(Closed) MONEY Talk / Joint? Seperate? both? Mature Couple.

posted 6 years ago in Money
Post # 3
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

It seems to me that your Fiance is an old tradition man and does feel uncomfortable havign everything seperately. But since he had burned himself previously he is very careful to trust his finances again so yes I guess he at least want an illusion of sharing life/finances together.

Me personaly,I believe if you trust person enough to marry them you should trust them enough with your money. You trust you heart and life to someone when you get married, you are not afraid they will break it? If you share your life you should share everything that goes with it including your finances.

Post # 4
Member
869 posts
Busy bee

Well congratulations on getting married! Pre-nup! What are your state’s laws regarding marital property? If you have joint assets (bank account) would you be liable for any claims his ex-wife could make on those assets? For example, where I live, my friend is divorced. Her final division of assets states that she and the her ex are both responsible for 50% of their children’s college tuitions.  When she re-married, she had to pre-nup to prevent her new husband’s assets from becoming “marital assets” so that god forbid in the event that she died before her kids got through college, her ex husband could not go after her estate AND her new husband’s assets (anything that he acquired after their marriage date) because it would be considered “marital property”. In our state, even if you have separate finances but you deposit money into an account where both of your names are on the account, the money becomes “marital property”. For this reason they pre-nuped so that nothing is marital property, they have completely separate finances. She is totally for completely separate finances anyway because she has been financially independent and they both have significant assets. 

Please, please seek legal advice for your state, it will be the best $250 you ever spend to fully understand all possibilities before they happen! Best wishes To you!

Post # 6
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Whatever else you decide to do with the majority of your money …

if your husband really wants you to have a joint account, even if it’s mostly for “symbolic” value, maybe make that your “fun money account.” Pay into it and then use that money for date nights, vacations, etc? Make that money that you use to appreciate one another as romantic partners.

Post # 7
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@CarrieGyrl:  I just expressed my own,personal beliefs. I did not suggest that everyone has to do it! It just the way I believe!

 

As for your fiance I just said he is probably used to sharing life and finances and now is careful as you are, however he still wants that illusion of sharing all of life aspects. 

 

 

Post # 10
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee

@CarrieGyrl:  I wonder if you could make some suggestions in order to help guide his plan to be something that works for you both. Since he wants to move in the direction of opening up a joint account, perhaps you could each put in $100 or $200 per month, and you both use that joint account to buy groceries? That might be a first step toward combining household expenses and feeling less like ‘roomates’ or ‘owner/tenant’. Most of your finances could still be separate (understandable, since you each have your own financial obligations, and since you sound like you are used to making your own financial decisions with discretionary income)… but some sort of joint account and joing spending might help build trust and open the lines of communication with regard to money. Good luck!

Post # 11
Member
11271 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@KLMN:  i’m not sure how you are going to feel about this but the first thing i thought of was pre-nup.  you have done so much for yourself and it would be wise to protect it.   it’s not that you don’t trust him or think anything will ever happen, it’s just better at this stage to keep what’s yours secure, especially in his situation.  it really does protect both of you. 

congrats btw, i was a mature encore bride too.

Post # 12
Member
3697 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah, if nothing else, it can be movies-and-popcorn money or something.

Post # 16
Member
35 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@CarrieGyrl:  Well It could be that he is afarid you will look at him like he is about to rob you. If guy close to having nothing now I dont think there is anything he is worried to lose at this point. 

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