Post # 1
I know many people on here are against registries or putting anything close to it in their invites but i’m not a traditional person and I am not concerned with whether I should or shouldn’t so that is not what I am asking here.
I have had about three people two are family and one is the venue cordinator ask “Are you just asking for money as gifts or are you registered at a few places?”
Now I am registered and was planning on putting a card in the invites with the two registries on it. But I didn’t know we can make a preference when it comes to money. Now that seems a little way out there, even for me. And I am not one to worry about traditions or “should be’s”.
I’m a very honest person, I don’t care how something looks I tell it like it is and if someone don’t like it well then they don’t have to be around me or whatever the case may be. But “asking for money” just goes against my……pride, maybe.
But if someone is going to get us something and is choosing between money or a gift we would much rather have the money (at this point we are scraping pennys to pay for a very modest wedding).
But I am not sure how to let that preference be known to our guests.
I don’t want a debate of whether its tacky or not. I respect your opinion, respect mine, I am just looking for ideas of how you would voice that preference if there is anyway to actually do that without sounding as if I am asking for money.
Post # 3
Personally I don’t think there is any way to say you prefer money without it sounding like you are asking for money. Because you basically are asking for money. We had two traditional gift registries (one online) plus a suggested charity we support for people to donate to. And still I would say almost half our guests gave us money. So to me, there is no need to say you prefer money. Some people will think it looks rude, some people won’t, but at the end of the day the people who want to give you money will do it no matter what. You also don’t need to put registry or gift info in your invitations – word of mouth (and maybe a website if you have one?) should be sufficient. And your word of mouth people (e.g. your parents, bridal party) can be aware of your willingness to be given money so if someone says “is it ok if I just give them cash?”, they can be told, “yes that’s totally fine, they’d love that.”
Post # 4
If you would rather have cash, don’t register for anything. People who ask can be told ” we already have the things we need”. They will then likely give cash or a cheque.
Post # 5
Well, if you already have friends & family asking about whether you’d prefer money or gifts, personally, I would just leave the registries out of the invites. Then, if people continue to ask, you have the opportunity to say “We are saving money for X, so a contribution towards that would be appreciated, or we are registered at Y store”. That’s what I would do. I can’t think of any way to voice it otherwise that won’t offend.
Post # 6
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
If you would rather people gave you money, the WORST thing you could do would be to include the registries with your invitation.
Post # 7
There’s no way of doing this without being really, really rude. I would let your respective parents know, spread the desire through word of mouth, and don’t have a registry. People will get the hint.
Post # 8
there’s no good way to state your preference. i think people will give you what they feel comfortable or used to giving and will ignore any card you insert into your invitation. inserting a card might even backfire on you. i know you said you are not traditional and don’t care what people think but some of your guests might be rubbed the wrong way. if you were already planning on listing your registry info with the invites, you can word it something like this: “to support us on our special day, please consider donating to our ____ fund. Alternatively, we are registered at ____ and _____.
Another ways is to make a Registry & Gifts Insert card and list at the top “presentation preferred” and then lower on the card, list where you are registered. Listing presentation preferred on an invite is a discrete way of saying you prefer money but some people might not get it.
I know that some people will go buy an actual gift when they see that the couple prefer cash.
we haven’t gotten around to registering. when we first got engaged, my plan was to create a small registry for my western friends. my family is accustomed to giving cash so they wouldn’t even bother looking to see if we had a registry.
Post # 9
Ettiquette aside, if somebody included registry info in their invitations, I would assume they REALLY wanted physical gifts.
I think not including the information and having a limited registry is a better hint that you’re hoping for cash. Especially if people have to call you/your mom/your bridesmaids and they can tactfully say something like, “They’ve registered for a few items they really need/want at Macy’s, but are also saving up for X”.
Personally, I almost always gift cash, so I wouldn’t even bother trying to trackdown your registry info, and I think a lot of regular cash givers are the same way.
Post # 10
@profiterole: I would personally advise against the word “donation”. That’s pretty much the fastest way to convince me to keep my money in my own bank account, or “donate” to an actual charity in your name.
Post # 11
There is NO good way to say “money only”, so I made a registry of “upgrades”, then told my mom, who said “Oh, I’ve just been telling everyone you would want money and not a gift.” *facepalm*
Sooo there is no good way, but having a parent say “Well, they are starting off a life but already have a home, and even though they do have a registry with a few items, I know they’d prefer money since they are saving up for a ______(home/car/vacation/honeymoon/pot of million dollar coffee)” might be a good start…
Post # 12
If you have a wedding website you can post a poem about preferring money on it… they are cute and don’t come across as being as rude (at least i dont’ think so)
Here’s some, but i know there are some better ones out there! http://www.love-of-poems.com/wedding-poems-asking-for-money-as-gift.html
Post # 13
Thanks to everyone for offering real solutions instead of attacking the concept, it was a big help.
Post # 14
Please DON’T do a poem. Nothing sets me off more than a cutesy poem about asking for money.
Just don’t have a registry! People will figure it out 🙂
Post # 15
It’s funny that asking for money as a wedding gift is considered rude or tacky, but is usually the most common sense and useful gift a guest can give. It’s something everyone already knows, but no one wants to flat out admit it.
My fiance and I would prefer money over gifts and did not register anywhere. We do not need anything else; we have everything we need in terms of physical/material possessions, and we simply don’t have the space for anything else. We included the following on our wedding website:
While physical gifts would be nice, we share a tiny Brooklyn apartment that is already overflowing with household goods we accumulated when we joined forces. We’re not registered anywhere because we already have two coffeemakers and enough towels and sheets to build an awesome fort in our living room. In lieu of gifts, a monetary contribution towards our future is welcome.
The wording isn’t final but we are keeping it lighthearted (going with the theme of our wedding). I keep going back and forth about including the last sentence. We feel like the previous lines won’t be enough of a hint for guests, but we threw in the last line for people who just. don’t. get. it.
Post # 16
I would not be offended. And its your day. The people who know you will understand. Anyone else that wants to control how your wedding goes probably do not deserve to be there! Or they would be happy for you whatever you ask for. Here’s a nice short poem:
As many of you are travelling afar,
It may be hard to fit a gift in the car,
We don’t have a gift list, we don’t want presents,
All we ask of you all, is to give us your presence.
But if you wish to still give us a gift,
we’d love you giving our honeymoon fund a lift.