(Closed) Money issues and stress in the home.

posted 8 years ago in Married Life
Post # 3
5670 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I am not married yet, but I think this is just all of the stress building up. A new marriage can be extremely stressful with all of the changes nevermind with someone just losing their job. Stay in there and stick together and try to come up with a solutions. Things in life that are harder usually make us stronger. So use this as an opportunity to show what your relationship is really made of. Love each other and don’t blame each other and you should be able to get through this.

Post # 4
605 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2010 - Ritz-Carlton, Half Moon Bay

i’m not married yet, but i think people have these kinds of thoughts right after and before they marry someone? money is the #1 stressor for couples, and i think to a certain degree it’s completely understandable that you are feeling stressed, and that stress leads you to second-guess the marriage (stress just does that).

i would definitely keep talking about the money/job issue with him in an open, non-judgmental manner. part of it might be just admitting that you’re scared, and admitting to each other that you need some extra support and comfort from the other.

Post # 6
484 posts
Helper bee

Yes it can be stressful, especially when one of you is out of a job. We have both been looking for a job since the end of October with no luck. I managed to find a retail job where I make about $100 a week and thats it for our income. We live with my parents and there is no chance in the near furture we will be able to get our own place or start a family. And we are turning 30. We’re both depressed and miserable and as much as we try not to, we end up taking it out on each other. Its a really really awful way to begin a marriage. The way we are looking at it though is that if we can get through this, the rest of the marriage will be cake. Or at least we will be better equipped to handle anything life throws at us down the road as well. I think all marriages go through rough patches at one point or another. It just happens that for some of us the rough patch is right at the beginning. Hang in there.

Post # 7
631 posts
Busy bee

I’ve been married for over a year and I think it’s totally normal to go through an adjustment phase.  Good that you guys had a talk.  See where things go from here and don’t take any one day’s problems too seriously.  Good luck!  🙂

Post # 8
1508 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

Money’s hard. We’ve talked about it and basically agree on how to handle the money. It’s just hard for both of us to give up having total control. We were both independent for a long time. We are in our mid-thirties.

Post # 10
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I really think it is just the stress.  It must be so hard on him to not have a job and be trying to find one.  That is a real blow to a man’s self esteem.

Post # 11
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Money is difficult because when one does bring it in, like MissAsB said, its a huge blow to self-esteem (especially to guys), and issues of depression can easily follow that. 

I would just ask yourself if you see you guys working these issues out in the future. If you want to keep working through it, then it’s definitely just an adjustment period, and a common one at that. Getting through it is the hard part, but you’ll come out stronger than ever.

Also, as someone who’s been in the “not bringin’ home the bacon” category, I know that it helped so much when my husband wasn’t always on my case. I’m not at all saying that you’re nagging or anything, but maybe doing something nice for him (like getting his favorite takeout as a surprise on the cheap) and tell him that you love them and know he’s trying, would give him more confidence. Say that you know he’ll find something, and ask if there’s anything you can do to help. Sometimes just talking about it helps both people. 

For now, know that you married someone you love, and that sometimes rough patches are right at the beginning.

Post # 12
18643 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I agree with Miss Chapstick about not getting on his case.  I’m not working and it would be so much easier if I were but I can’t have my husband bugging me about it constantly because I already feel bad enough that we are so tight on money.

Post # 13
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2008

My husband was laid off 5 months after our wedding.  The best advice I ever got was to make him feel special and not ask questions on his job search.  Honestly going through that process together brought us closer.  If you can be the one who makes him feel like he is worth something even though he is unemployed it will do SO much more to help him than making him feel even worse (which I know you don’t intend to do!!)  Guys are SO sensitive to what we think of them.  Talk to us or your friends when you are frustrated, but try not to let him in to your resentment!

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