(Closed) Money On The Side…Ok or Not?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is Money On the Side A Good Idea? (Check all that apply)
    Money on the side is smart! (but Spouse MUST know about it, even if they don't know how much) : (136 votes)
    35 %
    Money on the side is smart! (Spouse should NOT know about it) : (15 votes)
    4 %
    I am married and I have money on the side. (Spouse knows) : (50 votes)
    13 %
    I am married and I have money on the side. (Spouse does NOT know) : (4 votes)
    1 %
    I am married and do not have money on the side but I think its a smart idea. : (10 votes)
    3 %
    Money on the side is selfish. : (22 votes)
    6 %
    Money on the side is unecessary. : (37 votes)
    10 %
    I am married and do not and will never have money on the side. : (27 votes)
    7 %
    I am not married yet but when I do, I'm having money on the side. (SO/FI knows this) : (86 votes)
    22 %
  • Post # 3
    14976 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    We added each others names to all our savings/checkings.  He has an account on the side, that he does call “ours”, but he opened it and it’s actually only in his name.  People probably wouldn’t think that’s a good idea, but it doesnt bother me.  I still have my own investment account/savings, that I just never added his name to.  We know about all of each others accounts and exactly how much is in them. It’s all in our mint.com info.  And i know he’s not splitting any money off secretly, cause his whole paycheck goes into our joint checking, then he makes auto transfers out of there to the savings and his personal investment account.

    Post # 4
    522 posts
    Busy bee

    We haven’t pooled our assets yet as we are still only dating but eventually after we marry we will probably have a joint account that goes towards bills and things that we will both share (a vacation together etc) and each have our own accounts for our own thing.

    His account he can use towards buying his fancy beers and I can use mine towards whatever I want. Obviously we’ll have to iron out the details later but right now that seems like the best bet.

    Post # 5
    13095 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Money on the side is 100% unacceptable in my marriage.  We share all of our money 100% and both have access to every penny.  I would refuse to have it any other way.

    Post # 6
    5950 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: April 2018

    I’m not his accountant, I don’t care…..which is probably why he feels absolutley no reason to hide his purchases or money decisions from me anyway….

    Post # 7
    535 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    My mom was constantly opening accounts to save up for various things. (plus she liked opening accounts when they were giving away free merchandise-I got a nice crock pot, heavy duty duffel bag and set of dishes for Christmas gifts.)


    Right now we have separate accounts, but have planned to open a joint one for household bills. Then our separate accounts will be for our personal spending.  It makes more sense to me, this way we’re less likely to overdraw. We have our own money to spend however we wish, and don’t have to check in before filling up the gas tank (considering we get paid on similar schedules,  some months we’re swapping money between us just to get by until payday.


    Post # 8
    129 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    I think money on the side is smart…. and that it’s not really the spouse’s business. I don’t think the spouse NEEDS to know about it, and I don’t think it needs to be kept from him/her either. Personal preference, I guess. 

    Post # 9
    10649 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    We see everything as joint, but in reality we don’t (and legally can’t in some cases) have both names on everything.  I don’t know what we will end up doing later on, as right now we have our TFSAs holding a large % as just cash and not investments.  Those will be pretty drained after buying a house.

    Post # 10
    4522 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    @Nona99:  +1 That’s how I feel. I have my own money to worry about.

    @FEDORAble:  That’s our plan as well.

    Post # 11
    10363 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2010

    Unless you have a prenup, it doesn’t matter where the money is in most states – it is considered joint property. It would actually be against the law to hide the funds in the event of a divorce.

    I don’t see why this would be necessary in a healthy marriage, anyway.

    Post # 12
    3355 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    my parents are like this – my mom has an account my dad knows about but has no access to and has no idea how much is in it. My mom says it’s “money for a rainy day” but I don’t get why it can’t be out of a joint account with my dad. My dad actually advises me to put money on the side away from Darling Husband.

    I don’t like that. I won’t do it. I also personally don’t understand the “my money to spend how I like”, because I’m able to do that anyway with the joint account and connected credit cards (each in our own name).

    Post # 13
    2375 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: June 2014

    While we have shared accounts and expenses, we both have our own accounts to do with as we please.  And yes, it’s absolutely necessary for other person to know that it exists.  Hiding money is a usually a bad sign in a relationship.

    Post # 14
    9681 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper

    @Happy Hopeful Bee:  I think it depends on the couple. Whatever they agree to together is what should be done. If you agree to all joint accounts, then an account on the side doesn’t seem appropriate. However, if your joint account is just for bills, or you divide bills up in another way, then I see no problem with it all. As long as people are honest 🙂

    Post # 15
    8439 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I have money on the side, but my husband knows about it.  I’ve had the account ever since I was a kid (originally my college fund) so I wasn’t going to get rid of it, but it acts more like our secondary emergency fund.  I would never hide money away from my husband unless it was for a surprise gift for him or something.  It’s always been my theory that if you can’t fully trust the person you’re marrying, why marry them?

    Post # 16
    3051 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2015

    I think whether it’s ok or not depends on the couple. I have money on the side that I’ve saved up that my SO doesn’t know about. 99% of it was there before she came along and most of it also happens to be from student loans…so I don’t necessarily feel like I really have it because I haven’t decided if I’m gonna use half of it or more to pay off my student loans when they come due.

    I haven’t told her about it because I don’t tell anyone. And then next thing I knew, we were super serious & I hadn’t told her and she still didn’t know. Now, I just don’t think I’m going to bring it up until I decide what I would like to do with it. Then I’ll tell her about it and tell her what I think I want to do with it and see if she agrees or thinks it should be used for something else/still saved. She also had almost as much money in an account that I didn’t know about for quite a while so I don’t really think I’m doing anything wrong.

    We haven’t combined finances even though we look at things as “ours”…to me this money is “ours” as well. I look at my money as our 6 months emergency savings and her savings as wedding/honeymoon/vacation money and future down payment on a house money. I think I worry we won’t be as budget conscious if we acknowledge that the money I have is there…right now it basically doesn’t exist to me and it’s not even somewhere I have easy access to it.

    ETA: If I haven’t brought it up before, I’ll bring it up when we get engaged. Once we’re engaged I definitely don’t want any secrets. This is the only one I have, I’m an open book otherwise so I’ll make sure there’s no secrets then

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