Post # 1
just wondering if there is anyone else here whose mother in law did not personally congratulate after their engagement? My Mother-In-Law said to my fiance in response to him announcing our engagement : “Ha yeah , I saw that coming when you moved in with her… I just got back from my walk, about to step on the bus. Bye” He then called her and she stayed on the phone with him for about 1 minute did not ask anything about us or the proposal. She then sent me a facebook comment underneath a photo saying “congrats” and that was it.
I was trying to patch things up with her as I think never liked me so I sent her a quick message saying “thanks for your wishes, I am glad to be part of your son’s future as he is a real treasure. Thanks for making him who he is” and I was sincere.
She replied “he tells me that you make him like that!!!! He is so much into romanticism. I hope for you both that you enjoy each other in the future”
& that was it. Fiance read it and thought that she was being sarcastic. Note the HOPE and not “I wish you ..”
Anyone in a similar situation?
Post # 3
I think it is dangerous to try to attach feelings, emotion or intent to email.
There is no tone of voice of body language to help interpret someone’s remarks.
Why not give her the benefit of the doubt this time and phone rather than text or email in the future?
Post # 4
I forgot to add that we are in different countries and that is why most communication happens via email or text message.
We did call her to announce the engagement and that is all she said : “Ha yeah , I saw that coming when you moved in with her… I just got back from my walk, about to step on the bus. Bye”
She did not ask to speak to me or congratulate me or anything. That was it. She has my number and has texted me or emailed me privately for other things before including when my fiance’s sister came down for some holidays.
Post # 5
First of all, Congrats on your recent engagement! I totally understand your feelings about the Monster in Law. I have a Future Mother-In-Law with issues too. She actually told Fiance he was an accident(several times). And she and Future Father-In-Law live with us. My best advice I have is to be patient, lots of fake smiles/polite communication, and remember that you are the better person. I hope things will inprove and wish you and Fiance all the love, laughter and happiness in the world!
Post # 6
From this end, it doesn’t seem like she is being that bad. But I don’t know her or her personality. So it could’ve been detached or without emotion for what you were expecting.
Don’t worry… my Future Mother-In-Law didn’t really say anything either. My fiance called her after he proposed and I’m not sure what her reaction was, he said she was happy about it though. When we came back a few days later, I saw Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law and they didn’t really say anything. I was expecting a congratulations, or for them to ask about the plans for the wedding. Since then I tried really hard to include her and ask her opinion. She doesn’t really care. I think she is distracted by her grandchildren… two came right around our engagement and she is a first time grandmother. Then some other drama happened.
At this point I am not really concerned anymore. I will continue to try and include her, but I don’t expect a “gushing” response. Maybe FMIL’s aren’t as excited because it’s their son, not their daughter, that is getting married. Stay in there and hopefully she will change her tune!
Post # 7
Obviously I’m not in the situation so I might be missing something…but it sounds to me like she’s perfectly congratulatory.
Post # 8
I agree with Jenniphyr… take a breath relax
Post # 9
We were at her house for thanksgiving when we told her, she said, “oh that’s nice, well welcome” and then left to take her mom some food.
And then I later found out that when Fiance showed them the ring her first response was, “What is that?!” and followed by “this is a joke right?!” and then “are you doing this because Matt got engaged?” (Which was six months before this moment and we had been talking about getting married before Matt and his Fiance were even together.)
So yeah, I feel your pain. I just try my best to smile and very rarely talk about wedding stuff with her.
Post # 10
Thanks for all your advice bees. I have decided that she is the buzzing mosquitoe in my ear 🙂 I will be fine I just need to toughen up and not let my relationship be affected by the tantrums of 50 year olds. xx 🙂
Post # 11
I wouldn’t dig at anything with her and just let her comments roll off your shoulders. You’re his future wife, she’ll accept it. I have a true monster-in-law, and we’re cutting her out of our lives. When we got engaged it was: “Oh so were we the last to know?” She exploded when I didn’t consult her about the bridal shower date, wouldn’t invite her second husband’s parents who we had never met (and we’re on a limited # of guests), and when we’d apologize she’d keep hanging things over our heads. Stay away from internet communication with her, as that’s how we got to the point of uninviting her to everything – she reads negativity into anything I typed and won’t listen. We’re done. lol