Morbid post: how do you deal with the idea of death?

posted 1 year ago in Emotional
Post # 76
Member
7852 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

oceangirl40 :  Some of the people who believe in God have “called out” those that don’t by saying things like “I find it hard to comprehend that some people believe there’s no afterlife'” – so we’re responding to that. If Christians can say they find it hard to comprehend those who don’t believe, why can’t non-believers respond in kind? No one has to partake in these discussions if they don’t want to. I always find them interesting.

Post # 77
Member
10029 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

tiffanybruiser :  I agree, I find everyone’s beliefs to be very interesting.  I hope my saying I don’t comprehend how some people believe we just end was not offensive because I didn’t mean to it to be.  If it was offensive I apologize. 

I just meant that I feel each person is so important and life is so precious and we are all so deeply loved by God (whether we understand everything about Him or not) how do you not just know that your soul (personality, what makes you you, whatever you want to call it), lives beyond our physical bodies which do die, of course.  Maybe I’m just egotistical enough to feel that of course I can never really end.  I believe death transforms us even though I don’t know how we are transformed.  This is just my personal belief and it makes me happy to believe this.  If I’m wrong I guess I’ll find out after death. tongue-out

I feel every person has their own personal journey in life and their own very valid reasons for believing as they do.  We can all learn from each other and help each other by sharing beliefs and not being rigidly set in our ways. 

My husband doesn’t believe exactly as I do about life after death, which is fine with me.  I respect him and am always interested in what he has to say.  We don’t pressure each other about it either way, we just listen to each other.

I don’t feel spiritual beliefs are “right” or “wrong” but are up to each person to choose for themselves.  Most people have very good reasons for believing as they do.  If your belief system brings you peace and joy and doesn’t hurt anyone else, then why should anyone have a problem with it? 

The main problem I have with some organized religion is the attitude of “my way or the highway,” or “you’re going to hell, (or get kicked out, or even killed sometimes) if you don’t believe exactly as we do and follow our rules,” that is bullshit in my opinion.  I’m not the typical organized religion church-going type of Christian, I believe Jesus is the Son of God is why I am a Christian. 

Spirituality is so personal and fascinating to me and I really enjoy hearing other people’s stories.  I don’t judge other people.  I’ve known some very judgmental, nasty, mean people who said they were Christian, and very kind and loving people who were atheists. 

I believe God is love and truth and can see into our hearts, to me having a good heart is really what gets people into “heaven,” not what label they put on.

Post # 78
Member
7852 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sunfire :  I agree with everything in your post. I know wonderful, loving Christians and hateful, judgmental ones, and everything in between. Same with atheists – there are good and bad eggs. Live and let live, and follow the golden rule – that part of the bible I can definitely get behind!

Post # 79
Member
10029 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

tiffanybruiser :   The golden rule is also one of my favorite verses in the bible.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 80
Member
2540 posts
Sugar bee

I have been thinking about the post title for a while, but finally opened up the post and read through some of it.  It didn’t even dawn on me to correlate death with religion.  At all.  And I was raised Christian.

I think death is natural.  Obviously, I get sad when a life is cut short, but when my grandparents died at 88 and 96, it was more of a celebration of life vs. mourning their death.  

Post # 81
Member
10029 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

There are some good questions raised about why God allows bad things to happen to good people.  I honestly do not know the answer to that one.  I’ve had my share of “bad things” in life happen to me and to those I love.  Nobody is spared being tested by hard things in life, for whatever mysterious reason.  

Sometimes I have blamed God for things, sometimes I have been angry with Him.  I even tried “not believing” but it didn’t make sense to me to not believe when I was yelling at Him, lol.  I had to ask myself who I was yelling at.  I’ve always believed in God but only as an adult really longed for a relationship with Him, it felt like I was being pulled.  I was so miserable and had so many questions and doubts.  I prayed with all of my heart for God to just tell me the truth about Himself.  And He did and He led me to where I am now.  I realize this may sound crazy but I did and do have a “supernatural” experience of God.  

