(Closed) Monkey wrench in planning

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
46641 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Many military couples have two ceremonies for similar financial reasons- to get the wife on benefits etc.

I don’t see why your vows would be any less meaningful at the second ceremony.

You could have a more standard ceremony the first time, then do your perosnal vows to each other at the second ceremony.

Post # 4
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

If a ceremony in front of family and friends is important to you then you need to make sure he knows that and you need be sure it’s something you aren’t willing to compromise on.

Since the marriage issue currently at stake is for you to qualify for retirement benefits then I think it is smart and responsible of him to have found that out before retiring.  I do not see anything wrong with going to the courthouse or Justice of the Peace to get the legal part over so you will qualify for benefits so long as he understands you still want a commitment ceremony in front of your family in a few months time.  It would be silly to miss out on those benefits.

I personally did not want my second marriage to have a big ceremony in front of friends and family.  I really wanted to elope somewhere and enjoy our honeymoon but my FH wanted the big wedding so I compromised.  I am happy that he is happy and he agreed to tone down the BIG wedding a bit to an intimate, 50 person, casual wedding.  That said, if he had a medical condition and he needed to be put on my medical insurance before being diagnosed or treated, I would not hesitate to go to the courthouse or Justice of the Peace immediately to get the legal documents signed so he could qualify for my insurance and treatment.

Post # 5
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

So get married now at the courhouse.  Then have someone “marry” you in 8 months.  We had a friend do it for us.  I hadn’t been married before, but Darling Husband had.  He has a belief in a higher power but not tied to any religion.  The hurdles we would have had to jump to get married in the Catholic church were going to take possibly a couple of years.  We had the courthouse the morning of our wedding, and had a friend do it for us in front of fam/friends that evening. Can you do something like that/

Post # 7
Member
9139 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

@codysgirl16:  I fit makes you feel any better doing the ceremony in front of friends and family seems a bit ingenuous for me since I got married in front of them the first time around.  In fact, it’s a little embarassing to get married a second time (almost as embarassing as telling friends and family I was getting divorced) and I really don’t want a lot of attention on the fact that I am getting married for a second time.  Does it mean that I don’t love my FH?  I absolutely do and I am excited to be married, just not to get married in front of people I have already said vows in front of previously.

I would hazard a guess that he too might be embarassed to be getting married for a third time but that doesn’t mean he is not happy about being married.  He must really care about you based on the fact that he thought about your needs and ability to qualify for benefits being affected by his retirement.

Post # 9
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@codysgirl16:  Well getting married out of the church really took some time to get used to.  Keep thinking about it.  Handfasting …. soooooo romantic

Post # 11
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

@codysgirl16:  YES! .. when we did the courthouse we rolled up in shorts with no rings, and in flip flops.  It wasn’t about THAT it was about later that night.  I thought about doing a handfasting.. it really is romantic.

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