: What are your thoughts?

posted 6 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
9074 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

I think if dollar dances are a part of your culture that is fair enough. But a garter auction is just so disrespectful. When are we going to stop thinking of women as a man’s possession that he can sell.

I have been to weddings with dollar dances and I always feel pressured to participate even though I personally find them rude. A friend who comes from a culture of these and also felt like it was an out dated tradition made the decision to honour the tradition but asked that instead of money people write good wishes and pin them to her dress.

Just because something is tradition doesn’t mean that it has a place in modern society or that it is the right thing to do. There are a lot of traditions that have thankfully been relegated to the past.

Post # 19
Member
4425 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

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crisy003:  I think 
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LDay1983:  said it best. 

If you think it’s “money hungry” it’s beacause it is. I doubt you want guests saying the same thing about your wedding that you’ve said about others. 

Post # 20
Member
1979 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

In my family, if you want to give someone money, you put it in a card. We don’t do dollar dances, so I have grown up seeing them as a tacky money-grab. I have been to a wedding where people folded money into frogs and other shapes and pin them on the bride’s dress. Some of the folded money was really creative, but I would never let anyone pin anything onto my dress! Pin holes, and it could stain= no thanks! I’ve never heard of a garter auction, but I would not be comfortable with that personally. I wouldn’t mind a wishing tree for guests to tie wishes to though!

Post # 21
Member
2679 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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crisy003:  I’m on your side. The garter auction, etc sounds more than a little tacky! I’m not a fan of panhandling at weddings! 

Post # 22
Member
3075 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013 - A court...

The garter auction is too much and I wouldn’t want to bid on someone’s garter but dollar dances are common where I’m from so although the dance seems like nbd to me I can see how others wouldn’t like it. 

Post # 23
Member
1 posts
Wannabee

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crisy003:  The dollar dance is a tradition for many weddings and has been for as long as I can remember.  As a child, each wedding I attended, there was a dollar dance.  At the age of 43, I have attended many weddings.  I have never heard of or witnessed the garter auction.  Most of the time, the garter is  tossed to all the single men attending the reception like the bouquet is tossed to single women, the garter is then placed on the woman that caught the bouquet.  Many weddings I have attended have the dollar dance and the guests that participate (pay $1 to pay with bride and/or groom) form a tight circle around the bride.  After all participating guests have danced with the bride, the groom must break through this tight circle to rescue his bride and carry her off to their honeymoon.  It ends up being a lot of fun for the guests along with the bride & groom.  I have never thought of it as tacky…..probably because I’ve seen it so many times.  Guests don’t feel obligated to pay $1, most of them are happy to pay and dance with the couple and help them make some money from the wedding.  Other than gifts, this is the only ‘money making’ tradition I have witnessed at a wedding reception.  My daughter is getting married next year and will be having the dollar dance as it has been traditional in our family.

 

Post # 24
Member
558 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

My family has done dollar dances in the past, my parents did them. We will NOT be doing one.

I am Greek and Italian and my Fiance is Greek as well, primarily our familes don’t give gifts they give money, especially the Greeks in our family, though as the years go by they are giving gifts AND money. The reason we were always told growing up for giving money to friends/family is that its seens as a duty to help those you love and care about start their marriage off right. It was a task that was always taken very seriously and though it was a duty, no one ever felt forced to do it. You do it out of the kindness of your heart because you care for the couple. Pinning of money to the bride and groom is kind of the same way as throwing a penny into a wishing well, it was always viewed as a fun tradition and a way of wishing love and luck on the new married couple. Now, as the years go on more and more brides and grooms are older, more established and so some familes realize that giving money is no longer really needed since love is shown in other ways than money, through the registry, through simply just being at the wedding. The tradition is slowly falling by the wayside. This tradition was also started long before there were gift regestries or anything like that. Money was the gift, it showed your respect it was a symbolism of your wishes and good will towards the couple.

Some families chose to keep tradition because its fun, because its something they share and something they enjoy, just because people do it doesn’t mean they are always money hungry, or mean that guests HAVE to participate.

We will have greek dancing at our wedding, thats a tradition, does it mean our guests have to stand up and learn how to dance? No. Just the same as if we did have a dollar dance, we wouldnt make guests stand up and participate in that. There are a lot of wedding things that are tradition and no one is required as a guest to participate in any of them. We all have free will. Regardless of what we do, plan, invite etc. Someone somewhere at your wedding will be upset or offended by something. We can;t make everyone happy all the time. As long as you are your Fiance are happy with your day, nothing else matters. You wont look back on your day and be like ‘well, old aunt jane sure was mad we did/did do this”, “Remember our friends really seemed uncomfortable with this?”

Post # 25
Member
75 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Drury Lane

I’m half Filipino, and the Money Dance has been at every single family wedding I have attended.  There is definitely no pressure to participate, and I only participated once when my cousin got married.  It also looks like a way to talk to socialize with the guests.  I only find it tacky if the couple does it for hours on end.  Now the garter auction?  WAY over the top…

Post # 26
Member
1772 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

If your Fiance wants to receive more cash as gifts, a different strategy is to treat guests very well.  I’m pretty sure that a number of our guests increased the amount they gave us (or the amount they spent on gifts) because we showed them such a good time and such personalized care at our wedding (and much of the extra touches didn’t cost that much more at all).

I grew up seeing dollar dances and thinking nothing of it, but I haven’t seen that at a wedding since I was a child.  I’d feel pretty awkward doing it- but not just because of the money.  It’d also be weird to only (or at least mostly) have me dancing w/guys and my Fiance dancing w/women when really most of the ppl I want to hang out w/are my gfs and for him, it’s his guy friends, and if it’s a way to spend more time talking to our family/family friends, then it’d be way less awkward just to talk instead of dancing.  Now, thinking of it, I would’ve been so so embarrassed to do that (because of the money), I didn’t even want to hold my purse/cardbag that matched me because I felt awkward on that day looking at all like I expected anybody to give me anything (so my Maid/Matron of Honor held it thank goodness) – I only wanted everybody to have a great time.

Post # 27
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am an older, second-time, budget bride (we are paying ourselves) and I have received suggestions to “request donations” to help pay for the reception from FI’s cousin and to do the dollar/money dance from a good friend. I was shocked as this is neither a tradition in our culture or families nor appropriate for the second marriage of a couple our ages. While we do have to cut back to afford a wedding, I certainly don’t want to skimp on tact and I am quite sure the majority of my guests would be appalled at the notion of either activity.

Use your best judgment and keep it classy.

P.s. If you want to honor the tradition of the money dance, why not donate it to a charity that is important to you both?

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 10 months ago by  msfreemis.

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