(Closed) Monogamous vs. Monogamish

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
  • poll: Monogamous vs. Monogamish

    I 100% believe in monogamy; we were designed that way.

    I believe that monogamy goes against our scientific/natural design.

    I'm not sure what I believe...

    I have never had trouble remaining faithful when in a committed relationship.

    I have always had trouble remaining faithful when in a committed relationship.

    I have at times had trouble remaining faithful while in a committed relationship.

    I am easily tempted but I never stray.

    I am not easily tempted, no one compares to my SO/FI/DH.

    Other, explain below.

  • Post # 17
    11736 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 1999

    I’m kind of torn on the subject because while monogamy may go against humans biological tendencies, I’d like to think we’ve evolved to the point that we do not react based on instincts. I always think the “but we’re not supposed to be monogamous” is a bull shit excuse for cheating since we are able to think about and make decisions and not be ruled by impulse.

    Post # 18
    7899 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

    I think different people are set up differently, but both members of a couple need to share outlooks on monogamy. As a species, our most common social structure is the monogamous family group, but just because it’s the most common doesn’t mean it’s the only one. It’s actually in our nature to be monogamous. This is, for example, why women developed permanently swollen mammary glands as a way to keep the male in the family group and reinforce the monogamy.

    Post # 19
    7367 posts
    Busy Beekeeper

    View original reply
    @HisMoon:  ITA! There will never be a one size fits all to this questions. 

    Post # 20
    3256 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2013

    Men’s brains are not wired for monogamy, so that we can distribute our genetic material as widely as possible.  Women’s brains are wired to want their man to stay with them, to beat up bears and tigers and shit.

    Post # 21
    1718 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2012

    I’m sure at one point we were meant to be polyamorous so that we can thrive and procreate but I think we’ve evolved past sex as means of just procreating.  I believe in monogamy; and, I have always stayed faithful.   I agree that it is to each their own.  Some couples work with open marriages or with the whole “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy.

    Post # 22
    11231 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2013

    I can’t vote on the first part of the poll, since I believe that this is different for different people. PERSONALLY, I could only be in a monogamous relationship.

    As far as the second part goes, yes, in both of my previous relationships, where I was incredibly stifled and unhappy, I thought about it (but never acted). However, no one compares to my Fiance. To me, he is perfect, and I am neither stifled nor unhappy.

    Post # 23
    6014 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: March 2012

    that guy is an ass. 

    You should probably have him talk to the couple i saw on the Today show that just celebrated 75years of marriage.   He needs to grow up and it’s good no one wants to marry him. 

    Post # 24
    1161 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    View original reply
    @joya_aspera:  I love this answer!

    I personally believe we were designed to be monogamous, but that doesn’t mean temptation and curiosity don’t still exist. So just like we have to practice restraint in other areas, we should also have to practice it for the benefit of our relationships. I could eat a whole thing of Haagen Dazs, and it would taste amazing while I’m eating it. But I would pay for it later either in the bathroom (with a bottle of febreeze), or on the scale! So knowing that the outcome is not the most beneficial, I’ve got to restrain myself. I could also punch my boss in the face when she pisses me off, which would feel amazing. But knowing I’d lose my job and catch a case, I must restrain myself. I may get a tempting offer from a guy who is saying all the right things, but what I have with Fiance is too precious to gamble with.

    Post # 25
    830 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    For me, it’s monogamy. Sometimes that takes a lot of effort, because it’s so easy to be the girl who goes out and has carefree, effortless relationships. But that empty feeling that comes afterward just sucks. Nothing easy is ever worth it anyway. The only things that are worth it are always hard as hell. 

    Post # 26
    130 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: April 2013

    I think we as a society have gone so far past the point of what is “natural” that it’s hardly worth talking about. I also think that each couple should come to whichever conclusion is best for them, because each human has different tendencies. Both my husband and I have an easy time with monogamy and don’t want to be with anyone else, but knowing that the option is there and wouldn’t break our marriage is actually very comforting. I think it helps build trust too — I really, really don’t think he would cheat when he has the option of simply asking me, because that’d be extremely stupid. So I’m cool with us being “monogomish” even though it looks like “monogomous” 99.9% of the time. But I completely understand people who couldn’t be in our situation.

    But people who use “science” as a means of explaining why they aren’t monogomous are jerks. 

    Post # 27
    603 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2014

    I believe in monogamy, but I’ve always told my BFs that just because you’re with someone, doesn’t mean you’ve gone blind. I don’t expect that they’ll stop watching porn or stop checking out women. I only ask that they respect me and not touch. At times, when I noticed them checking out someone, I’d comment on their taste. As long as I know that I am the only one in their life, that’s all that matters. Lucky for me…Fiance rarely looks 🙂

    Post # 28
    4521 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: April 2015

    According to evolutionary psychology, men should not want to be monogamous. They should want to spread their seed as much as possible. Women, on the other hand, would want one stable partner. I’m not sure how much of that I believe though

    Eta: I’m monogamous though, so so is FH

    Post # 29
    9802 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2013

    Biologically no I don’t think we were made to be monogramous to one person our entire lives.  But we aren’t entirely ruled by biology so people can choose to be monogamous or not.  Biology isn’t an excuse for cheating.  If someone cannot be monogamous they shouldn’t be part of a monogamous relationship, easy as that.

    Post # 30
    8036 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: December 2013

    @Happy Hopeful Bee:  I think that people who use the excuse “we weren’t designed to be monogamous” when they cheat are a-holes lol.

    Fair enough, if you don’t want to be monogamous, then don’t… but then for god sake, don’t get into a relationship!!

    Some people will be monogamous and happy with it. Others won’t. For those who question it.. don’t get married.

    I know cheating happens (sometimes despite the best of intentions), but the distinction I am making here is that if a person really believes this from the outset, they probably shouldn’t get married.

    Post # 31
    542 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2014

    View original reply
    @canarydiamond:  totally agree


    It is 100% a matter of choice. If you want to be monogamous, you will be. If you don’t, you won’t. Ok, once upon a time humans (pre-humans) probably weren’t monogamous which but let’s be honest, I think we’ve come a LONG way since then and I don’t think the argument of ‘its natures way’ works. Our brains have developed so that we have the choice to override those ‘natural’ urges if you want to see them in that way (hence why we are civilised and not going around like bonobo monkeys) so basically, yeah, if you don’t want to override it, then you won’t.

    Society does drive the ‘need’ to be monogamous, but it is down to the individual to decide what they want to do about it. 

    The topic ‘Monogamous vs. Monogamish’ is closed to new replies.

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