(Closed) Monster In Laws?!!?

posted 7 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
5273 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2009

I feel for you! Its sad when it comes to the point of not speaking.

Like you, there are too many stories to share, but through the span of our relationship my husband went through a 6 month period of not speaking to my Mother-In-Law & during the wedding planning he sat Mother-In-Law & Father-In-Law down and told them if their behavior continuned they wouldn’t be invited to the wedding.

But, I wanted to post because, although every situation is different, my In-Laws have gotten MUCH better since we have been married. It is kind of interesting because right after the wedding thier behavior changed, and has been getting better since then.

So keep your head up & I wish you and your Fiance the best!!!

Post # 4
Member
622 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Getting married and planning a wedding is difficult enough.  I can’t imagine having to deal with relationship wars within the family.  Hopefully things work out for you!  Keep your head up and try to maintain a sense of dignity (and sanity) throughout it all!

Post # 6
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2005

I unfortunately have monster in laws, ughhhh. I have sooo many stories but I’ll spare you guys all of  the long drawn out events and share only a couple.

 

When his parents found out we are getting married in ma (where I’m from) rather than MD (where I moved to be with him & his fam lives) they complained about not being able to make it due to money (they literally chain smoke & can afford to smoke packs a day) and it being too far. His mother threw a fit at their family xmas party when it was brought up and announced they would not be going to the wedding. after that she kept saying to people she wasn’t going but made sure it got back to us. Well now they are going and she is sad I’m not sharing the wedding plans with her.

 

Recent one: We were at his parents home visiting because his brother and sister inlaw were there with their baby. The night had come to a close and his brother & sister inlaw had left. We were at the door about to leave when his little brother pulled out a joint and was about to light it. (Now, I’m not a pot smoke or smoker at all but it doesn’t offend me if others smoke it I just appreciate if it’s not near me) So, I told his brother I didn’t want to smell like weed & what does he do? He literally lights it and blows smoke in my face. My fiance had such a look of rage on his face and we left. Later his mother told my Fiance that he didn’t mean to do it and he  (the brother) said the same to my Fiance. I have yet to receive an apology and refuse to go back to their house now.

 

 

One more one more … his parents are constantly asking to have things or to borrow hundreds and hundreds of dollars even though we are trying to start off our lives together.

 

Post # 8
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I’m so sorry you have to endure this with you Future Mother-In-Law and Future Sister-In-Law. I’ve wrote a lot on the board about my experiences with my now Mother-In-Law and SIL, you can go back and take a looky, they are pretty horrible people and put us through the ringer for our engagement. We had a short engagement- 7 months, and the entire 7 months and the weekend we were supposed to get engaged were horrible. I never did ANYTHING to these peple to do and say the things they have said, and honestly when asked they don’t even have a response as to what I did. It’s all made up lies.  My Darling Husband and I couldn’t go a week without them causing some kind of drama in our life, whether it was 60 text messages in hour, spending hours on the phone with her while she screamed about how horrible I was, or them calling us at 6 int he morning and demanding that they are most important, or his mom calling me non stop for an hour and leaving nasty VM, or his sister threatening sucide if he married me, over them calling my family and me horrible names and getting his entire family turned against HIM and then trying to go call his friends that they didn’t even know to talk trash about me to them. When the wedding came, we were not on speaking terms with them, and they ruined our Rehearsal Dinner, we had to call the cops on them becaus she punched her ex husbamd and was inches away from hitting me in my face. If I were to do it all over again, I would have been more firm about making sure they did not come, but through all the horrible stuff.

My best advise to you is to be happy and keep them out of your life. Don’t back down on things because you feel bad for your Fiance. It’s natural to feel awful and sad for him that his family is like that and you can be there for him and support him, but you have to understand, crazy people don’t change…no matter what. I would say well I feel bad for my Fiance so let them come to the shower, and they ruined my shower, then I would say well I feel bad for my Fiance, let them come to the Rehearsal Dinner, and she ruined it too. Just stay strong, and realize that it’s not you, I am sad that my memories of my engagement and wedding memories are ruined because of them, but I have the memory of knowing that my Darling Husband and I love and support each other so much that despite it all, we still were able to attempt to make the best of it.

