(Closed) money problems during marriage

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I’m so sorry you’re going through this stressful time right now. I just wanted to commiserate and say that this crappy period in your life WILL pass. This won’t be permanent. I know it sucks now and it may seem like there’s no hope, but no bad situation in life is permanent.

I’m going through something similar right now. My Fiance recently lost his job and has decided to go back to school since applying to even entry level positions gets him nothing (no email/call for an interview, nada). Nowadays it seems like a college degree isn’t good enough; employers expect you to have experience before they’ll even consider hiring you for their crappy $11/hour jobs. In the meantime, he wants to get some kind of job to help pay for school and pay the bills but he’s becoming increasingly down about the lack of good job offerings and never getting so much as an interview. He hasn’t even heard back about the retail positions he’s applied for! I feel awful for him and am also incredibly stressed out about how we’re going to pay our bills for the next two years while he’s in school. Some days are worse than others, but I’m trying to hold out hope that something will work out for us.

As for no alone time, what about going to a local park and hanging out reading a book or going for a walk? Go to Barnes & Noble and camp out in a chair flipping through magazines. Window shop at the mall. Check your local paper for free events and go alone or with a friend. See if you can talk a friend into hosting a cookie party where a group of you show up with different baked goods to share. Or just talk to your husband about your need for alone time and see if he has any solutions, maybe something where he can go hang out with friends occasionally. I hope you figure something out!

Post # 3
Member
8957 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

myweddingbee:  I’m sorry you’re going through a rough time. I was unemployed for a while and it is hard on the unemployed person and the spouse. When you say he’s looking day and night though — is he actually sending out resumes, applying, and going for interviews? The job market isn’t the shithole it was a few years ago. My kids and their friends (16-20 yrs old) were all able to find jobs. Even a fairly low-paying job can bring in $500 a month — more if the pay is a little higher or they work more hours. Plus it would get him out of the house and active. My husband’s job was up for elimination and he was ready to put in apps to stock shelves for Lowes and Home Depot. It would have been a big paycut and maybe a little humbling, but if it put money in the bank, he was willling to do it. Has your husband tried these kinds of jobs while waiting for something more suitable to come along? If he’s only looking at jobs that are the same pay-level and “prestige” as his former one, he could be unemployed for a long time.

Post # 4
Member
1980 posts
Buzzing bee

Sorry you’re in this predicament, bee.

Why did your husband shut down the business? Did he talk to you beforehand? What did he expect to happen once he shut it down? What does he want to do for income? Did he have a plan? Did you agree to it?  Is he unhappy or depressed? Was it a rash decision? Did/do you have a nest egg for emergencies like this?

If he did all this without your knowledge, then that is a massive breach of trust and obviously not well planned out. If you did talk about it and agree to it, what happened? Why is everything put on you? Why can you not talk to him about it? You shouldn’t have to weather this alone.

I think it’s hard to advise a plan without the details. I’d hate to see a person leave their marriage after only a year. Hopefully you can weather this together, as a team.

Post # 5
Member
14976 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

If he’s trying and really looking day and night for a new job, honestly, can you fault him for not trying even if it is a little tight for a bit?  Can he do *anything* to bring in some cash?  Temp job?  Random help work?  Anything at all to help out a little financially?  Are you guys going into debt now because of his lack of income?  Do you have a house or can you move to a cheaper apt, cut any expenses? 

Post # 6
Member
1883 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

myweddingbee:  has your husband considered taking a retail or server job while he looks for something in his field? Sorry if he’s already tried that. Back in the day, when my husband first graduated from college, it took him several months to find a job in his field, and he waited tables at a local pub to bring in a little extra income. The money wasn’t great but it got him out of the house and helped with his morale a whole lot. 

Post # 7
Member
918 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I’m also curious as to the justification behind closing the family business.  

Remember that any job is better than no job and sometimes even temp jobs can lead to something better.  Case in point:  My husband signed on with a temp agency to work at a manufacturing company making hoses for $8.50/hr.  The hose company likes him so much, they hired him full time at $15/hr.  

Post # 8
Member
3470 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

Have you talked to him about how being the sole provider is making you feel? 

I know you said he helps around the house, but I’m of the mind that if he’s at home all day (and doesn’t have kids to care for) the house should be spotless and he should be cooking dinner every day.  

If he really is trying as hard as he can to find a job and still can’t then the next step is to work on cutting your living expenses down to help relieve some of your stress.  

Post # 9
Member
1308 posts
Bumble bee

You say in your first paragraph that he is looking day and night, then the next paragraph you basically say he is kind of lazy.

If he can’t find anything like tomorrow, he needs to start doing whatever he can to bring in the bacon.  Delivering pizzas, bussing tables at restaurants, painting houses, mowing lawns (many of which can actually pay great money if he does his own thing).  

What was his business?  Does he have a degree?  Degreed people with entrepreneurial experience are pretty great commodities.  

I won’t diagnose your husband, but why did he decide to shut down his business?  If he didn’t consult you about the monetary impact on your family, I’d be rightfully mega pissed off.  He needs to have a back up plan (see above, even if it’s delivering pizzas until he finds something else) before he completely abandons ship.  Do you think he might be depressed?

I wouldn’t stand for it if Fiance quit his job without consulting me and we made sure we could sustain.  It’s quite awful your husband closed his business without having a plan for you guys.

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