(Closed) Mooching BIL?

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
2851 posts
Sugar bee

I would absolutely not jeopardize my lease (I’m assuming you rent?) to dog sit someone else’s poorly behaved dog. Idk if your Brother-In-Law is a mooch or not, but he does sound selfish and entitled. I don’t think family members “deserve” to be catered to just because they’re family.

Post # 3
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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breatheandrelax :  Does your Brother-In-Law only ask your husband if y’all can watch their dog?  If you are part of the conversation, then you need to start saying “No we’re not able to watch your dog.”  You can plug in a reason like “our dog is sick and it’s contagious” or “we’re actually going on a business trip/conference/seminar during this time” if you want.

If only your husband is a part of the conversation, and he’s not saying he needs to check with you too before saying yes or no, then that’s something you have to get on the same page with your husband about.

Post # 4
Member
9519 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Their dog is their responsibility, not for you to take responsibility of its care. Say no.

As for pocketing the money, your husband had the choice and chose to not. If the Brother-In-Law takes the money it doesn’t concern you.

If you don’t like what he asks you then say no

Post # 6
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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breatheandrelax :  One can only be a moocher if the moochee is willing.  Is your DH the compliant victim here?  If so I’d talk to him, you’re certainly not going to change your BIL’s behavior but you’ve got a shot at changing your DH’s.

Or just find interesting ways to say “no” before your DH has a chance to respond.  Operatically, staccato, rapping, with jazz hands, 27 times in a row, to the tune of Beethoven’s 5th…you get me 😉

Post # 8
Member
2550 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

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breatheandrelax :  Oh no you’re definitely not, your Brother-In-Law is being a huge ass.  I mean the dinner money just makes him look bad, that isn’t really hurting anyone, but everything else is just so infuriating.

Ooo new idea, send them a list of dogsitting services right now and tell them you won’t be watching their dog again because of your rental situation so they’ll have to be proactive on their next vacation.  That way your husband won’t get caught up in the last-minuteness of BIL’s requests.  I almost want to leave out the rental situation as the reason because frankly you don’t need one, “I don’t want to” is a perfectly valid reason, but it sounds like your DH is having a hard time with it so that might make it a little more palatable for him.

Post # 9
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Whether or not Brother-In-Law took money from Mother-In-Law really has nothing to do with you, so there’s no need to be judgmental there. 

If the dog is that problematic, next time I’d just say “Sorry Brother-In-Law. We won’t be able to accommodate your pup, but here are a few recommendations for sitters/kennels:…” 

And, FWIW, I think terming him a “mooch” over some dog sitting that your DH agreed to is overkill. 

Post # 10
Member
41 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Ha! I don’t know if I would classify him as a moocher, but it’s definitely not right for him to do that all the time. My Brother-In-Law is the same way (with wanting us to watch his dogs and/or children). His excuse is that my husband and I have no one else to watch, as we don’t have children or dogs. For us, it works being very vocal about it (with respect) and firmly saying “no”, unless we absolutely CAN do it. We like helping out, it’s just that some people take advantage. 

Post # 12
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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breatheandrelax :  I think you have to put your foot down more.  Unfortunately you will need your husband to be onboard too in order to do it.  

I’m curious if you guys tell them you’re going to be gone during the same time they’re gone and can’t watch their dog, what will they say?  Accuse you of lying?  Insinuate that it’s your responsibility to find boarding for their dog?

Post # 13
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

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breatheandrelax :  yep! Your H probably needs to come with a hard, full stop “No.” My DH is the king of being “too nice” and helping people when he should have actively said no, so I get it! Your H just needs to make it clear that Brother-In-Law needs to find a sitter who is a good fit for the dog. 🙂

Post # 15
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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breatheandrelax :  I would be so mad even if it weren’t 3 days before my wedding and I’m just sitting at home chilling.  So what happened that time?  Did they back down?

I wouldn’t even have suggested the excuses I brought up if it weren’t family.  If it were somebody else it would just be a “(Hell) no” and “Why do you keep asking? That’s so rude” from me.  

You really need your husband to stand firm on this issue with you.  Otherwise you’re just their bitchy SIL that won’t even do them “a small favor”.

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