If you want to chat offline, let me know. I know that sometimes it just feels so good to write it out and say okay that feels better.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

I only have a Future Brother-In-Law.  Mr. G unfortunately has lost both of his parents.  He is close to his Aunts and Uncles, and they are just wonderful people!  The Future Brother-In-Law is a gem too.  VERY different from his brother, haha, but a great guy nonetheless. 

I have heard horror stories from friends of mind, and it leaves me shocked!  I do not understand how people can act that way to another human being, let alone someone that is going to be a part of their family.

Hopefully the situation improves for everyone with Monster In Laws.  Life is too damn short to treat people so badly, and for what?  Trust in the love you have with your Fiance, and know that, that is enough.

Post # 12
Member
457 posts
Helper bee

I agree, before I joined the Bees I had no clue what other crazy was out there, and not to say I like reading other posts on it, but it makes you feel like your not alone. Sometimes I would think I had it really bad and then I would read someone’s post and be like OMG, how can that person have acted that way to that poor FDIL!!

Post # 14
Member
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 2005

@hiswifey27:   At least we have each other to vent to here! Which I find is a huge help.  My fiance is at least very understanding and grees with how I feel about them. It’s just hard deadline with them. I come from a family that is very close. we sure do have our fights but at the end of the day we would give the shirt off our backs to each other if newed be.

Post # 16
Member
139 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Hello ladies! I am in a similar postion.Fi and I have been living together for 3+ years. My Future Mother-In-Law and Future Father-In-Law have never said anything about me to my fiance-good or bad- They prefer to act as though I don’t exist. If something is brought up that is somewhat directly related to me…they do their best to change the topic asap. They also tend to hit me with A LOT of backhanded compliments. Here’s an example: My Fiance and I had been together for over a year and our parents had never met. My parents love my Fiance and really wanted to meet his family so they asked for us all to come to dinner around christmas time. My Fiance, his parents and myself all road up in the same car to my parents. We got there and my aunt and uncle were there visiting too. We had what I felt was a nice visit. Keep in mind, the whole purpose of this dinner was for our parents to meet. We get in the car and start driving home and his mother says ” It was great meeting your Aunt and Uncle.” Not a word about my parents. FI tried to bring my parents back into the conversation as he too realizes they hate talking about anything thats directly related to me. So he says “How amazing is her Parents Christmas Tree.”  (they have a 12-14ft tree each year.) His Dad replies back with “Ya know, Tommy has such a pretty tree every year.” It kills them to just say something nice about me or my family. He couldn’t just say “it’s was beautiful” or “It was nice” He felt the need to move the topic to another person. 

Another time, Had both sets of parents over for dinner one night and my grandparents as well. The next day my Future Mother-In-Law says, ” It was nice visiting with your grandparents” again nothing about my parents. It’s always a backhanded compliment. That was the only time they had met my grandparents.  About 2 months later my FI’s aunt was in the area and said “Kate I would love to meet your parents sometime..Fiance says they are a riot.” and his mom chimed in and says, “Her grandparents are a hoot. You should meet them!”–it’s just very strange. Couldn’t stand that someone asked about my parents(direct relation)

There’s sooo many stories but no need to share them as I’m sure you get the point. The conclusion I came to is that they are jealous of my family. My Future in-laws are very socially awkward where my parents are social butterflies. My parents show love towards one another as my fiance and I do where I have never seen his parents hug with the exception of a thankyou hug at christmas after exchanging gifts. Also, his parents are a bit older and my Future Mother-In-Law is very heavy where my parents are fit and youthful.

 

My advice- Makeup and be the bigger person because your wedding only happens once. If they are not there, not only will you be feeling regret, but your Fiance will be crushed. Even though he is aware they haven’t been treating you/your family with kindness, those are still his parents and I’m sure it will hurt him to not see his parents the day of his wedding. Being the bigger person sucks, but someone has to be and from the sounds of things, it wont be them. You know who was right and who was wrong and you dont have to come out and say “im sorry.” If anything, Just explain this is your wedding and their sons/brothers wedding. You all obviously have your differences but it would mean alot if they came to the wedding and if everyone could be mature and put this aside until the wedding passes, and later on discuss things and work it out. Explain it’s not just about you..it’s about their son and things havn’t grown to be out of control.

I have cried about my future inlaws, and have bitten my tongue for so long. There is so much I would like to come out and say, but at the end of the day, it’s not worth destroying your relationship with your Fiance or his relationship with his family.

 

BEST OF LUCK!

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