For me, my faith doesn’t mean bad things won’t happen to me.  Life is hard, life is real, shit happens.  What my faith means is God is with me when bad things come, I am never alone.  When I have been the most deeply hurt is when I felt His comfort the most.  Because I let Him in and asked for His comfort.  I can physically feel the presence of God every single day, every moment of the day.  I know He is with me.  

I think every good and rational human being has questions like if God is love then how can a child be killed or a woman be raped or a natural disaster destroy an entire family.  I have the same questions for Him.  I don’t know the answers to those kinds of things.  All I know is prayer has power and having God in my life, really – not just in following some man-made doctrine or rules but a real relationship with God – has dramatically changed my life for the better. 

I hope and pray everyone’s belief system and faith or non-faith fulfills them and brings them joy and peace, because that’s a thousand times more important than any “religion.”

Post # 82
Member
7852 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sunfire :  “I’ve always believed in God but only as an adult really longed for a relationship with him, it felt like I was being pulled.”

This is so interesting to me. I was raised in an extremely religious Christian household, going to church multiple times a week, church camp in the summer, even went to a Christian private school for a few years, but I literally never had an innate strong faith. When I was around 15 or 16, I began having serious doubts that I even believed in God, and those doubts only grew as I got older.  The logic of “God” just didn’t add up to me, and I never felt a pull to believe. It was something I really struggled with in my late teens and early 20s – I even went to confession with several different priests to “confess” my lack of faith, but nothing helped…I just couldn’t make myself believe.

I know my mother keeps waiting for me to feel that pull, and who knows, I suppose it could happen sometime. I’ve had some ups and downs in my life, but nothing truly terrible to get through yet (knock on wood) – and there’s a part of me that wonders if I’d turn back to the religion I was raised in during a really terrible time. I can’t really imagine that happening, but who knows?

“All I know is prayer has power and having God in my life, really – not just in following some man-made doctrine or rules but a real relationship with God – has dramatically changed my life for the better.” 

My mother would say the same thing, though she is part of a very rigid organized religion (Eastern Orthodoxy). For her, prayer has power to trasnform her own mindset and I guess to live “better.” For example, she really struggled when I got engaged to a Jewish person because it meant we wouldn’t be getting married in the church. Through prayer, she managed to come to terms with it, love my fiance (now husband) and accept what was once a heartbreaking thing. So prayer didn’t “fix” the situation by working some miracle in which my husband converted to Christianity and we had the perfect church wedding, but it absolutely did work miracles within her own heart. That’s just one example of many.

When I was younger and still hadn’t really accepted my nonbelief, I tried praying a lot, but it just never felt genuine. I couldn’t bring myself to believe that there was anyone up there really listening. At this point (in my 30s), I’ve kind of stopped worrying about it lol – but I still enjoy discussing religion with people of all different beliefs.

Post # 83
Member
10029 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

tiffanybruiser :   Thank you for sharing that, it’s so interesting.  In so many ways your explanation is very similar to my husband’s, who was also raised in a very strictly religious (Baptist) household.  I was raised Catholic but my parents were not strict about anything, religion or otherwise, so that is a difference; they gave me freedom to believe as I chose.  My husband is more agnostic and humanistic in his beliefs and I am more Christian in mine.  He respects my beliefs and I respect his, we don’t judge each other.

I’m glad your mother came around to accepting and loving your husband, I would call that the power of God working in her.  ๐Ÿ˜‰

I love discussing different beliefs, too.  I respect your being so authentic about not believing in God and your reasons why than I do someone who lies by outwardly going to church just to look good.  

Post # 84
Member
7852 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Sunfire :  Haha, believe me, for many years I absolutely did go to church “just to look good” (i.e., so I wouldn’t cause too much despair to my parents). I’ll still go with my parents on special occasions like Christmas or Easter if we’re together (and my husband will even join us too), but that’s about it.

