(Closed) Money & Mother Problems

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
10368 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My mom did this too – we actually went to therapy over the issue (i’m almost 30 now and it happened while I was in college ages 19-21). The best thing I did was get her to admit, in a safe space, that she was desperate and needed the money. She was too ashamed to ask, so she played the “mom” card and guilted me about how much I owed her about her sacrifices over the years. Her and my dad were going through a really awful divorce at the time, and I had no idea how little she was left with, financially. She was too humiliated to admit to me why she needed the money.

Do you think there are any reasons you don’t know about why your mom might be acting like this? Anything deeper going on?

Post # 5
Member
1691 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

@wouldyoukindlyy:  whoa, so she had the balls to ask you for a boob job but stole from your college fund?  I’d be asking for the money.  That is ridiculous.

 

Post # 7
Member
2300 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

@wouldyoukindlyy:  ‘mom we need to talk about the 4.5k you took from my college loan. it will need to start being paid back on x date. what are your plans for paying it back? what sort of payment plan can you afford?’ 

then let her freak out. stay calm.

‘okay, i understand that you don’t have the money. the issue is that i don’t either – and i will not be taking responsibility for it. i have a meeting with the loan advisor and i’m going to let him know the actual amount that was used for tuition. I will give him your phone number and he will contact you so you can work something out with him.’

let her freak out more. then remind her that she’s had 3 years to put away money to pay it back, that her breast augmentation was not a necessity and that you will not be paying the 4.5k back. PERIOD. 

then i’d actually do that. she is an adult who makes bad decisions, no chance i would take the consequences. 

oh – and call the bank and ensure that she does not have access to any of your accounts – if she is a cosigner ask them to put a condition that she needs your signature to remove any money. 

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