(Closed) More fights centered around FMIL and FI's attitude about it… VENT!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2018

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@TGold:  …you should tell her that I said to shup up already…its the internet and if some derpy post offends her, she’s probably going to want to hide out in her house until the end of time, because its a million times worse out there!

You just gotta stop caring about this woman and whatever her little game is at the time…because its really hard to fight with someone that doesn’t even get in the ring.

Taking a step back and labeling her as “FI Territory” is going to make your life so much easier, and unless its pleasant, amusing or nice…you don’t need to hear it.  Your Fiance can goof around with her all he wants, you’re out, no more relayed messages, or fears it might upset his Mommy…

He’s about to be someone’s husband, and that’s man-shit…and men don’t care if they’re Moms like everything on Facebook, or their wives…because they’re men.

Post # 18
Member
7199 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

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@TGold:  If you block her on FB it’s like you don’t even have an account. She won’t see ANYTHING you post and if he tags you in a photo she won’t see it. I have an ex-friend who blocked me and although we are both VERY close to mutual friends and they go on vacation together and stuff I never see pictures of her EVER. It’s pretty awesome.

Honestly, I know it’s stupid that she would put so much weight on shit that happens on FB, but like it or not, your social media presense IS part of your public persona. Since you don’t get along, I’m guessing she sees more of you on FB right now than in person, so yes… it makes sense that she would judge you by what you post. While I tease my Fiance in private a lot, I rarely do it on FB because I know his family will see and get the wrong idea about our relationship. 

Post # 21
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013 - Dalhousie Castle

Sorry, but I think your fiance is right. Why throw more fuel on the fire? They probably don’t know your sense of humour and it sounds like she would easily get the wrong impression, since that is how she is leaning anyway. 

I would give her a chance to get to know you first and get to see how happy you make her son.  Just think of it like, any jokes you wouldn’t make in a job interview should probably be saved for a bit further down the line! 

Post # 22
Member
9680 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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@Nona99:  +1, exactly this. 

Post # 24
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Ugh, that’s lame. My Future Mother-In-Law checks out my FB page and misinterprets my posts all the time. Then she’ll call us up and ask questions about some story that she made up in her mind that started with my post and we will have no idea what she’s talking about. Sorry you’re dealing with this!

Post # 25
Member
2050 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

@TGold:  Ugh, I understand what you’re going through. It wasn’t good timing on his part to contact you at work, but the best decision you made in this exchange was to call your Fiance directly and not continue texting to further any miscommunication. Your Future Mother-In-Law completely aside (because, clearly, why bother with her at this point, right?) I think he does have a point in that here he is asking for your help directly, for you to at least acknowledge and take responsibility for the fact that things do get misconstrued and he feels the heat, and to just take that into consideration for his sake. By no means do I think he wants you to stop the jokes altogether from what you say, but to be more mindful and perhaps throw in a few lovey-dovey posts while you’re at it. 🙂 Being with him for 6 years, I’m sure you appreciate that about him as much as he appreciates the jokes from you.

Post # 26
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Honestly you haven’t written much about fmil so I don’t know about her. But out of the two you he sounds the most reasonable.

His two statements “let’s pick our battles” and “it’s not worth ruining all the work we’ve done to change what my parents think.” I thik show to me that he trying for you! I think those two things are easy enough to do.

Should you be mirco managed and constantly on eggshells? No but doing those two things will go a long way in making your relationship with the inlaws better.

I also think you are placing blame on this particuolar situation saying she causing a wedge when really it has to do with the two of you. You can’t control what she does, but you can control what you do.

At the end of the day, your Fi should stand up for you on important issues and things. So I understand why he would ask you to tone it down. At the end of the day it’s just facebook, at the end of the day it’s not so serious, and it’s reasonable request he is making of you. There no reaon to be in arguement over stupid post as fb.

 

Post # 27
Member
82 posts
Worker bee

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@TwoCityBride:  +1.  OP, start messaging him this stuff.  Not worth the potential for misunderstanding.  

Post # 28
Member
2478 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

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@TwoCityBride:  +1

It’s just silly to let something as pointlessly aggravating as FB stir the pot. And trust me, the eternally aggravating acroynm “lol” never takes away the sting from a sarcastic or passive aggressive status. 

There’s no reason to censor everything you say on FB but it does make sense to use commonsense and not put up potentially confrontational stuff or be unprepared to edit it when it becomes clear that the people closest to you are not finding it any fun at all. Regardless of how many “lols” it is sprinkled with. 

Better to concentrate on trying to improve your relationship with your Future Mother-In-Law (or at least finding ways to co-exist pleasantly) and on getting your DH to stand up for you when it matters. 

Post # 29
Member
332 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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@TwoCityBride:  Great advice!  That’s exactly what I wanted to say. 

Post # 30
Member
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Excalibur

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@secretwife:   This.  when I  had FB, Fiance and I  blocked his mom bc she’d comment on all of  FI posts with  snarky shit to me.  So annoying. Parents shouldn’t be on FB!

 

Post # 31
Hostess
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

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@thirdtimeisthecharm:  Haha, you have the same system I do! Father-In-Law is totally insane – like complete psycho whackjob bully insane. After he threatened me this summer, his wife was blocked on facebook and all e-mails are now rounted into an auto-delete folder. He no longer exists in my life. Now if only DH was on board to do the same, we’d be golden.

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