Post # 62
Our money will be separate for the most part. His paycheck goes directly to his account, my paycheck goes directly to my account. There are certain bills he’ll be responsible for paying and certain bills I’ll be responsible for paying. We are both responsible and good at paying our bills so for us there is really no need to open a joint account just to “see and manage household bills” when we already have bank accounts set up. We already have financial transparency and full disclosure in our relationship, we each know what the other makes and how much each is paid each payperiod. We trust each other to pay their assigned household bills on time. We’ll have a joint savings account and we will each contribute an agreed amount to it from each paycheck. We will probably also add each other to our accounts as a benefactor, I just thought about that!
This is the way that *I* wanted it, and he readily agreed because he had a really bad experience with this in the past.
I personally don’t see anything wrong with having a separate account just for you. I agree with PPs who said joining accounts and seeing every single purchase the other person makes can start fights or create tension especially if your spending habits differ greatly. He buys things all the time that I might consider frivolous or unecessary, he is quicker to spend money than I am BUT if he has left over money each month after paying bills and saving and it makes him happy to buy those items I want him to have the liberty to do so and vice versa.
Even though our money will be separate it will still all be considered OUR money if he needed money for something he is absolutely welcome to the money in my account and vice versa, we have that understanding.
FWIW my parents have one account together and the rest separate and their household set up is similar to what we will have, they both have incomes and they are each responsible for certain bills.
The bottom line I guess is that each couple handles finances differently and as long as your method works for both of you then great!
Post # 63
DH and I have our own accounts. We have a joint account into which we pay the same amount each month. That money goes to our joint savings and to pay household bills etc.
Neither of us want to fully intergrate our money – mainly because it is our own money and we can do with it what we want. simples.
Post # 64
Oh, that makes a lot of sense, actually. I agree that spending frivolous $ should be within your means as an individual or couple and that it is much more important to save $ for big things, such as buying a house.
Post # 65
As long as you’re not hiding money, I think it’s okay to have cash on the side. As long as you’re open about it, I don’t see the harm.
Post # 66
I don’t understand the point of separate accounts except in the case a PP poster mentioned – one joint account for bills and individual accounts for fun stuff, assuming both people are cool with that and use the system to avoid fights about spending.
In my case, SO and I are unmarried but have had joint checking/savings for 5+ years. Finances are a source of stress, but never a source of fights. We talk about all purchases and ask each other’s permission, even though that permission is usually just a formality. I am the primary money handler, and I make sure to give SO a breakdown of what we have and what is coming out every week.
Post # 67
Long time lurker, first time poster…I felt this was an important topic to get started talking abou on here.
I believe that you SHOULD have an extra savings account that no one knows about, except you. My grandma grew up during the Great Depression. Her father left her family, and took all their money with him. My grandma grew up penniless, and homeless, because her mom had no money, and no way of supporting her family.
Because of this experience, when my grandma got married, she kept her own secret bank account and savings account. She taught this to my mom and me, as well. I think it is important to have “just enough” saved away. If you never need to use it, that’s great, but in the unforseeable event that you do, it’s a really good thing to have.
My mom also put away 10-15 dollars every few weeks in a savings account for each of her kids, as a small “nest egg” when we were starting out. I know I appreciated this when I was older and paying for grad school, so I plan to do the same thing for my own children when I have them.
Post # 68
My parents have a joint account plus their own, separate accounts. It’s no big deal, really. It’s not like they’re hiding the money from each other and skimping on paying bills and such. If one earns it, they should at least keep a bit for themselves if they can afford it. I don’t think that’s shady at all.
If your spouse is hiding anything from you, you have far, far bigger issues than bank accounts. It’s like blaming Facebook if your spouse cheats.
Post # 69
Why is there a need to keep it secret? I would be very upset if I found out DH was keeping an account secret from me, so I don’t do it to him.
Post # 70
I may get flamed for this BUT you kinda got me thinking….To be honest I kinda understand this. And I have actually heard this concept mentioned before by other women.
If you have seen the movie Jumping The Broom this actually happened the husband made some bad business investments and they were really broke and guess what when he finally confessed their bad financial standing to the wife, she had “money on the side” and used it to get her family out of financial issues and keep them afloat. She used her money on the side for them. The husband wasn’t even mad, he was relieved.
I really think even if you have money on the side it just depends on HOW you think about this money that’s on the side (whether you still consider it yours OR ours).
Maybe some people may feel the need to keep some money on the side because their SO/FI/DH would suggest to them putting the money somewhere they rather not or spending it in ways that they rather not because they would rather save it for emergencies/rainy day. And I can actually understand that…not saying its right/wrong just saying I understand it.
I know a lot of bees think hiding money is bad and to some extent I do agree, deceit and dishonesty is always bad BUT to me with this you have to consider the intent for doing so too.
Money is usually earmarked for something. There is “money for expenses” “savings” for shared goals and “retirment money” it’s not such a bad idea to have “extra” on the side for who knows what…. To me this would be like a second savings/emergency fund, because it’s NOT money for us to spend lavishly on vacations and such, this is like one of us lost our job and WE need financial help money, so we use “the money on the side” and the rest of our other monies is still safe and untouched.
Of course if you practiced this concept and kept secret money on the side and the marriage failed you could use this money for your own benefits if you needed to get out of a dangerous marriage fast or if your spouse left you and your kids high and dry etc. BUT just the same the secret money can be used to benefit both of you while in your marriage EVEN if the other party knows nothing about it. It just depends on where your heart and your mind are and how you view the secret money and what its really for. I absolutely would not recommend this type of thing for everyone though, some people would not handle this well EVEN if you pulled it out in a time of need to “help your spouse/family”. I think you really have to know your spouse with this one.
And FWIW I totally understand the need to combine finances and assets in a marriage for protection purposes because so many laws are different by state and even by country, so sensibly depending on your state combining is necessary, I get that, but I still see and understand the other side too.
I realize this is NOT a popular opinion on the bee…but money is complicated and there are so many ways to look at it…so to each their own money and their own opinion.
Post # 71
- Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas
We have a joint account, but we also have our own. He doesn’t need to have a hand in my Forever 21 bill, and I don’t need to be buying his soccer shoes. Vacations, food, household bills…we pay those together and it works out.
Post # 72
Fiance and I both have separate saving and chequing accounts right now. I do have one account he knows about but doesn’t know how much is in it.
We just got engaged, but we do not live together yet, so we figure we do not need to combine any assets at the moment. We agreed and have talked about this many times, when we move in together next summer, we will have one combined chequing account for bills, and separate savings accounts. We also do not bank with the same financial institution.
As long as we both contribute to bills, have some savings for our future, and he at least tells me when he makes a big purchase, I don’t need to have access to his money.