For those asking, a few days ago I decide to mail a screenshot of the dating profile with his username on it (again, no idea if he’s still active on there, but the profile pic was taken right before their engagement and he updated his occupation to reflect his new job that he got right before they were engaged).
I also sent a snippet of the convo when he solicited my friend but blurred out all identifying info. I didn’t send any of the convo that I had with him because that would be too identifying.
I sent it with tracking since I used a random return address. It says it was delivered yesterday and she just added an Insta story flashing her ring while out to dinner.
Sadly, I think my SIL may be right about this. Unfortunately Amanda was raised in a similar situation. Her father is/was a serial cheater (with a lot of $$$$), and while I think she’s a super sweet kind-hearted girl, she is very into “maintaining her image” – as in, her wedding website has an entire section devoted to her (expensive af) ring. She’s having… numerous bridal showers. She Insta stories all of her designer bags, cars, receipts from high end restaurants etc. My SIL’s theory was, just like Amanda’s mother, Amanda thinks she’s starting to “get old” and that she’d be willing to put up with a crappy guy because his family holds status and money.
What does my husband think about this? He doesn’t like Amanda much (never has) for the reasons specified above – always talking about money etc. He also feels like she takes advantage of his sister because she whenever she make/ other friends and/or falls into a new group; she phases out my SIL. He obviously hates Dan and thinks he’s a POS, but he believes his sister when she says that Amanda already knows about his behavior (which, he believes, was a big contributing factor in the on-off nature of the relationship).
I grew up around flashy/extravagant people like Amanda (unlike my husband/SIL’s upbringing) so to me it never contributed towards a feeling of dislike. I have a feeling she’s fairly insecure which is why she posts a lot about money etc but that can still make her a wonderful person- and no one deserves to marry an effing trash bag.
So I guess we will see what happens from here but at least I can get this off my moral compass. I just have a lot of anxiety that the messages with my friend could get traced back to me. I have a feeling she’ll either choose to act on it or throw it out.
I really don’t think I can do anything with the 14 year old situation. It is terribly disgusting that the church covered it up for ten years and chose not to have an open dialogue about it. However; I asked the victim’s sister (who I KNOW) if I could disclose this information to Amanda – and she said no, her family/parents/sister don’t want to ever bring it up again. I feel like I need to respect the wishes of the victim, particularly since Dan would just tell Amanda that he pursued a girl over a decade ago and didn’t know her age. While some people who knew about the situation were empathetic, many people who knew about the situation chose to believe that he made an “honest mistake” and truly assumed she was 18. Just a crap person all around.
Now we wait I suppose.