(Closed) Money issues coming between me and BF, need advice! (Long)

posted 7 years ago in Money
Post # 3
3680 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It sounds like she sees you as an open wallet. How much money have you lost in forfeited plane tickets?

Post # 4
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

She’s flakey and you know you can’t count on her.  You can either deal with having a flakey Boyfriend or Best Friend or find a new Boyfriend or Best Friend that follows through.  I am guessing that the two of you are under the age of 25 and honestly, younger people tend to be a bit flakey.  It also seems you may be maturing faster than her so therefore you are noticing the flakey behavior more.  She may grow out of it or she may stay flakey and unreliable.  That said, I wouldn’t be counting on her for anything important.

Post # 5
1812 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013 - Pavilion overlooking golf course scenery, reception at banquet hall

It’s fine to like her as a person, but I’d stop buying things for her. That seems to be the only problem that has cropped up, so you are directly in control of removing that issue. Just tell her that she’s always welcome to crash on your couch if she’s in the country, but don’t actually buy anything for her again.

Post # 8
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
@beachbride1216:  +1.

You can still be friends with your Boyfriend or Best Friend, but you might need to lower your expectations even more than you already have. She seems to never follow through with her commitments, so just remember that in the future and plan for her to be flakey. I would also stop comitting to her plans with your money, she seems to have very little respect for you since she easily cancels on you knowing that you will lose out on prepaid deposits.

Post # 9
3460 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Don’t buy things anymore for her – or if you do, only buy refundable things. Avoid money topics.  And – try to help out by cooking at home, etc. when she visits (go to pubs afterwards perhaps).

Post # 11
2297 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

i’d calmly point out to her that you’ve generously spent 600 gbp in tickets, and not held it over her head etc, looked into options for london for her and her husband, and that it is not fair to claim that you are somehow unfair to her financial position. 

if she couldn’t have afforded the resort, she should have told you. period. or looked into coming just for the night, whatever – she had options available to her other than simply lying and hoping you wouldn’t find out. 

at this point, you need to stop simply paying for everything. i’m a law student (few funds) and even i can afford (or would find a way to afford) a simple party for a friend IF i had offered to do so. she shouldn’t have offered if she couldn’t swing it – and really – she couldn’t have conributed anything? the situation would have been very different if she’d bought sodas, finger foods etc and asked for help on the wine – she clearly wants you to pick up the tab. 

Post # 13
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@RipleyC:  Ugh, money and friends never mix.  I think maybe what ends up happening is that she accepts your offer because she genuinely wants to come, but then backs out because she’s ashamed of her financial situation and doesn’t want to admit it up front.   Of course she could just say from the beginning but people always behave differently than what we consider is right.  I know she is your Boyfriend or Best Friend but sometimes it’s time for a friendship to drift apart due to an irreconcilable difference or negative personality trait.

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