(Closed) Moral Dilemma

posted 4 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
46613 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Gifts are not supposed to be given with strings.

I would exchange the items and tell him “Your generous gift took me by surprise. Our baby will be lucky to have such a generous grandfather. I know you won’t mind that I exchanged the ___ and the ___ for similar models on our registry. “

Post # 4
66 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I highly doubt that he’ll remember the exact mobile or car seat he purchased. I can tell you I don’t remember what type of pram/stroller (whatever you want to call it) I got my cousin for her first baby! She didn’t register, she just had a list of items she would like, and I picked up one that I thought would be nice, and at the time I thought was cute. It’s been about 5 months now and I don’t really remember which one I got her, or if she’s using it or exchanged it for a different one!

So I honestly wouldn’t bring it up. Just exchange those items, and if he ever DOES mention something, just tell him that it didn’t work for your situation. His feelings might be hurt, but I seriously doubt he’ll focus negative energy on the car seat or mobile – especially if she is wearing the outfits he picked out for her! I mean, who looks at the car seat and not the baby really? Hehe.

Post # 5
4518 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’d go ahead and exchange the stuff you want to exchange. That was so nice of him to get all that for you, but it’s totally to be expected that for big things like a car seat, you’re going to have specific preferences.

It would be one thing if you exchanged the car seat for a trampoline or something, but as long as you exchange what he got you for the same thing, just a different brand, then I don’t think he will be too upset. 

Post # 6
8113 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Pappy8:  Decorative stuff, I would just keep. Is it worth hurting the feeling’s of someone you care about, over a color or design motif? The baby is not going to care what the mobile looks like. The car seat though…. That’s a major piece of gear that really has to work for your specific needs. I would maybe tell him “that was so thoughtful, we ALMOST picked that one too, but we really think this other one will work better for us because….” (it has a special base/has an ergonomic handle/converts to toddler seat then kid booster/etc)

Hope you have a pleasant birth and healthy baby!

Post # 7
2837 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Pappy8:  Just tell him you had your eyes set on XX models, you researched safety, etc…He sounds like a wonderfully thoughtful guy– your little girl will be lucky to have such a generous grandfather.


When it comes to baby stuff– it’s changed so much since he’s had kids (if he has kids)– that I’d hope he wouldn’t be offended.

I know I’m picky about what gear for certain reasons– carseat being a big one– and wouldn’t hesitate to exchange.  

It sounds like you’re very grateful for everything- so just make sure he knows you’re over the moon with his generosity!

Post # 9
4770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

Seems like it would be ok since he did leave the reciet.  Maybe keep some of the big stuff too even if you don’t love it.  But I think he can be a bit offended if it is all gone.

Post # 11
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

Exchange! Most parents-to-be spend a lot of time researching the big items tems such as car seats, strollers, cribs (I know we certainly did). Like PPs mentioned- very doubtful that he’ll remember which one he purchased. Thankfully, he made it really easy on you with a gift receipt.

Half of the things my Mother-In-Law has purchased for our baby have already been returned or donated (she picked up a bunch of items at yard sales which were duplicates or not in great condition-grrr.) So take advantage of the fact that you have a gift receipt, and get what works for you.

Post # 12
3638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

He left the receipt for a reason, in case you needed it. As you said, you love some of the clothes, is he on Facebook? Perhaps take a photo of the clothes and post it on Facebook with a thank you Stepfather! note. Public acknowledgement makes people feel especially good, and as you said, he’s quiet sensitive, so it will likely make him feel awesome. 

Post # 13
9132 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2010


Exactly.  He gave you the receipts & explicitly told you to exchange anything not suitable.  I’d not worry about it & focus instead on showing your gratitude for stepdad’s generosity.

Post # 14
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

You can totally exchange the big items, especially if he left the receipt and said you could. Unless, of course, he did it to see if you would or not. Some people can be like that. If you are worried that he is easily offended and might be slighted, then don’t exchange. I am guessing you will have a baby shower, and if you register for the big items you actually want, you will probably get them. When grandpa comes to visit, use his stuff. The rest of the time, use the stuff you like. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I also know that there are people out there who would get upset if you don’t use their stuff. Some people see an exchange as being ungrateful. You know him best, so use your best judgement.

Post # 15
85 posts
Worker bee

If he left you the receipt, I would take that as an invitation to exchange. 

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