(Closed) Monster in Law

posted 10 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

Don’t dispair…unfortunately you might not have a Mother-In-Law issue but a Fiance issue…you guys are a team. Talk to him calmly and reason why the things your Mother-In-Law is doing bother you.

Is she paying for anything? If so…that’s another problem right there.

Unfortunately, I find that most MILs loose their heads at wedding time…she was there first so she first entitled to many things she definately SHOULDN’T…the best example is "ownership" of your Fiance.

Kill her with kindness and instead of being emotional in front of your Fiance…use REASON…e.g. more guests=more $…two dances=strange…it might be a little mean but you could suggest that he could be branded a mama’s boy that needed two dances…etc.

If you guys are not on the same page she most likely will "win" (not that is really a game).

Good luck!

Post # 4
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • V
  • 10 years ago

*FEELS entitled

Post # 5
Member
124 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I know the mother-son dance was only a small part of the issues you listed, but is the two dance thing b/c she can’t choose between songs? Maybe you could compromise — if you (or someone you know) has that software that allows you manipulate MP3s (sorry, don’t know that name — I’m not all that familiar with it past knowing it exists) maybe you could make a medley of sorts and blend the two songs.

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2008

BeachBride – I totally feel your pain when it comes to difficult MILs.  Fortunately, my Mother-In-Law wants to be involved with EVERYTHING (my parents are paying for the whole wedding) out of love and happiness for me and my Fiance.  Sometimes that makes it harder because you don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings when they are doing things out of love.

Anyway, back to your situtation!  I completely agree with V.  The way my Fiance and I have gotten through difficult Mother-In-Law times is by first making sure him and I are on the same page.  Don’t forget, this day is about you and your Fiance and the new family you are creating by getting married.  Of course you want to keep your relationship with your Mother-In-Law as civil as possible, but do not let this get in between you and your man.

If he is anything like Mr. B, the last thing your man wants to do is chose between you and his mom.  Maybe you can make some compromises with you Fiance first and then bring your decisions to your Mother-In-Law.  For example, would it be possible to let her invite a few more people in exchange for only 1 mother-son dance?  Not only are people going to think his is a true momma’s-boy with 2 mother-son dances, but people usually get bored watching just 1 of those dances!

I am sure you have enough on your mind right now, so pick and choose your battles.  We all want our weddings to go exactly as we plan (or try to plan) but the most important thing is that you marry your honey!

Good luck!

Post # 7
Member
1061 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

I’ve been ignoring my Mother-In-Law ever since the guest list was finalized. It’s working pretty well for me. However, my in-laws are only paying for the rehearsal dinner. I made it clear from the beginning that I was going by the "you pay, you play" system — you can help make decisions if you’re paying for it. If your situation is different, I agree with Can’tWait — you have to compromise on some things. 

Post # 8
Member
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

OK, why is it a big deal if they dance to two songs? Losing your son is just as big of a deal as marrying off a daughter. Is an extra song worth all the drama? No.

Is she paying for the RD? Maybe she’s trying to suggest that she’s spring for a nicer place if you wanted it. If not, then she’s just being bitchy and ignore her.

As far as the issues with your Fiance and his mother…have you stopped to think maybe he agrees with her about somethings? She might not be manipulating him as much as you think. A lot of men rather have their mommy do the dirty work for them. If he’s willing to fight with you about it, he might just feel strongly about it. Also, if you are serious about calling off your wedding because of these things, you need to get ready for being married…it is MUCH harder than a nosey Mother-In-Law. 

 

 

Post # 9
Member
132 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2008

Unfortunately I think the guest list thing is an issue for everyone.  I let everyone invite whoever they wanted at first and that ended up being too much and when we went back to both families they were pretty responsive to lowering their lists unless they wanted to pay for the extra people.  I thought that was pretty fair.

I agree with some of the other posters.  Keep things in perspective of what the day is about and how it is joining families together.  Make sure you and your fiancee are on the same page because when their is fighting at home I have learned, it makes the other problems that much worse.

My Mother-In-Law has been really good about not getting involved unless asked which I have sincerely appreciated as my mom has been very territorial.  My fiancee on the other hand feels his family is excluded which causes major fights with us.  I have included his family in some things but I like doing other things just as a mother/daughter. 

The wedding brings up many emotions for everyone.  I have had many breakdowns during the process but in the end I just try to be laid back and please as many as possible but know you won’t be able to please everyone.  The person you do want to please most though is your fiancee because that is who you are starting the life with.

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