(Closed) Money On The Side…Ok or Not?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Is Money On the Side A Good Idea? (Check all that apply)

    Money on the side is smart! (but Spouse MUST know about it, even if they don't know how much)

    Money on the side is smart! (Spouse should NOT know about it)

    I am married and I have money on the side. (Spouse knows)

    I am married and I have money on the side. (Spouse does NOT know)

    I am married and do not have money on the side but I think its a smart idea.

    Money on the side is selfish.

    Money on the side is unecessary.

    I am married and do not and will never have money on the side.

    I am not married yet but when I do, I'm having money on the side. (SO/FI knows this)

  • Post # 47
    Member
    205 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    Oh I thought you meant “money on the side” as in cash hidden under the floorboards. I think I will be opening one of those accounts…

    Post # 48
    Member
    885 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: July 2009

    @Happy Hopeful Bee:  

     

    I think it is OK to have money on the side if that’s what you think you should do.  I, however, do not have money on the side or a pre-nup or any of that stuff.  All our accounts are joined and have so been since we got married four years ago.  I do not have “play” money.  I just buy whatever I need to buy and so does he.  We are both very frugal, so it’s never been an issue how much we spend or in what.  

    Post # 49
    Member
    3637 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2015

    View original reply
    @BlondeMissMolly:  I didn’t know there was an update! The last thread I was on was closed. I’ll have to go digging now. Thank you for the heads up!

    Post # 50
    Member
    535 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    For those who have said having a side account is planning for the relationship to go bad, here’s a different version of things going “bad”. When mom died, some glitch in their banking system caused dad to be blocked from the account. For some reason it went into probate when they were notified of her death. He had to go several weeks without access, and of he hadn’t had credit cards he wouldn’t have been able to pay bills or buy groceries.  That was enough to convince me that having a separate account is prudent, especially since I don’t have any credit cards. If we had one account and I got blocked, I’d be screwed.

    Post # 51
    Member
    1540 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    This was a huge issue for my mom. My dad is very stingy with money and didn’t want my mom buying anything expensive, even though she made the same amount as him. She didn’t have a say in how she could spend her money

    I think it’s healthy to have your own money where you can do what you wish with, and a mutual account for everything else.

    I have been living with my SO, and have seperate accounts, but buy most of our things mutually. Once we get married, we will probably merge a lot of those things, but keep some things seperate.

    My SO is a huge computer nerd. If we shared a bank account and he bought an expensive computer out of our account, I’d be bothered by it. If I bought expensive shoes, he would probably be pissed about it. This way, we can chose to buy what we want with our own savings, without it affecting eachother.

    Post # 52
    Member
    2807 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2014

    we will have a joint account for both checking and savings, and then we will each have separate personal checking and savings accounts. it’s got nothing to do with “this is my money, you can’t have it”, it’s mostly for personal costs- his computer game subscriptions, my craft supplies, you know, our “fun money”.

    my parents have joint accounts, and they both have personal accounts as well. my grandparents did this as well. his parents also have this same system. i feel that it’s a perfectly acceptable thing to do, and that’s why we’re planning for it.

    plus, i hate his bank choices. so there’s that.

    Post # 53
    Member
    1247 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: April 2014

    Whatever works for the couple, provided it’s all out in the open. All our money is in joint accounts now so we both have complete access. Our agreement is that big purchases (like over $200) either of us want to make are discussed prior but we’re free, within reason and with agreed financial goals in mind, to spend as we wish.

    I’m not a fan of secret accounts. I know some people have witnessed family members be abused and need money to get out of that situation but where is the line drawn? Do you keep the secret account for the life of the marriage or does there come a time where you feel you know your husband well enough to say he isn’t going to become an abuser? Is that money spent on other stuff that you don’t want your husband to know about or purely there for emergencies? I know that I would not be cool if my FI/husband had a secret account in case I ended up being an abuser or thought I would tie up all the accounts if we split up.

    Post # 54
    Member
    95 posts
    Worker bee

    I think it really depends on what you mean as money on the side. Some people here are taking it to even mean everyday spending accounts in individual names. I take it that you mean larger sums than that though. I think it all depends on the purpose and origin of the funds. If its say prior money that you will pass on to future generations, then sure keep it separate from your couples accounts. if however you’re accumulating money on the side DURING the relationship and keeping it secret and separate, especially if as per other thread you’re saving together for housing/wedding etc funds then yeah, I have a problem with that.

    Post # 56
    Member
    2639 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: April 2014 - Italian Villa

    @Happy Hopeful Bee:  I have always thought this is a smart idea, and that this can save us some fights/headaches over buying silly things. If I want to blow $200 on a pair of shoes, or if Fiance wants to spend money on a new video game, it’s easier to have some separate spending money and not have to run these things by each other. Also, seeing a credit card statement could be a giveaway for a surprise like a birthday present. That would suck!

    That being said, the majority of our money will be in joint accounts, and the majority of our purchases will be joint. Separate accounts are just for silly things.

    Post # 57
    Member
    2532 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    View original reply
    @just_deal_with_it:  I know it is “our money” but I personally don’t feel comfortable spending the part of it he has earned on “frivolous” items for myself, that is not why he works. He works to save up for things for the house, mortgage etc. not so I can buy a new pair of shoes every month (I don’todo that by the way!) I guess it’s because Ive seen my parents do this…my dad earned quite a lot of money, my mum not so much and she just shopped and bought lots of stuff – it works for them but it doesn’t sit comfortably with me. 

    We will both contribute to joint things like food, bills etc but we will also each have our own money for things that are important to us that the other may not care so much about. 

    Children is different, they will be ours so money spent on them would probably come out of the joint account. 

    Post # 58
    Member
    4655 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    We are not joining bank accounts at all. So… it’s all on the side I guess. But as PP said, the only important thing is that everyone is on the same page about what’s happening with money WHEN YOU ARE MARRIED.

    Before you’re married, I don’t think anyone is entitled to that information unless you’re buying something big together or have some other reason. You can certainly elect to share, but I don’t think a couple that isn’t engaged/married is required to share that info until they want to get married, at which point it all must come out and be decided upon together.

    Post # 59
    Member
    854 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    Coming from someone who had to leave their ex husband under the table for safety/abuse reasons, I vote for having money on the side is necessary.  If I didn’t have it my ex husband would have drained me dry and left me with nothing – I was the one working, he wasn’t.  

    Me and my husband to be will have our separate accounts and one for bills/expenses, and a shared savings for our goals. 

     

    Post # 61
    Member
    272 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2013

    We’re merging everything once we’re married, but  I still want o have my own account too. I guess I’m falling into the “I want to have my own money” group. 

    My reasoning for having my own account is that I will NOT spend money that I don’t perceive as mine if I can help it. Example, when I started college my mother was attached to my bank account and had it hooked up to where she deposited $50 each week as a allowance of sorts. 15 weeks later when I came home for winter break I had almost $700 in my account. For serious. 

    With my own account I would feel more comfortable spending money on myself. Like if I see a dress I like or if I want to pamper myself and such. Now I don’t plan on hording my money, for at least the next 2 years I’m going to be the bread winner, but it would be nice to have an account that has a small percent of my earning in it so I can buy things guilt free. 

     

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