I’m currently pregnant, and we’re planning to raise our child sort of similarly to how you were raised. She will be exposed to both Christianity and Judaism, since those religions are a huge part of my husband’s and my background, but we’re not going to raise her with the notion that one religion or another is the absolute truth…cause neither of us believe that. The focus will be more on instilling good morals and being a good person.

Post # 85
Member
611 posts
Busy bee

you win some you lose some .. but one day it will all come to an end .. so create the best memories possible in everyone around you

Post # 86
Member
10029 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

tiffanybruiser :   That’s awesome, congratulations on your pregnancy!

Post # 87
Member
213 posts
Helper bee

I see that this thread has (understandably) turned into somewhat of a religious debate, and I admit I’m not entirely caught up.

But this question got me thinking in general. I’ve been reading near death accounts from people who had brushes with the “great beyond” who were not necessarily religiously inclined–pretty mind blowing stuff. If you’re curious as to what could possibly lie beyond this life, I would encourage you to check them out. 

On a much less cerebral level, I just saw the Pixar movie “Coco” that talks about the Mexican tradition of the Day of the Dead in which a young boy is reuinted with his ancestors that passed long ago. They’re all so happy to see each other and throw a huge party. My boyfriend, an adamant (and extremely jaded) agnostic, turned to me and said, “That’s such a cute concept.”

Who knows…maybe there’s actually something to it? Maybe the ones we love never truly leave us? Maybe they’re the wind in our hair or the stars that light our sky and help guide our steps? Or maye this is all silly and we all just end up worm food. I personally like the former school of though much, much better.

One thing I do know with certainty is that one day we’ll all find out! 

Post # 88
Member
7852 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

caligirl3 :  I have read some of these near death accounts and I agree, it is super fascinating and mysterious. That said, there are possible scientific explanations for that too (many studies have been done on the “white light” effect that people report experiencing on the verge of death). I lean toward believing in a scientific explanation over a religious one, but I absolutely think I could be proven wrong some day! That’s why I consider myself agnostic rather than atheist.

I looooved Coco. I love the way death is presented in that movie – so sweet.

Post # 89
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

lauralaura123 :  I remind myself that it is dying that sucks but death will probably not matter. I feel like it will be like going to sleep and not waking up. I have a lot of anxiety about it. I am considering studying to be a death doula to get past that anxiety. I am more worried about the people I will leave behind than the act of dying. I do get anxiety imagining ways in which I might die and if they would be painful. 

Post # 90
Member
791 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016 - Wedgewood Las Vegas

About a month ago, I had to have a surgery to remove my thyroid. My hubby and I had ‘the talk’ about what to do if the worst were to happen, however improbable. I found it very hard, and I was in tears by the end of the conversation.

I didn’t care where I was to be buried, but that I wanted to ultimately be buried next to my hubby. And if he couldn’t decide where we should be buried, that he should have me cremated, and then place my urn in his casket when he passes. I wanted us to be together. This, however, also freaked me out knowing that we are both young (in our 30s). He’d likely remarry. I asked that even if he did remarry to honor my wishes. This hit us both hard.

Deciding what to do medically was super easy. I didn’t want to be a veggie on machines and incoherent the rest of my life. I also didn’t want him to prolong life support if it was clear that my brain activity was gone (my aunt was kept on life support for weeks past any hope due to my cousins inability to let her go). I am an organ donor, but did not want any part of my eyes to be donated.

Deciding the fate of our pets was also hard. I have a mustang that I adopted from the BLM. She’s my dream horse. I begged my hubby to find a sanctuary for her to go, or to use my savings to keep paying her board for life at the place I’m currently keeping her. I was adamant he find a permanent home where she wouldn’t ever be risked going to slaughter. We talked about our cats too, and how he’d take them home to his parents (he travels too much for work to be able to keep pets).

I did joke that he wasn’t allowed to give my jewelry to his next woman. I’d haunt his butt if he did. ๐Ÿ™‚

I am religious, and it comforted me to know that I’d see my hubby again should I have passed.

It doesn’t bother me when someone claims a life-after-death belief that is different than my own. I figure no one really knows anyways until it happens.

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