(Closed) More Arguments this Weekend:(

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m sorry, that’s really frustrating! Part of being in a relationship is compromising–maybe you can sit him down in a non-threatening manner and discuss things without getting into a fight? If you got a timeline on things, woudl that help? Even if he said “okay by February?” would you be able to leave him alone about it? Guys never like being rushed into proposing–it’s a big deal for them! I think most of us have had “those fights”…I know I have and now, looking back, I feel silly for trying to take away his thunder and being impatient about it. If you won’t move in with him (even though you know the ring’s coming) I think you’ll just have to sit tight and wait it out. It’ll be worth it in the end!!! I’ve had a few friends, also, who, once they stopped talking about the ring and engagement, the ring magically made its appearance.

Post # 5
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

i’m sorry! arguing is never fun! relationships are all about compromise, but i think if being engaged before you move in with your Boyfriend or Best Friend is important to you, stick with it! there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting a real commitment before making a huge change in your life (believe me, moving in with your Boyfriend or Best Friend is not as easy or simple as a lot of people make it out to be!). but i think your Boyfriend or Best Friend needs to get to a place where he accepts that and stops pressuring you to move in with him first. i know going back and forth is a pain in the butt – i’ve been there – but he needs to be ready to move forward with you beyond just moving in together. i think ejs has a good point – maybe you can at least get him to give you a rough estimate of when he thinks he’ll be ready to be engaged. that way, if both of you can agree on a reasonable timeline, it won’t be the source of such tension for you both anymore, and that way, you can just have check-in – type conversations and it will be less frustrating all around!

Post # 6
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

Maybe stop staying over there so much? teehee. If you don’t really live at your parents house, you’re just making more work for yourself!

Post # 8
Member
1280 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

sometimes a step back is necessary to take two steps forward… or so i hear wise people say 🙂

Post # 9
Member
4466 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

Is there a reason that you won’t live with him until you are engaged?

Post # 10
Member
7053 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with this.

Since it’s so difficult, just maybe pull back a bit.  He will get the message and you won’t have to argue.  Don’t even mention it.

Post # 11
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

he might be picking fights with you to throw you offguard, so when he does propose, you are surprised?! Maybe I’m just a sucker for the “waiting” proposal stories. I agree, give it some space and some time, and focus on other parts of your relationship (going to church, Christmas shopping, dinners together, movie-dates, etc.) and don’t talk about moving in OR getting engaged. It will happen!! 🙂 Just be patient!!

Post # 12
Member
235 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I think that he should know by now to stop making snide comments if he doesn’t want you to get upset.  Next time he makes a comment, just say, “I’m not the hold-up.”  That way, you toss the ball back into his court and he will know that he should shut up.  If he doesn’t stop making the snide comments, you need to calmly sit him down and say something, or you need to end the relationship because he clearly doesn’t respect you if he doesn’t realize how much it bothers you.

I say that you should focus on other causes of the stress.  The entire cause can’t be that you’re not engaged (although I would believe that it is up to 90% of it, because it was for us) so maybe work on the other little things.  If your problem is that you are constantly packing up and driving between your parent’s place and his place, either do it less, or keep a drawer and some clothes at his place to make it easier.  

I also agree that you need a timeline – having a timeline definitely made me feel like it would be easier to deal with the waiting.  If he tells you that he wants you to be surprised, tell him that he’s just going to have to work harder at making the actual proposal a surprise, because he has given up his right to have the timing be a surprise by waiting so long to ask.  (I have extremely strong feelings on this.)  I know that 6 months is a really long time to wait, and it’s okay to tell him that 6 months is unacceptable to you.  Getting engaged is mutual and needs to be right for both of you.  

Post # 13
Member
5886 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I hope he’s asked by now or at least you have a timeline. I’m kinda in the same boat, but we are booking venues and vendors before he does the actual proposal. He swears it’ll be in the next few weeks, but the waiting has almost become comical at this point!

But if you are still having issues about this:

1)Ask him how he would feel if you did move in together and the whole time it just didn’t feel right to you. How would he feel knowing that he made you feel bad? (emotional reasoning)

2)Do a search on moving in together and divorce statistics. Yes, the divorce rate is higher for people that move in together before marriage (or engagement). This isn’t true of every couple that moves in together. But for guys that think more logically, this is a great point to make.

good Luck!

Post # 14
Member
1313 posts
Bumble bee

Oh hon read some of my posts, IN THE EXACT SAME POSITION.  It’s like what is the wait?  So okay I think if he thinks theres no rush I’m going to play it cool too.  You know what they say about reverse psychology hehe.  But it does drive me nuts in the meantime.  Stand your ground and do not move in with him.  Don’t become a wife without the ring!

Post # 15
Member
134 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

In my experience men don’t react well to ultimatums, which is what it sounds like you are giving him.  I think that you two should move-in together when it feels like the best step for both of you and not because it is dictated by one or the other.

Also it sounds like you two are obviously having a communication break-down.  Communication is important in any relationship but especially once you move-in together.  Those same issues are going to be there weather you are engaged or not.  Have you thought about talking to a couples counselor maybe to just get you both in a position where your listeneing to one another and not constantly playing defense?

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