Post # 1
I make more than my SO. Not by leaps and bounds, but I’m still the primary earner. I bought a house this summer and I’ve been the one dropping all the big bucks on new furniture, buying groceries, I pay for most of the bills. Yet, I swear to God, this guy makes comments about things being expensive, saving money, etc, weekly, if not every couple days. We’re going on a Bahamas cruise in a couple weeks, but get this, we got a refund on our closing costs (apparently we paid too much) and that is covering most of our trip.
If anything, he’s been saving money over the last 6 months. I’m really not sure where his concern is coming from. Granted, before the house we lived in a 900 sq/ft apartment with one other roommate and a cat. So, yeah, things were cheap…not to mention crowded. But what we are paying now for the home is what we would have been paying for a properly sized apartment in the area we currently live in, and it’s certainly less than what he was paying with his last roommate (before he lived with me).
I mean. I’m not making guesses. I’ve actually seen his ATM receipts. The guy is literally saving money. And as I’m typing I’m thinking I’m just gonna ask what’s going on next time he brings it up.
So, I have 3 theories. 1. He’s lost his mind. 2. He was spoiled by paying almost nothing when we lived in a shoe box. 3. He’s trying to make good on his promise 6 months ago that we’d be getting engaged anywhere from 6 months to a year from that date. Yikes. Another epiphany as I type. Technically he gave himself up to a year. I mean, he’s already 6 months down. Wow…I never did the math till today. Anyways…
To wrap this up. Is financial paranoia a natural stage in the oh-my-god-i’m-about-to-blow-a-bunch-dough-on-an-engagement-ring-soon male panic cycle? OR do you think he’s just being weird?
Post # 3
I don’t think you are being weird at all. I think he is saving up for your ring and thinks everything is expensive since he’s trying to save every penny he can. It’s great to hear he is saving up (hopefully for a ring!) and I hope we get to see your proposal story very soon. Fingers crossed!
Post # 4
@wishingonadream04: Thanks 🙂
I just looked back at my old threads to double check on that timeline. Apparently he said 6 months to 2 years, not 1. So I guess it could be anywhere from 6 months to 1 1/2 years from now. Though, my initial issue with that was that it would put him past my 3 year comfort zone. So I guess I can’t really factor the timeline in…I think.
But a few weeks back he came back after hanging out with friends late that night, thought I was asleep, and was playing with my ring finger. That’s only really significant cause he had never touched it before. And a couple nights ago I asked him to wake me up when he got off work so we could talk. Instead of just turning the lights on, or shaking me, or making noise till I woke up (I sleep like I’m in a coma) he kneeled by the bed and gently woke me. But then he wouldn’t get up. I was still in a haze but he was down there so long I had to ask, “Why are you still on the floor? Sit down so I can talk to you.” It didn’t seem to weird till the next day when I thought about it.
Post # 5
hmmmmm I am not sure but I hope it is a good sign (he is focused on money for the ring).
Post # 6
Hopefully he is saving for a ring or he might just be in shock on how much it costs to live in a house. My Fiance never cared about money or saving it untill he bought a truck and a boat. That’s when he actually started using the word save. LOL. I’ve alway been saying that. Either way it’s a good idea to start saving now for the wedding. I wish I would have saved more and then I would not be so stressed over the money. Oh well. Live and learn.
Post # 7
@desertgirl: I hope so too. I would agree with the “him being shocked by house expenses” thing if it weren’t for the fact that I pay more…for everything. I take home almost 25% more than he does and we worked out our expenses so that I’m paying 25% more of the expenses. He’s literally paying within $50 of what he was paying for total expenses when we lived in the apartment. Only now he’s at a new job making 10K more a year.
I was meaning to ask him about it last night but it slipped my mind. 🙂 Kicking myself now. I’ve made the joke that he needs to kick his gambling and porn habit and maybe he’d have more money (neither things he actually does), in the hopes he’d say something in response. No go. So, waiting to see him again to make sure everything is ok. We’re very open about our expenses and I pay more and he’s never been this openly panicky.
I mean, if it really is about the ring I kinda feel bad, and frustrated. I’ve given him cheap options, I’ve offered to pay for half, I always make sure I’m paying for day to day things so he doesn’t feel strapped, he’s making more now, he’s always had a lot put away in savings…there’s no reason this should be this stressful, if this is what it is. Who knows. I wish he wasn’t working today so I could ask